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Never joke around with the Hacky Sacks

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 20:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my husband is refusing any kind of sex with me. Last week, as a prank, I slapped his ballsack during foreplay, not hard at all. Now he says he "can't trust me" near his junk, the big baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 810

By doggybag - 24/09/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 781

You deserved it 80 980

Charming dude

By Hurt as hell - 29/11/2023 07:30

Today, I saw the guy I have a crush on kissing a blonde chick. He'd turned me down because he “wasn’t into blondes”. I’m a blonde myself. When I confronted him about it, he told me, “Oh, I should have been more specific. I’m not into blondes who have a face like Sid the Sloth and a body like Shamu.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 825

Boots on the ground

By Anonymous - 03/06/2025 00:00 - Germany - Essen

Today, when I took off my shoes to change into my work boots, I smelled dog poop. I must have stepped in it on the way to my car this morning. Guess what the floor mat of my brand new car looks (and smells) like… FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 121

We're in Hell

By I hate my life - 02/12/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, the company I work for is now under new ownership. Somehow, this set off a series of events that resulted in the best boss I've ever had being effectively fired. I'm badly disabled, and she was the only thing stopping me from experiencing rampant ableism at work. I may be jobless again very soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 144

You're welcome

By Anonymous - 04/06/2025 20:00 - United States - Lincoln

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 130

That one Orson Welles .gif

By I AM SO BORED - 06/12/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I sent a message to vent about my boring team meeting to the team group chat instead of to my friend. Everyone responded with a virtual slow clap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 772

Spoilsport

By Don't you have better things to do? - 05/06/2025 22:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I caught my boyfriend making my cat dance to Cotton Eye Joe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 360

Frustration level: infinity

By MEW - 21/09/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I was working drive thru and took a huge order. When the people pulled around to the window, they handed me a stack of coupons. None of the coupons were even related to what they ordered. They made me change their order to fit the coupons because they couldn't read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 590

You deserved it 3 039

Harbinger of doom

By Harbinger of feline death - 07/12/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, I visited a friend's house, where I found out he has a trio of very friendly cats in his yard. After playing with them for a bit, I went inside. An hour later, my friend informed me that one of them had died. None of them were showing any signs of being near death. I'm sad and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 132

Dodged a bullet

By whatever - 08/06/2025 15:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I went on a coffee date with a new girl. It was over less than a minute in, when I ordered a black coffee. She lectured me about how I "obviously" have a "seriously fragile ego." I just like black coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 71

Weird flex but OK

By Chad - 10/06/2025 03:00 - Canada

Today, I confidently told my friends I had a high spice tolerance and took a shot of insanely hot ghost pepper sauce. I immediately hiccuped, tears started streaming down my cheeks, and I coughed so hard I fell off my chair and knocked stuff off of the table. We were in a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 809

Backfired

By Anonymous - 25/08/2022 00:00

Today, it was a coworker's last day. Over the last 6 months, he has been talking smack about me because he assumed I'd ratted him out for a Facebook post, ranting about our place of employment. I decided to confront him after work to let him know that I didn't do it. He then reported me for harassment to all of my supervisors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 248

First class slob

By Anonymous - 11/12/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I overheard my husband admitting that he doesn’t wash his hands after having diarrhea. I had no prior knowledge of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 108

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 12/06/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son swears blind he didn’t take my car joyriding last night. Thing is, I reverse into the drive. He drove it back in facing forwards, but no matter how I tell him, he doesn’t get it because the car's in the drive, so there’s no evidence, right? IT’S FACING THE WRONG WAY DUMBASS, I KNOW YOU TOOK IT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 100

He has a type

By Anonymous - 16/06/2025 00:00 - United States - Boise

Today, I noticed my crush of almost 3 years was talking to me a lot more at school. He seemed genuinely comfortable around me, even playing with my rings during class. I thought maybe I had a chance. Nope. A mutual friend just told me he likes another girl. A girl who coincidentally looks just like me but skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 113

Tense family drama

By Anonymous - 03/09/2022 10:00

Today, my parents kept overreacting over stupid stuff during dinner. I found a hair in a dish, so I removed it myself. My mom goes, "Is that a hair? Is it?! I'll get rid of it!" I told her that I'd already done it myself. Then, because I bit my nail once, my dad constantly kept asking if I was OK, even though I'd said I was. He wouldn't stop! FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 229

Depends how old you are

By SocialSuicide - 17/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, after I met a guy online and we'd became fast friends, talking every day about everything, things got flirty after half a year of talking. A year in, I finally got the time to meet up with him. It turns out he lied about his age. He's 8 years younger and in college. I fell head over heels. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 360

Home sweet home

By Enough - 20/06/2025 00:00 - Romania

Today, when I got home from the store, the dog was wiping his ass on the carpet, my two older boys were brawling, my youngest was crying because he'd broken a glass and cut himself, and my husband was in the kitchen, eating the cake I'd told him to leave alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 95

Cut short

By Shut up - 24/08/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I realized my parents, especially my dad, interrupt me so often when I'm talking that I've become completely accustomed to being interrupted whenever I speak. When they aren't interrupting me, they're either ignoring me, or just not acknowledging me. They still wonder why I don't talk much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 114

Perverted justice

By Anonymous - 23/06/2025 20:00 - Netherlands

Today, I pretended to be a little girl on social media, just for fun. All I got was a random guy who sent me a direct message and asked me to send a photo of my private parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 615

Told you so

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 22:00

Today, my wife is leaving me for the guy she told me not to worry about, who is also her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 131

Routine

By RIP - 24/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, two years after marrying my fun, adventurous fiancée, she's turned into a whiny, nagging bore. Date nights are now "eat leftovers and watch reality TV nights" and sex is once a month, with her asking, "Are you about to finish? Are you almost done?" the whole way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 174

Dingus

By Anonymous - 27/12/2023 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in attempt to save a few bucks on visiting the doctor, my drunk husband tried to relocate his own disjointed finger, using a vice grip. We ended up with an $800 ambulance bill and then a welfare check from Social Services. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 158

Denial spectrum

By Anonymous - 28/12/2023 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and since my son was diagnosed autistic, my sister refuses to have anything to do with him, because she doesn’t want her kids around him. The only reason her two kids aren’t diagnosed with autism and ADHD is because she refuses to let doctors assess them. Her kids are worse than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 163

My name is

By my name is not Alex - 30/12/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, my boss keeps calling me by my coworker's name, no matter how many times I correct her. We all have nametags, and my coworker and I look nothing alike. There is absolutely no feasible way to confuse either of us at all, let alone all the time. I'm convinced she's doing it on purpose to test my patience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 94

Fake it til you make it

By foreveralone15 - 24/06/2021 10:59

Today, I sprained an arm muscle while pretending to lift weights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 826

Handle with care

By How the hell - 04/01/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I know my grandma has been getting frail as she rapidly approaches the ripe old age of 80, but I had no idea it was so bad that she could break her arm by sneezing. When I tried to explain this to the ER doctors, they all started snickering. Yeah, I don't believe it either, doc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 128

Hang in there

By Suligi - 06/07/2025 03:00 - Philippines

Today, I feel like a failure. I've lost my will, again, because of the fear that it might happen again, and things might not get better. But I'll still try and I hope (please Lord) things will go positively. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 131

You! Out!

By loquacious shit stain - 07/02/2013 17:11 - Australia

Today, I had drinks at a friend's house before going out to a concert. I still had a bottle of beer left, so I brought it along with me. I got kicked out five minutes into the show for bringing my own drink, which is apparently against the rules. I paid $75 to get kicked out over a $3 drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 760

You deserved it 47 527

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The Top

Today, I was working at Tim Hortons. A lady was in line, and she couldnt make up her mind. 20 minutes later she finally decided to get something, and she reached in her pocket. I was hoping it was a tip, but she gave me a coupon for a haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 063

You deserved it 3 078

Today, my parents informed me that my dad is leaving my mom and moving to Florida from New York tomorrow. I just spent $300 on a new crossbow for his birthday, which is tomorrow, in hopes that he would spend more time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 258

You deserved it 228

Today, after 10 years in practice as a veterinarian, I began an internship in hopes of becoming a surgeon. The other intern/roommate never came, so we worked extra but don’t make enough to pay rent and buy groceries. We talked to HR about it and they give us a list of food banks. We work for a university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 115

Today, my boyfriend told me that the ring I wear on my ring finger needs to come off because it's too big. It's too big because I bought it for him and he gave it back to me 6 months later. I've been wearing it on the same finger for the last 3 months with no problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 104

Today, I needed emergency work on my house, so I’ve been taking wine, beer, and chocolates to my neighbours as an apology for the noise and dust. Later, one of the husbands came round and punched me for showing him up, because he hasn’t given his wife chocolates in years, so she’s mad at him and he blames me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 125

Today, my boyfriend is still determined to find my kink. I keep telling him I don’t have one. Literally, I don’t. He isn’t forcing me to do anything physically but he won’t drop the subject. He keeps making all these different suggestions and expecting me to have some magical discovery or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 84