The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Tow the line

By broke - 16/11/2016 03:08 - United States - Orlando

Today, I paid $125 to get my car back after it was towed. Yesterday, I bought the car. When I got it to my apartment, the office wasn't open, so I couldn't get a parking decal. The same office that towed my car while they were still closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 824

You deserved it 820

Family

By megamonster99 - 07/11/2016 15:06 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I helped my hoarder grandfather clean out his garage. Not only did I step on a nail, I also slipped in a puddle of used oil that's been sitting out for two years, and broke my nose. He didn't pay me since I wasn't able to finish the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 336

You deserved it 1 016

By still broke and jobless - 17/09/2015 20:24 - United States

Today, I saw a missed call on my phone. Thinking it was one of the multiple jobs I applied for, I called back. Turns out it was just a debt collector. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 891

You deserved it 2 565

By Redhairchick - 06/11/2016 07:08

Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 088

You deserved it 947

By Anonymous - 13/07/2019 14:30

Today, for the third time this month, my family ridiculed me for being picky for ordering a burger without lettuce. They know I'm allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 797

You deserved it 197

By hotboxed - 13/07/2019 18:30

Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 405

By Anonymous - 06/05/2013 08:35 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 707

You deserved it 6 608

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 21:15 - Canada - London

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 012

You deserved it 6 992

Uh oh…

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 19:04 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 775

You deserved it 10 885

By Blue_Heart - 05/09/2015 18:47 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I decided to bike to work. I normally forget the key to my lock, so I leave it out back and hope that nobody takes it, and nobody does. I finally remembered my lock key so I chained it up. After my 7 hour shift, I walk to the back only to find the lock had been cut, and my bike was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 906

You deserved it 1 974

By ACCCHHHOOOO!!!!!!!!! -_- - 04/09/2015 15:48 - United States - Laurel

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 414

You deserved it 1 627

By Anonymous - 21/06/2014 19:57 - Australia

Today, I stubbed the same toe three times in fifteen minutes. How? My sister moved most of the furniture in the house to the left by a few inches, because she thought it would be funny to watch me get confused and suffer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 576

You deserved it 7 124

Culture wars

By j1hill33 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad told my little brother that Tokyo is in China. This is the same guy who yells at me every time I get a "B" on a report card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 648

You deserved it 2 441

By I_Hate_Cars - 15/04/2009 14:10 - United States

Today, I went for a jog. I had stopped at an intersection to let a car go by. The car stopped and the driver waved me on, so I started jogging again. After a few steps, I feel a sharp pain in my side, then wake up in the hospital. The driver 'accidentally' hit the gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 270

You deserved it 5 857

I_Hate_Cars tells us more.

I_Hate_Cars 0

Thursday 16 April 2009 7:11

To all, thanks for your concern. Don't worry, I'm fine, it was just a bad concussion when I hit the ground that knocked me out. I hope I don't disappoint anybody, but I am not going to sue. A few years in jail ought to be enough for the driver- it was a drunk. Luckily, there was a black and white across the street and got the driver in time. Again, thank you all for your concerns.

Fringe festival

By Socialidiot - 22/06/2019 04:35

Today, my girlfriend was watching an online video by some vegan girl with a bad fringe talking about bulk buying food to stay healthy. My immediate remark was, "Bulk buy a new fringe, bitch." It went very quiet before my girlfriend replied, "That's my sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 2 218

By ljennette25 - 23/09/2016 04:51 - United States - Princeton

Today, I started a new job as a school bus driver. I was sent on the hardest route in the area, and not 5 minutes in I came across a broke down truck in the middle of the road. I was stuck behind him for over an hour with a bus full of elementary school kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 311

You deserved it 894

By so sad no dad - 15/08/2019 06:00

Today, while out with my girlfriends, my overbearing boyfriend called and texted my phone over and over. Later, I told him to calm down and stop acting like my dad. He snapped back, "How am I acting like your dad when you don’t have one?" He knows my dad died when I was 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 687

You deserved it 304

Rubbing it in

By BadDay - 20/09/2016 05:04 - Australia - Beerwah

Today, being a little stressed, I managed to lock my keys inside my car. I was taking this fairly calmly until, while waiting for roadside assistance, I overheard another woman in the same carpark say, "No, of course I didn't lock my keys in the car! I'm not a COMPLETE idiot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 912

You deserved it 1 338

Baby come back

By Lost - 27/06/2022 00:00

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from school. The secretary said that my husband had already picked her up two hours ago. I don't have a husband. He left while I was pregnant with her 6 years ago. The secretary said “no one told her” she had to check ID’s before releasing a child for early dismissal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 303

You deserved it 123

By Kate - 29/04/2012 15:22 - United States - Concord

Today, I watched "Rain Man" with my family. The whole time they kept exclaiming, "Omigod! That's just like Kate!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 263

You deserved it 2 887

By tikizombie - 31/08/2010 00:04 - Canada

Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 687

You deserved it 50 408

By Fatnlonely - 20/08/2019 12:00

Today, at a pool party, I had forgotten to bring a swim suit, so I went in in my bra and shorts. After everyone screaming and telling me to put my shirt back on, I asked, "Why? It's the same as a bikini." My best friend told me it was because no one wanted to see me topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 481

By awkward - 05/09/2017 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a friend's "party". Everyone bailed but my friend didn't say anything, so it's just me and my girl. The train tickets alone cost £20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 313

You deserved it 426

By snoooore - 31/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I discovered I have narcolepsy. During a driving test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 143

By Sleeeeeep - 19/08/2010 04:10 - France

Today, I had to tell my doctor the real reason why I can't sleep at night for him to prescribe me anymore Ambien: I still have the irrational fear that there are monsters in the closet. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 318

You deserved it 14 782

Superficial

By skinnybitch - 08/09/2019 14:00

Today, my Tinder date took one look at me and left, because, "the camera" made me "look thick" and he, "can’t date a skinny bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 232

Catering to idiots

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 00:10 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 560

You deserved it 3 755

By Taylor - 21/04/2014 04:04 - United States - Dubuque

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 383

You deserved it 8 198

By bigvic780 - 27/10/2017 01:30

Today, I fulfilled a lifelong dream by attending a Dallas Cowboys football game. Our sitter fell through at the last minute so I took my five-year-old son instead of my wife. We had to leave after the first quarter because he threw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 575

You deserved it 817

By Blondie - 23/03/2009 20:37 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from a detective in response to my stolen car that has been missing since St. Patrick's Day. He told me that he had found my car, but was chuckling the whole time. Turns out, I had parked my car in a different lot. I haven't had it for a week. It was never stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 248

You deserved it 92 873

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Clumsy Pizza Delivery Awkward Health Healthy Lifestyle Poopoo peepee Love Divorce Frustration NSFW Sex Growing old Intimacy My ex Pregnancy Relatable Food Money Work Fire Customers Annoying Kids Family Relationship advice Break-ups Video games Gamers

The Top

The Top

Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 544

You deserved it 3 424

Today, I finally felt ready to take my bra off during sex. My breasts had "deflated" somewhat due to weight loss and I was really self-conscious about them, but my boyfriend insisted I was hot no matter what. When the bra came off, the dick got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 821

You deserved it 4 164

Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 466

You deserved it 3 157

Today, I found out why I couldn't properly breathe nor sleep for the past 2 days. I'm allergic to the new kitty litter. This is the special litter I had to buy because my snowflake cat is allergic to all the other brands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 046

You deserved it 712

Today, I found out my significant other has been secretly spending our savings. Inflation was bad enough, but goodbye safety net. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 106

Today, I got home and found out that, because of a burst pipe in their house, my husband's brother's family had moved in. They agreed to only smoke outside, but it’s on their clothes so the house already stinks of cigarettes, and their kids have already broken two things, a plate and the fridge door handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 105