The Top

I hope he wasn't too overwhelmed... I was checking out 5 items, and had a single coupon for 50 cents off one of the items. He just looked very confused when I handed him the coupon! :)

Open door policy

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 23:01

Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 88

By Kaboom - 21/04/2009 12:52 - Canada

Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 692

You deserved it 19 683

Wrong place, wrong time

By Matthew - 10/03/2021 00:30

Today, I awoke with a swollen, painful testicle. I called the ambulance and went to the hospital. After they'd done an ultrasound, it's a bad infection. My nurse was someone I used to know and had a major crush on. She's responsible for checking my testicle every 20 minutes when she checks my heart rate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 140

What are you doing, human?

By Anonymous - 30/04/2022 02:00

Today, my husband and I were starting to get freaky. He was rubbing himself on my lady parts and I looked over to my side where my dog was intensely following my man’s junk with her eyes. I laughed so hard I farted, peed myself, and broke a cup in under 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 545

By WhyM3Th0ugh - 10/09/2015 23:21 - United States - Sunnyside

Today, one of my idiot classmates decided it was a good idea to throw his water bottle across the room to his friend. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of his friend. I now have a very noticeable bruise and bump near my temple along with a headache. Everybody laughed at me. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 037

You deserved it 1 695

By DC - 11/10/2016 13:41 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I narrowly avoided a head-on collision in the parking garage. The other driver cussed me out. It's a one-way route through the parking garage, and I was going the right way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 946

You deserved it 1 542

MAKE IT STOP

By FML Approved - 12/07/2017 19:05 - France - Paris

Today, I got "Despacito" stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 356

John Coltrane

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 155

You deserved it 22 229

By baldiesmom - 29/09/2016 19:07 - United States - Union

Today, I spent about 45 minutes attaching brackets and weatherproof lights to the umbrella in my patio set. It looked great, and I was excited to finally sit out under them at night - until the umbrella shifted and fell over, shattering the glass table top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 768

You deserved it 1 119

baldiesmom tells us more.

baldiesmom 25

Friday 30 September 2016 14:20

OP here. The instability of the umbrella was due to my husband cutting apart the stabilizing framework under the table that would normally keep this kind of thing from happening because he bought me a "much more awesome" umbrella that was too big for the table. He had good intentions, but I had a feeling the cutting of the framework would be a problem later. And no, there will most definitely not be a next time. As for vacuuming it up, maybe so, if I had a shop vac. As it was, he had loaned our shovel to a friend, I had no gloves, and the grass was long. I improvised and ended up using a hoe and two dust pans. It worked.