The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Cruising

By notpreggers - 15/04/2009 20:14

Today, I was wearing a new $500 dress on a crowded train. I looked great and I could feel the eyes on me. A cute guy then offered me his seat, only boosting my confidence more until he said "for you and the baby," pointing at a bump in my dress. I'm not pregnant and wasted $500. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 955

You deserved it 28 864

Headshot

By sorehead - 13/07/2011 16:02 - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street hand in hand with my girlfriend. I couldn't help but stare at a gorgeous girl as she bent down to pick something up. It was such a great sight, I didn't notice the metal telephone pole directly in my path. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 410

You deserved it 102 791

By ruhrohraggy - 28/07/2019 16:00

Today, I got a haircut. I wanted three inches cut off. When the lady finished, she had cut off everything but three inches of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 954

You deserved it 356

I'm here!

By Adam - 29/07/2019 20:00

Today, I had a job interview at a Holiday Inn. I got there ten minutes early and sat until 1:00 p.m., then told the person at the front desk I was there for my interview. She called the manager, who said that no interviews were scheduled today. I'd gone to the wrong Holiday Inn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 1 713

By Anonymous - 14/06/2014 21:32 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 744

You deserved it 25 402

By youlovewaffles - 03/08/2019 04:00

Today, I was talking to myself in the shower, pretending I was Oprah. After I got out, my little brother asked if I was singing in the bathroom. I almost said no, but admitting to singing seemed a lot less embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 445

By brannonjames - 10/05/2012 22:20 - United States

Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 453

You deserved it 2 371

By Anonymous - 09/08/2019 14:00

Today, I was prescribed two different medications. I was also informed that they will both give me diarrhea for the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 105

Creeper

By Anonymous - 21/04/2013 23:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 026

You deserved it 4 201

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 23:35 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 863

You deserved it 12 477

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 48

Projectile

By Mr.Incognito-san - 03/04/2021 17:00

Today, my sisters were fighting, again. Unfortunately, one of them has the tendency to pick up the closest object and throw it at the other one. Unfortunately, I was the closest object, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 115

By Kaei - 21/08/2015 20:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a box full of crickets in my room. I sealed it up with tape and went to take a shower. When I returned, I found that the box had popped open, releasing almost all of the crickets. I can still hear the chirping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 056

You deserved it 8 043

Kaei tells us more.

Kaei 21

Saturday 22 August 2015 16:53

thank you omg someone who puts 1 and 2 together

Relief

By Andrew Cab - 06/04/2021 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our 9-year-old daughter was removed from our home and placed into a home for children too violent to function in a family setting. I can't stop crying but my wife hasn't been this happy in years. She was actually smiling as our daughter was restrained and forced out the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 077

You deserved it 393

By get a grip, son - 30/05/2014 20:37 - United States - Pooler

Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 218

You deserved it 10 905

By Anonymous - 03/07/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for dating a co-worker. There's no policy forbidding it; he just thought it was unfair that I could get with the "hottest girl who works here" but he can't. I live in an at-will employment state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 678

You deserved it 3 286

Bad time

By idk - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Alexandria

Today, I saw the hottest nurse ever. Too bad he was pulling out a piece of wax the size of a raisin from my blocked ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 773

You deserved it 8 465

By mandy16 - 04/09/2010 03:43

Today, I got my wisdom teeth taken out. The two male doctors told me they'd give me anesthesia, but when they did, I could still hear them. I heard them talking about my breasts and how flat they were for a 17 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 261

You deserved it 3 469

By boopingsnoot - 27/08/2017 01:30 - United States - Nashville

Today, at the dentist, I was just supposed to get three small cavities filled. I walked out with a referral slip for the endodontist. Hello, root canal. Fuck you, genetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 381

You deserved it 316

By JRLJLS - 15/04/2013 09:09 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Spicy

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 977

You deserved it 11 530

By Anonymous - 03/05/2012 03:29 - United States

Today, my Dad and I killed a cockroach with a large metal pole. It was the most bonding experience we have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 389

You deserved it 2 658

By Anonymous - 17/08/2019 20:03

Today, I fell off my chair, then missed it completely trying to sit back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 380

Bored

By Dario - 09/06/2022 14:00

Today, while I was telling my therapist all of my inner conflicts, he fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 123

By pissed off - 17/05/2014 00:33 - United States - Brentwood

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 729

You deserved it 14 985

That's not my name

By noname - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Alexandria

Today, I found out that my fellow marching band mates all refer to me as "The short girl with big tits" because none of them can remember my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 704

You deserved it 4 598

Relieved

By Anonymous - 26/06/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 578

You deserved it 51 903

By Anonymous - 25/08/2019 16:00 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, going to my psychiatrist's appointment for my PTSD and depression, my mother yelled about how useless I am and how I torture her existence with my "abnormalities." She told the doctor how much I've improved and become such a delight at home for her and our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 180

You deserved it 143

By MissMae93 - 26/04/2012 01:27 - United States

Today, I've been diagnosed with a severe lung infection. This causes me to viciously hack up a lung every two minutes or so. Not only can I barely breathe as it is, my job requires lots of running around, cleaning and interacting with customers. I have a five-hour shift tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 770

You deserved it 2 465

MissMae93 tells us more.

MissMae93 23

Thursday 26 April 2012 14:39

To everyone saying I should have called in: unfortunately my work only provides about 3 sick days, which I used when I had my wisdom teeth removed. As for management, usually only one or two people are required to run the entire store (and of course, it was just me). They require much more notice and there was no one else available for the shift. Thank you to everyone with kind words and trust me, if I could have called in, I would have.

By OrangeTree12 - 04/04/2009 06:05 - Canada

Today, a really cute guy sat across from me on the bus. He smiled at me, then tensed his muscles and lifted a heavy bag with one arm. Thinking he was trying to act "macho" to impress me, I rolled my eyes and threw him an annoyed/disgusted look. When he got off, I realized he only had one arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 197

You deserved it 83 846

Great first date

By Anonymous - 23/04/2021 08:08

Spicy

Today, I went on a date. I didn’t want to go to his house, but we all have needs. I told him I should leave because I needed my medication in the morning. Passed out. Woke up, had a seizure, then made him go to my apartment to get my meds. This was a first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 667

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Dogs Animals School Gross NSFW Porn Intimacy Cops Scary Miscellaneous Friends Movies Awkward Clumsy Delivery Pizza Clothes Ironic Work Trans Rights Health Healthy Lifestyle Poopoo peepee Love Divorce Frustration Sex Growing old My ex Pregnancy

The Top

The Top

Today, my 20-year-old sister put ketchup on my back instead of sunscreen at the beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 738

You deserved it 225

Today, I found out that the dude I love has been taking the money I used to support him and buying heroin with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 052

You deserved it 737

Today, I tried keeping a surprise secret from my fiance. Turns out, under the influence of my sleeping tablets, which after I take them, I forget everything I've said, I spilled the beans. So much for the surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 306

Today, while I was walking home, a homeless man saw me and didn't ask for change, but how much I charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 248

Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 188

Today, my girlfriend has been randomly screaming out, “Coronavirus! Hehehe!” in a scarily accurate Cardi B impression. She’s been doing it for days and refuses to stop. I’m starting to think facing the damn virus might be less annoying at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 237