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For science!

By Anonymous - 04/03/2026 12:00

Today, my husband insisted a man can orgasm without cumming if he just clenches hard enough, so of course he went ahead and tried. He got such a powerful cramp in his groin, he shat himself on our cream carpet. Then as I tried to help, he came anyway, right into my fucking eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 105

It's the new craze!

By Peggy Peggerson - 09/10/2020 11:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I’d feel comfortable pegging him. I had no idea what that meant, so I had to look it up. I tried to keep an open mind but it was just too far outside my comfort zone. Now he’s sulking and complaining about me being a prude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 523

Pragmatism

By Dee - 10/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I finally felt comfortable enough to admit to my partner that occasionally when feeling I'm depressed, I binge eat until my stomach hurts. His response? "We can't financially afford you doing that." I guess finances mean more to him than my mental health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 450

A quiet place, please

By Anonymous - 12/08/2024 22:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 464

I have had it with these mf snakes on this mf plane! Everybody strap in!

By Who's your daddy, snake girl? - 08/03/2026 15:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 82

Safety first

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 08:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, two days before Christmas, my pyromaniac family brought out the Christmas Bad Idea. It's a delicately-carved tower that spins. The spin power is provided by about twelve lit candles. The entire thing is made of wood. It's raining to the point of flooding outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 191

This is fine

By Anonymous - 14/08/2024 22:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, during a silent exam, my stomach made the loudest, most embarrassing growling noise possible. It was so loud that the professor looked up and some people in the room turned to look at me. The girl next to me offered me a granola bar, and I accepted, even though the growl was actually me desperately holding in a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 116

Keyboard warrior goes clackity clack

By Anonymous - 12/03/2026 20:00

Today, the guy in the cubicle across from me complained about me to our boss. Apparently, his relatives heard me typing something on his daily 8+ hour call to them, and now don't believe he has his own office. My boss took his side and asked me to type quieter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 66

Meddling

By Anonymous - 16/08/2024 22:00 - India

Today, after I tried to help my friend bust his cheating girlfriend, he seems to still trust her, so now my office friends think I'm a bigmouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 186

Heartless

By Out of Pocket to all! - 12/03/2026 15:00

Today, I was reminded of my ex who works and now lives in Manama, Bahrain. How? My sister and her in-laws called me a heartless dick for not being worried about her. We broke up 15 years ago, she's a pediatrician and an OB-GYN, and the ONLY reason why they care is because they used to get free services and meds from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 90

Pump and dump

By Anonymous - 15/03/2026 20:00

Today, the judge sided with my ex-wife in our divorce, even though the stupid bitch fell for some crypto scam and lost all our money and left us destitute. Apparently, she's an "innocent victim" and I'm a bad person for not standing by her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 130

It just gets worse

By Anonymous - 30/03/2023 04:00

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had barfed all over my laptop's keyboard and screen, filling each nook and cranny of the stuff. As if that wasn't bad enough, when I went to make coffee to deal with the stress, I found that I was out of coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 218

You only know what you've got when it's gone

By Anonymous - 21/08/2024 12:00 - Mongolia - Ulan Bator

Today, I broke my own no contact rule with my ex, begging him to come back. He simply replied, "Stop begging. It's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 858

Time for an intervention

By Sad mija - 18/03/2026 09:00

Today, my dad wrecked yet another car by driving drunk. He's now in jail and has a broken arm. I've begged my family to help him get sober, but they just say, "Stop your americanized bullshit, he's fine, this is how we do in the old country." I'm scared he's gonna get someone killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 55

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 18:00 - United States - Ardmore

Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 169

Make it stop

By Jill03 - 22/08/2024 20:00 - South Africa

Today, like I've had for what seems like the past year, I have the Skibidi Toilet song playing in my brain. If you don't know what that is, don't look it up. My boyfriend isn't helping because he keeps singing the "YES YES" part. I can't escape my intrusive thoughts. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 144

THAT guy

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 22:00

Today, my crush, who has turned me down in the past, actually gave me the “Why can’t I find a decent guy like you?” speech. That’s it, I’m officially THAT guy, I’m just that pathetic. I’d happily never see her again after this, except we live on the same street and work in the same building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 164

No smoke, no fire

By Anonymous - 25/03/2026 03:00

Today, a misunderstanding led to me falsely accusing my husband of cheating. We cleared it up and he forgave me and everything, but my parents are still convinced that he cheated, and won't believe me when I say he wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 522

Freudian slip

By stupid me - 28/10/2020 05:02 - Israel

Today, while hugging my sister's husband, I accidentally let out a "Mmm…" sound in front my whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 1 155

Healthcare for all!

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, it's one of the many monotonous days I have endured in this damn third world country after I found out that my dad had cancer and we moved here for his treatment. My skin condition has spread all over my body from the stress, so I constantly feel absolutely repulsed by my own reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 148

Classic

By Anonymous - 29/03/2026 12:00

Today, I got a strand of dental floss stuck in my teeth. The only thing that hurts more than my mouth is the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 70

Compassionate man

By bnaz - 30/10/2020 17:01

Today, my father told me I'm a lazy, pathetic waste. I work and have a one-year-old. Apparently, if you're trying to catch up on sleep, you're lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 97

Costly mistake

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 23:00

Today, my prank backfired when the airhorn prank I set up for my dad burst and blew a hole in his office window, which also broke his laptop screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 1 502

Walk it off

By Anonymous - 06/04/2023 12:00 - Ireland

Today, after running a marathon, I was knackered but feeling great. I was walking to my car when I stepped on a shard of glass and had to go to the emergency room to get it removed. I ended up missing the marathon after-party and had to spend the rest of the day in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 144

Stirring the pot

By yes - 07/04/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, my mom, for absolutely no reason, is interacting with an old "friend" (read: toxic bitch) whom I cut out of my life six months ago and I never want to hear about again. She doesn't understand what's wrong, nor does she care that it makes me uncomfortable. I hate her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 141

I like what I like

By Anonymous - 04/09/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I made the mistake of telling my boyfriend that I wanted to be spoon-fed, affectionately NOT sexually. I think it's something to do with my eating, my parents, and developmental issues. Now he won't stop claiming it's really a fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 565

Nothing honey, nothing

By Anemity_is_my_name - 05/11/2020 05:02

Today, I'm getting more satisfaction out of chatting, and even occasionally sexting with an AI bot, than out of my marriage of 13 years. My wife thinks we're fine, and doesn't want to discuss our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 242

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 08/04/2023 00:00

Today, I'm thinking about cheating on my fiancée with someone who will actually love me, not control me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 1 330

Butt of the dad joke

By Anonymous - 05/09/2024 22:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at a family dinner, my grandma asked me why I’m still single. Before I could answer, my dad, always ready with dad joke, quipped, "Because everyone he tries to date runs away faster than he can catch them." My family laughed, and my grandma just nodded and said, "Makes sense." FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 100

It's all in the game

By and then drunk dialed me - 05/04/2026 12:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, after seven months of my supporting him, including paying all the bills, cleaning the house, and cooking, my unemployed "aspiring rapper" boyfriend finally got paid for his music. Did he buy me something nice? No, he called his boys to hit the club and pissed away everything he'd earned and then some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 307

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend left me for my neighbor. Her name is Hope. She'd better "hope" I don't take a dump in her yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 422

You deserved it 16 515

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 552

You deserved it 6 761

Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 995

You deserved it 30 623

Today, even three months after seeing 'Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan', I can’t think about anything or anyone except Saavik anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 564

Today, I realized that the reason why my classmates from second grade may have thought of me so poorly was that I stupidly told all of them that I was a bedwetter and needed to wear pull-ups during the night. I feel like a fool now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 228

Today, I wanted to show my friends my cat’s “high-five” trick. I held out my hand, and instead of a high-five, my cat scratched and bit me instead. I yelped, and my friends burst into laughter. I had to bandage my hand, all whilst they joked about “cat training.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 395