The Top

Haha he didn't come to see me, he came to where I was volunteering to pick up his little sister. He just saw me in passing and asked. And no, his apology was definitely not worth a *******.

By bipbip - 12/11/2008 07:53 - France

Today, at work, I received an email telling me that viewing porn websites was prohibited and was a good enough reason to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 349

You deserved it 68 883

By G. Briones - 23/11/2011 19:14

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 894

You deserved it 7 025

By Krissy - 25/01/2010 08:36 - United States

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 581

You deserved it 4 660

Method acting

By lol123 - 10/07/2009 10:09 - Norway

Today, it was the premiere of a huge play I've worked on for months. The latest week we've practised a lot, resulting in little sleep. In one of the scenes I'm just lying there pretending to be asleep. Guess who actually fell asleep? FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 782

You deserved it 10 478

By bizzyizzy0121 - 21/11/2011 06:28 - United States

Today, I was called by a restricted number. The man on the phone then explained to me in detail what I was doing at every second that I was on the phone with him. I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 611

You deserved it 3 217

By masterzach21 - 22/01/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I took a picture of my knob on my girlfriend's cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing. Minutes later, I heard her mom scream. She has the same phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 028

You deserved it 41 546

PSA

By CallMeCherry - 26/08/2020 07:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to "permanently and irrevocably" damage my spine. How? By bending down and picking up a piece of paper. According to my doctor, essentially I need to, "bend over like a stripper if I want to pick something up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 146

Here I go again

By oakley - 07/01/2017 09:15

Today, I went to start my new job, only to find out that the guy who hired me had no permission to do so. I had to fill out another application, and complete another interview and I still might not get the damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 575

You deserved it 772

By skyhigh - 13/01/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I discovered my parents have spent my college fund because "2012 will happen" before I graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 761

You deserved it 3 329

Be warned

By what... - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - North Port

Today, my boss took me to one side and said, "Cross me like that ever again, and you're fired." I still have no clue what he was talking about, and now he denies ever having said a word to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 324

You deserved it 2 889

By Anonymous - 19/01/2010 07:58 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for six months with my best friend of five years. After asking him what she had that I didn't, he responded with one word - "Boobies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 891

You deserved it 4 663

Random encounter

By FML_Elle - 06/10/2012 15:52 - United States

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 996

You deserved it 2 308

Creeped out

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 18:00 - United States - New York

Today, I found out that my fiancé has been having sex with his sister while we've been together. I'm 5 months pregnant with his baby. They don't plan on stopping and talk everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 02/10/2012 19:39 - United States - Richland

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 745

You deserved it 2 961

Prepared

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 810

You deserved it 19 885

By IcantDance! - 01/10/2012 16:05 - United States - Daphne

Today, although I can't dance, I decided to go to a club. A really cute girl asked me to dance, and I politely declined. She kept insisting, so I finally said okay. A few minutes in, she stopped, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make fun of my dancing, I'm leaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 378

You deserved it 2 736

Let me in

By miley098 - 02/11/2011 16:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They kept me locked me for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 307

You deserved it 4 799

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 428

You deserved it 3 095

Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 566

You deserved it 4 196

Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 644

You deserved it 3 495

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 688

You deserved it 11 086

Today, I've got so many pimples in my face, I could actually fill a bucket with my own pus. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 159

Today, my date saw me naked, and was disgusted that 1. I shaved my pubes into a landing strip instead of completely bald, and 2. I missed a few hairs below my knee while shaving my legs. His actual words as he was half out the door were that he "wanted Princess Leia, not Chewbacca." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 290