The Top

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By puppielover - 21/08/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 014

You deserved it 3 727

By shylahrc - 03/05/2014 23:51 - United States

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 198

You deserved it 3 539

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

By Anonymous - 29/04/2021 16:59

Today, I'm on the verge of losing my job because of my poor mental health. I've been on a wait list for therapy/psych services for over a year already. My boss's response was, "It can't be that bad, just stop thinking about it." I have PTSD, OCD, BPD, ADHD, bipolar depression and anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 307

By zappy - 11/10/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 726

You deserved it 119 094

By crystalpistol - 16/08/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, right after I turned down an amazing job opportunity in another location, just so I could be with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 928

You deserved it 16 338

By jane - 09/10/2009 14:04 - Australia

Today, I was pretending to be a monkey for a "documentary". The branch snapped and I fell out of the tree and onto a car roof. It was after school, I fell onto the dean's BMW. The video was on facebook before I regained consciousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 462

You deserved it 11 502

By rileynautumn - 13/06/2011 19:04 - United States

Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 281

You deserved it 9 710

Let me out!

By pennyhater - 07/10/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, I was locked inside my dorm room. Yeah, inside. How? Some of my floormates decided to stick pennies in the door frame, which jammed the handle. I was stuck inside my room and had to pee really bad. I couldn't call an RA to get me out either. Why? I'm the RA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 384

You deserved it 5 021

Caught up

By Abandonedgirl101 - 07/05/2021 11:01

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend was terminated from work: for having an inappropriate sexual relationship with a coworker, and not because he was "furloughed from COVID" like he said was. Oh, and he got her pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 145

Bad publicity

By And I'm still single - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I found out that my picture from a dating profile was so "hilarious" that people have been posting it on Instagram with mean captions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 093

You deserved it 6 145

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 07/10/2009 01:11 - Canada

Today, I went shopping for a new pair of jeans. I was feeling good about the fact that I was going down a waist size until the cashier decided to discuss with me, three co-workers, and the ten other people in line how she didn't even know jeans came in sizes that big. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 489

You deserved it 6 838

By Tourist - 26/03/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 1 178

Unfair

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 04:01

Today, I had to do a presentation. No one else in my group showed up, so I had to do it alone. I was given a failing grade for presenting by myself, and therefore not being a "team player". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291

You deserved it 70

By corfan01 - 05/10/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I got a red light camera ticket for $100 in the mail. After checking the date and time, I realized it was from when I was rear ended into the intersection while STOPPED at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 800

You deserved it 2 373

Bruh…

By ... - 06/06/2011 07:44 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 807

You deserved it 6 724

Polytrouble

By Anonymous - 07/11/2023 00:02

Today, I'm in a polyamorous relationship. My husband and my boyfriend are both aware and are okay with it. Today they met. Not only are they okay with each other, they’ve hit it off. They've drafted a schedule of which days they want, meals, and chores for me on those days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 982

Stay professionnal

By Bden - 21/03/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, was my first serious photoshoot as a male model for a high-end clothing line. It was a nude photoshoot, with kind of an Adam and Eve theme. After the first couple of pictures with the extremly sexy female model, I got a boner. There were still 100 shots left to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 843

You deserved it 22 414

Come on man, make an effort

By reallymom - 18/05/2021 02:01 - United States - Houston

Today, it's been over a month since my mom has answered my calls or texts. Why? Because I didn't write an elaborate post on her Facebook for her birthday like my sister did. I only called and messaged with her all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 103

Demonic

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 14:41 - United States - Modesto

Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 361

You deserved it 3 800

Watch where you're going

By Marriage at it's finest.. - 22/05/2021 13:59

Today, I was riding my scooter and humming a tune while doing so. It happened to be the tune you hear at weddings. I got married to the garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 768

By Anonymous - 31/03/2014 17:15 - Japan - Takarazuka

Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 572

You deserved it 3 088

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 03:00 - United States

Today, I drove my husband's car to the mall because my car was in the shop. The bumper was being repaired because I got rear ended while stopped at a traffic light. While stopped at the same intersection I got rear ended again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 924

You deserved it 3 877

Belch monster

By gross - 23/05/2021 02:00

Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 273

Just Say Yes

By bringthemback - 29/03/2014 10:34 - United States - Columbia

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 145

You deserved it 4 262

Multitasking

By longday - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process, I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 850

You deserved it 6 872

By Sebastian - 17/03/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, our school had tryouts for chorus. Everybody sang a snippet of the song together until the teacher stopped us, saying it sounded awful. He singled me out and told me to sing alone. After I sang the part, he said, "Son, your gift to God will be silence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 799

You deserved it 7 782

By no sir I have not - 08/03/2013 00:35 - United States

Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 361

You deserved it 36 383

By disappointed - 25/03/2014 11:36 - United States - West Fargo

Today, I finally finished watching Dexter. I was more disappointed by the finale than the picture I later received of my girlfriend cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 041

You deserved it 5 538

Creepy guy

By iamnotalawyer - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Glendale

Today, I found out that when people in my apartment complex warn their kids about strangers, they use me as the example. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 290

You deserved it 4 251

By ihatemakingnames - 05/03/2013 00:41 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit feet, and trimmed the little sprouts that give me a unibrow if left alone. I still can't grow a beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 238

You deserved it 2 764

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The Top

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 871

You deserved it 4 690

Today, my girlfriend got into my Facebook account and changed our relationship status to single, just to see which of my friends would "like" it. After revealing to me what she did, she now says I can no longer be friends with anyone who liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 811

You deserved it 6 296

Today, in an effort to rearrange my bedroom, I planned to reroute my internet cables under my house. Then I found out about the black widow infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 636

You deserved it 490

Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 792

You deserved it 457

Today, for the 20th time, I poured wine into my ashtray, while the glass was next to it. I also have the bad habit of tipping my ash into my drink. What the fuck is wrong with me? Maybe I should look at what I'm doing instead of the PC screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 1 322

Today, was just another exhausting day in which I cater to the needs of my kids, my cat, and my boss. I work opposite hours from my wife, we barely have energy to catch up and plan chores. I sleep 5 hours a day tops and have to work out daily so my back doesn't hurt. I'm burned out. I don't know what I need but I need it now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 93