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Forever alone

By mstar - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized how lonely I am when I got excited over receiving my daily weather update from the Weather Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 082

You deserved it 2 909

You started it!

By Anonymous - 30/07/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I received a text from an unknown number that read, "I love you." Thinking it was my partner being sweet, I responded with a long, sappy message about how much they mean to me. Turns out, it was a wrong number. The person responded with, "Um, thanks but I think you have the wrong number." FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 545

Rom-com

By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 11:02

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend who I'm crushing hard on that I like her. She gave me a look of revulsion and asked if I was joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 172

Jack-in-the-box

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 22:00

Today, I realized that I'm a better human being when drunk or high, because at least then I don't seem like a wind-up toy about to snap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 251

Superman

By Anonymous - 25/02/2026 00:00

Today, it was made clear to me my baby brother has been letting me win all our fights, because I accidentally left my truck parking brake off so it started rolling down the street, and he caught it and dragged it to a full stop. That things weighs almost a tonne. I can’t fight him anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 406

By Anonymous - 24/06/2009 02:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was upset, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her how much I love her and how beautiful she is. After a minute, her face started to light up. I thought it had worked until I realized that she was being cheered up by the friends she was talking to online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 206

You deserved it 3 802

I'm a mess

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 23:01

Today, I went in to return a pack of socks. The cashier told me I couldn't return them. Then, I thought that she hadn't given the unreturnable socks back to me, even though she had, so I ended up getting all hormonal and angry over their return policy. When I got home, my mom got on my case too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 1 361

Inheritance issues

By Anonymous - 14/03/2023 18:00 - United States - Tatum

Today, my 16 year-old son has to sue his great uncle and step aunt for theft and extortion of his father's estate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 97

**** my shit up, please

By SteveO))) - 04/08/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a new hair salon that has just opened down my street. I asked them for a trim and a little bit of layering, just to keep things smart and professional. I walked out looking like a cross between a pineapple and a mop. Of course, as is often the case after a bad haircut, I have a job interview in two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 259

Breeder

By Anonymous - 27/02/2026 03:00

Today, hoping to earn some extra cash, I spent a fortune on a purebred pit bull so I could breed her. To my horror, the ad lied about her and she had already been spayed. When I tried to contact the seller to get my money back, they just replied, “Serves you right, backyard breeder” and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 1 119

Family matters

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 16:56

Today, I was told by step-dad, who I live with, that my mom "hates my guts" while smiling so big, because he got a call from her. He's so desperate for her to come back that all the lying, cheating, manipulation, and emotional abuse doesn't push him away. She's a tornado. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 103

Designated driver

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 12:00

Today, my wife got me a car for my birthday. It's a nice one but I soon realized it's a trap: I have to take her everywhere, or she tells me she can take it back anytime. So much for a gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 190

Boys and their toys

By Deven - 07/08/2024 20:00 - United States - Ardmore

Today, I forgot my Lana Rhoades fleshlight in the bathroom sink without the lid on it because I was letting it dry. When my mother-in-law came over she saw it and just told me there was something in the sink. It’s so awkward now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 618

Mom moment

By Anonymous - 08/08/2024 22:00 - United States - Topanga

Today, I thought it would be funny to bust out some dance moves in the middle of the supermarket to embarrass my teenage daughter. As I was trying to the moonwalk, I slipped on a wet spot and crashed into a stack of cereal boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 759

Come on, man

By Anonymous - 06/03/2026 00:00

Today, my parents said that we're never going to see our grandparents again because my grandpa hit my asshole little brother with a belt for calling him a boomer. I love my grandparents so much but my parents won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 259

By Anonymous - 23/08/2013 14:29 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that, due to my low self-confidence, all my bras are push-ups. He yelled, "EVERYTHING I KNEW IS A LIE" and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 644

You deserved it 12 222

A Worldcon for Our Futures

By Semipro Writer - 11/08/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, it's been a week since I flew to Scotland to attend a writer's retreat and then go to WorldCon to see friends and try and sell the book I just finished. I tested positive for Covid the first day of the retreat, and every day since. I already missed the retreat. Now it looks like I'll be missing the con, too. Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 114

Old flame

By Anonymous - 08/03/2026 09:00

Today, my pregnant wife has been crying for hours after she found out that I’d slept with the woman who does her ultrasounds. That woman happened to have been my prom date nearly 20 years ago and I had no idea she moved back in town, let alone worked for our doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 192

By wow kid just leave me alone - 15/09/2012 00:03 - United States

Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 684

You deserved it 3 720

By babasheep - 20/06/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, after dieting and working out for almost 3 months, I sit down on my chair to finish off some work. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 688

You deserved it 4 766

Dirty dancing

By Anonymous - 25/03/2023 00:00

Today, I went to the gym to try out a new workout class. Halfway through, I realized I was in the wrong room and had accidentally joined a dance class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 771

By Anonymous - 12/01/2017 20:00

Today, after 3 years of unemployment and 6 months of hard studying, I found out I hadn't actually registered myself for the public service exam that will happen later this month and could finally get me a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 534

You deserved it 2 499

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 16/08/2024 16:00 - Canada

Today, I was walking my dog when we passed by a group of teenagers. My social anxiety urged me to appear like a cool, confident adult, so I threw a stick for my dog to fetch, expecting him to dash off as usual. Instead, he sat down and stared at me like I was crazy. One of the kids said, “He’s got more sense than you.” My dog barked in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 452

By Anonymous - 27/11/2014 18:51 - United States - Athens

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 152

You deserved it 3 755

Workplace hell

By insensitive prick - 19/08/2013 19:04 - United States - Tinley Park

Today, I was at a "Bring your family to work" event. I noticed my coworker brought his kids but not his wife, so I asked, "No wife today?" Everyone glared at me and he pointedly replied that she's married to someone else now. I had no idea. Now everyone thinks I'm an insensitive prick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 687

You deserved it 9 062

Lifegoals

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 17:01

Today, I saw my ex. I was sure he’d be miserable, but he looked happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. He somehow even looked younger, as did the woman he was on a date with, who’s a good 10 years younger than me. Meanwhile, I’ve gained 25 pounds trying to quit smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 1 184

Quel abruti

By Anonymous - 28/03/2023 06:00

Today, I was on a date in a fancy restaurant. I tried to show off my skills by ordering our meal in French, since some of the dishes had french-sounding names. The waiter replied in fluent French and I have no idea what he said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 1 263

Guitar hero

By Jammy Handtricks - 18/08/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to impress a girl I like by showing off my guitar skills at a party. I'd hyped it up all night. When I finally started playing, I’d forgotten most of the chords and lyrics to the song, and ended up just strumming "Wonderwall" while humming off-key. She left halfway through the "performance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 844

Odd family

By Anonymous - 15/03/2026 03:00

Today, my wife demanded a divorce because I returned custody of my nieces and nephew to my brother, who has spent the last few years recovering from a horrible car accident. My wife wanted us to keep and adopt them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 15/10/2011 23:40 - Canada

Today, I was kicked out of the mall along with a bunch of my friends, sworn at by the security guards, and personally escorted all the way to the sidewalk, only to find out we'd been mistaken for another group of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 879

You deserved it 2 586

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The Top

Today, a car backed into mine. I thought that was pretty bad, until another car backed into me right after I'd finished taking the first guy's info. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 441

You deserved it 2 198

Today, all of my friends and teachers asked me what was wrong because I looked sad and tired. One kid even said that I looked like "an abused housewife the day after." I was fine. It was the first time I went to school without wearing any makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 479

You deserved it 9 705

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the bank to get her new ATM card. As the bank teller gave her the card, he said that the PIN remained the same. Indignant, she cried out, "How do you possibly know my PIN code?" She's 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 033

You deserved it 534

Today, at work, I casually mentioned I was meeting some friends for dinner. My co-worker's response was, "You have friends?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 107

Today, my girlfriend broke it off with me when she realized I can no longer treat her to expensive gifts and meals. My ex-wife is bleeding me dry with child support payments, I can no longer afford the lifestyle I used to have. She won’t take me back. Now I’m totally single and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 1 244

Today, I smoked weed with my girlfriend and we ordered some Chinese food. I was too high to open the box and she watched me struggle for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 684