The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By ohhhjaymo13 - 05/02/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 716

You deserved it 3 380

By musamalia - 06/01/2009 11:58 - France

Today, a very pretty girl came up to me and asked me for my phone number. Very pleased, I give it to her with a huge smile and tell her that I can be reached at any time. I then watch her go back to her group of friends. My number was for her gay friend, who then meekly waved at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 006

You deserved it 3 497

By zzfreakshow - 15/10/2013 00:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 861

You deserved it 5 050

By skrewedguy - 08/12/2011 03:33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 717

You deserved it 6 632

By Anonymous - 01/02/2011 18:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because his iPod app said I was cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 563

You deserved it 5 390

Service my dong

By Anonymous - 27/10/2021 08:00

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 369

By Anonymous - 02/02/2010 15:40 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend watching a home made sex tape he had previously made with his ex-girlfriend. What's worse than him jerking off to it? He was crying and hugging a pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 320

You deserved it 3 121

By diamondsareforever - 18/07/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. On our way to the Space Needle I was pulled over and promptly arrested. Apparently, I had recently purchased a car from a man who had robbed a jewelery store. The ring is now evidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 388

You deserved it 3 375

Stolen valor

By lifesucksbigtimefuys - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for years asked if I could be her "emergency gay friend." The worst part? I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 960

You deserved it 27 178

By rarara - 30/10/2012 21:26 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 225

You deserved it 3 079

By ashdk - 28/01/2011 09:12

Today, my fiancé and I just moved into our first apartment together. Our neighbor across the hall? My ex-boyfriend who I've had to file three separate restraining orders on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 684

You deserved it 5 685

By porkeater - 16/07/2009 15:02 - United States

Today, we went up for visitor's day for my son's Jewish summer camp. We don't keep kosher, but most of his fellow campers do. When we went around in the circle saying our favorite foods, he said, "My mom makes the best pork chops." We got dirty looks for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 418

You deserved it 13 656

By StairwayToEvan92 - 24/09/2018 13:30

Today, I ran over a recently-killed skunk in the road. My truck now smells absolutely rancid, and the smell will probably last for months. At least it goes well with my dog, who was also skunked 6 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 107

You deserved it 303

The others were too polite

By #MeDD - 04/02/2023 02:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I caught my cousin's husband ogling me at a party. I decided to talk to him, but each time he'd avoid me. Eventually I confronted him about staring at me; he then pointed at the front of my dress, my nipple had slightly snuck out of my low-cut dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 1 923

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 546

You deserved it 8 052

By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 02:09 - United States

Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 363

You deserved it 65 582

By shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 599

You deserved it 3 455

Inspired

By HateThatB - 19/11/2021 08:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my ex-fiancé married the woman he cheated on me with. Their wedding was an exact replica of how I had planned mine to be, decorations, colors, cake, etc. Oh, and she also copied the dress I'd said yes to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 458

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 17/10/2012 10:15 - Australia

Today, for the second time, I met the man I'm having an arranged marriage with in 3 months. I'd previously met him last night, while he was mugging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 152

You deserved it 3 368

By Fattie - 09/07/2009 17:50 - Malaysia

Today, I was working at the gas station. An old lady was watching me fill her gas tank. A really beautiful girl walked by. I lost concentration and overfilled the tank. I quickly pulled it out and squirted the old lady with a bit of petrol. She was smiling and gave a slight moan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 311

You deserved it 14 331

By Anonymous - 19/11/2011 19:08 - United States

Today, the first snow of the season fell. My husband celebrated by pelting me with snowballs, while I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 178

You deserved it 6 464

By ash - 14/01/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 197

You deserved it 16 147

Performative

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 07:02 - United States - Fort Bragg

Today, I fucking hate Veterans Day. It's just an outpouring of artificial gratitude, because tomorrow when all the parades and free meals are all gone, my back will still hurt, my knees will still hurt, and my soul will still be tainted. No one fucking gives a shit anymore, not like yesterday, not even close. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 306

The best day of your life

By squirt - 05/07/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, was my wedding day. Right before I walked down the aisle in my gorgeous white dress, the woman who did my makeup saw a blemish. She went to squirt concealer on her finger, but squirted the orange concealer all over my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 148

You deserved it 3 569

Wakey wakey

By 30000 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 501

You deserved it 13 219

By S…… - 09/01/2011 10:18 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 423

You deserved it 5 771

You OK up there?

By hurtsmyears - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to endure yet another evening of the old man in the apartment above me screaming, "No, I don't want to shave my nose hair, you crazy bitch." He lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 776

You deserved it 2 460

Prank gone wrong

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 18:00

Today, my prank-loving girlfriend pushed hot sauce up my penis hole with her tongue by pretending she was going to give me oral sex. It’s been an hour of burning, it’s worse when I pee, and I think I may need a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 975

You deserved it 264

By Anonymous - 02/11/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 745

You deserved it 5 880

Maturity

By merkris - 29/06/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said, "What are you, babysitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on a giraffe, yelling at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 326

You deserved it 12 755

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Dogs Animals School Gross NSFW Porn Intimacy Cops Scary Miscellaneous Friends Movies Awkward Clumsy Delivery Pizza Clothes Ironic Work Trans Rights Health Healthy Lifestyle Poopoo peepee Love Divorce Frustration Sex Growing old My ex Pregnancy

The Top

Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 301

You deserved it 3 221

Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 346

You deserved it 3 253

Today, I was walking home from work going over a railway-bridge, when a 12 year old boy standing at the bottom asks if I could help him carry his bike up, as he couldn't lift it. I did it for him, and was greeted on the other side by his father - who thought I was stealing it and hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 267

You deserved it 2 479

Oops!

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 135

Today, after spending a great day with my nieces, I turned to my husband to ask him if maybe we should start trying to get pregnant like we both agreed we wanted to multiple times. Before the words even left my mouth he said, “God they were exhausting, thank God were not having kids.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 266

Today, as I was taking care of my mom while my dad was at work, she fell asleep. This would be fine, except she has one of the worst cases of sleep apnea ever recorded. Her snores are so loud, they almost sound like gunshots. I can't leave her alone or block out the sound in case she stops breathing for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 90