The Top

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By _/ | \_ - 06/10/2013 17:40 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 451

You deserved it 3 809

By you - 30/10/2012 19:46 - United Kingdom

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name isn't Kate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 787

You deserved it 79 263

By Anonymous - 03/12/2011 06:43 - United States

Today, I found out that the gentle, adorable oral surgeon who took out my wisdom teeth last year was recently arrested for rape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 195

You deserved it 2 884

Yummy

By Nawel - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I helped myself to a piece of a cake brought by guests at a birthday party. I didn't like it much so I discreetly attempted to give it to the girl next to me. I asked her, "Do you want some? It's sort of disgusting." She replied, "Thanks, I made it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 223

You deserved it 36 105

What happened here?

By Lisa - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home from my vacation. My sister had been taking care of my dog and my apartment while I was away. As I walked in, I was greeted by a floor covered in poop and a destroyed couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 045

You deserved it 341

By singleasapringle - 13/03/2016 06:41 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went back to my high school for an event with some of my friends, both of which are in relationships. Whilst there we saw our favorite teacher, who hugged us and said, "I heard you have a boyfriend! And so do you!" And then she turned to me and said, "And... And you're doing great things!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 985

You deserved it 1 863

By robincakes94 - 29/11/2011 12:42 - United States

Today, I went to a nursing home to sing Christmas carols to the elderly. They threw their bananas at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 757

You deserved it 6 651

By Caution - 02/10/2018 22:00

Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 217

You deserved it 602

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 05:00

Today, my husband waited until our honeymoon to reveal his scat fetish, because he didn’t want me to think he was too weird to marry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 899

You deserved it 182

Leg day

By humiliated - 14/01/2011 16:28 - United Kingdom

Today, a friend asked me to come with her to the art building at school so I could pose in the stance of a figure she was drawing for her exam. I obliged and sat for the pose. When the art teacher walked by, she looked at me, then at the sketch, pointed to the legs, and said, "Make them fatter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 956

You deserved it 4 365

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I woke up to my cell phone alarm buzzing. It wasn't time to wake up yet, so I snoozed it. It buzzed again, this time with "One New Voicemail." I had "snoozed" my nephew. Stationed in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 938

You deserved it 14 158

Weird flex, but OK

By mrwilly - 02/01/2015 03:22 - United States - Corona

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 915

You deserved it 4 907

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 21:16 - United States - Dover

Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 211

You deserved it 44 262

By Nico - 12/11/2011 15:42 - France

Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 851

You deserved it 3 676

By NosChersVoisins - 01/07/2014 04:55 - France - Bordeaux

Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool and some rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 216

You deserved it 5 943

By soapisyourfriend - 16/02/2016 06:53 - United States - Ashland

Today, cable was installed at my house and the cable guy smelled like some horrid mix of cabbage and cheese. I'm pregnant and suffering from morning sickness. I've sprayed air freshener, lit candles, and opened windows despite the cold outside. I can't get rid of the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 931

You deserved it 1 431

By Anonymous - 07/11/2011 00:26 - Reserved

Today, it's my 21st birthday. My parents' gift was a case of non-alcoholic beer, to "prepare" me for when I "turn 21." My parents can't even remember how old I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 970

You deserved it 2 421

By R281780 - 14/02/2016 15:53 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend is locked in the bathroom crying because I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's Day, even though Friday, at her suggestion, we agreed not to exchange gifts because both of our birthdays are a week away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 463

You deserved it 4 178

By verbaltodomestic - 08/09/2013 19:31 - United States - La Crosse

Today, I took my girlfriend to a public place before confessing that I've been seeing another woman, to avoid a dramatic scene. After being rushed to the hospital with a concussion and broken nose, I think it's safe to say my plan didn't go very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 918

You deserved it 111 282

Unionize!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - West Hartford

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 765

You deserved it 7 535

By sigh... - 25/06/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 632

You deserved it 27 525

Get out

By Anonymous - 23/09/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to break up with me again, and actually offered me gas money so that I would leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 2 056

Kiss from a rose

By sealy - 28/12/2010 07:44 - United States

Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 109

You deserved it 7 884

Scolded

By oopsies - 08/01/2010 01:07 - United States

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 119

You deserved it 5 480

WMD FML

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I used the restrooms at the shopping mall. The cleaning lady stepped in after me, immediately turned around and very demonstratively started spraying air freshener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 662

You deserved it 6 767

By ShamedJP - 03/04/2009 22:05 - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 254

You deserved it 86 574

By FullMonty - 15/09/2012 23:26 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 114

You deserved it 4 005

Odd rejection

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said, "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked." Later, I found another note that said, "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 992

You deserved it 3 920

By Pissy pants - 24/11/2018 13:30

Today, I had a horrible headache on my way home from lunch. I pulled over and vomited so forcefully I peed my pants, a lot. I had pee in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 226

You deserved it 236

Hide and seek champion

By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I was playing hide and seek with a few friends. I hid in the bathroom, under the sink in a cabinet. I ended up having to sit there quiet as a mouse while my grandfather took an incredibly long and vile dump. I was too afraid to move. Let's just say he didn't rush it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 381

You deserved it 9 879

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The Top

Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 146

You deserved it 6 641

Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 879

You deserved it 33 170

Today, I received a few new fish for my aquarium as presents for my birthday. It just so happened that these fish were carrying diseases that left me with a tank full of dead fish. Happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 813

You deserved it 2 931

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I have been crushing on for 2 years. At the end of the date he tells me that he is moving away and as his going away present, I could pay for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 104

You deserved it 3 058

Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 882

You deserved it 8 058

Today, most people don’t realize how relaxing it is to poop on an indoor toilet. As in, being able to do your business in peace without having to keep mosquitoes from landing on your private parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 123