The Top

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Tense situation

By mother to be - 04/08/2014 13:20 - United States

Today, while talking to my sister, I explained to her that the reason I hope I end up having a girl is I want my daughter to love me the way I "used" to love my own mother. I didn't mean to say it in the past tense. My sister told my mom. She's planning my baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 987

You deserved it 7 099

By eminem blows cock - 15/06/2012 16:41 - Ireland - Kilflynn

Today, after having stayed up all night studying, all the coffee I'd drank to keep me awake hit my gut with a vengeance. I ended up missing two exams because I was emptying my bowels into the toilet all morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 310

You deserved it 9 763

Bright idea

By theropod - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 086

You deserved it 2 176

Selfish tit

By Anonymous - 17/02/2021 14:01

Today, I'm running on two hours sleep thanks to our new baby. My partner slept all night, and when I asked them to take over so I could have a nap, they ran to bed, saying that they needed to sleep. Why? Apparently, the baby noise woke them up "once or twice" and they needed the extra sleep more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 342

You deserved it 250

By nomorecookies - 06/08/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 651

You deserved it 3 828

Dragging it out

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 02:02

Today, I hadn’t seen my boyfriend since New Year’s Day, then we went out for lunch Valentine's Day and at the end of the date he didn’t even kiss me. He texted me at midnight tonight saying he sorry he’s a jerk and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 129

Good vacation?

By Yudith - 29/07/2023 10:00 - Canada - London

Today, I returned to work after two weeks of vacation without a working phone. While I was gone, a beloved former colleague died, two Court hearings got postponed because nobody could find the proof the documents were sent to the other party, and half the office went on vacation. Oh yeah, and my grandma died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 160

Soaked

By Jus' me - 30/12/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I was getting ready to relax on my couch and watch TV under a comforter. I had a bag of snacks and the remote in one hand, and a glass of Coke in the other. Usually, I throw the remote onto the couch before settling down… only this time I had it in my left hand and not my right. At least the glass didn't shatter this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 453

By bad date - 13/06/2012 04:42 - United States - Bennet

Today, my date made me pay him for picking me up, and taking me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 397

You deserved it 3 757

Like spinning plates

By Anonymous - 08/04/2022 02:00

Today, I became the senior receptionist at my job, which is supposed to have three receptionists. The others all had life changes, so they're moving on, which is fair, but now I have to train new people. I've been here three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 112

By My_Cow_kiM - 28/04/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I told my mom I'm severely allergic to my cat and that the doctor told me it would be best to get rid of the cat. Somewhat jokingly, I told her it was either me or the cat. She chose the cat. She was serious too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 475

You deserved it 5 622

By Teen With No Money - 03/08/2011 15:49 - United States

Today, my mother took 350 dollars from savings to go to a psychic. But it's okay though, because now I know I'm an "ancient soul from another dimension". An "ancient soul" who now has no money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 390

You deserved it 3 122

Bathtime

By Kerry - 22/02/2021 20:01 - Canada

Today, I was running water for a relaxing bath. There have been some problems with the town's water for a while now, so I was pleased when the water looked so clear. Right as I thought that, however, the water instantly changed from crystal clear to shit brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 92

By Username - 02/08/2011 07:55 - United States

Today, it was a warm day out so I left my car windows slightly open while I was at work. One of the local bums apparently thought this was a perfect opportunity to use my open driver's side window as a barf receptacle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 347

You deserved it 9 689

Bad dad

By So inappropriate - 09/01/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I learned that when my husband takes our son shopping and he acts up, my husband picks him up under his arm and carries him around, instead of talking to him and trying to calm or reason with him. I'm FURIOUS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 780

It's all in the past

By Anonymous - 14/05/2022 06:00 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me, years after it happened. I live with him and have been paying his rent, and have been completely oblivious of the fact all this time. Of course, it was also with the girl he told me not to worry about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 186

Stressed out

By Anonymous - 07/08/2023 06:00

Today, I was supposed to fly home for my dad's funeral, but the woman in the seat next to me was so obese, her bulging flesh left absolutely no way for me to sit in my seat. I complained to the stewardess, who then forced me to leave the plane just for raising my voice in frustration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 515

Ouchie

By shadowednavi - 26/04/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, one of the guests I was in the middle of seating knocked an empty wine glass from the table. I assured them it was all right, and kneeled down to pick up the now broken glass. The lady insisted on helping, as far as picking the glass up and dumping the shards into my open hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 166

You deserved it 3 877

Big booming voice issues

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 11:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, like the rest of the past year, I had to hear my roommate as he works as tech support from home. The man does not have an "inside voice" but echoes across multiple floors like a tuba, as he debugs people's software issues over the phone. Talking to him about it only makes him angry… and louder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 90

Productivity at all costs

By Sick boi - 07/08/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I got yelled at for calling in sick to work. My boss said, "I still came to work when I had pneumonia. You'll live." Uh… that's not impressive or motivating at all. That's downright stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 115

Get up off your ass

By Anonymous - 18/05/2013 19:27 - Mexico - Celaya

Today, I got my third promotion at work in as many years. My husband congratulated me very briefly, before asking if this meant he no longer had to look for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 445

You deserved it 5 111

By danrocketman - 05/10/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, I got a job in my university library. My job title is technical services. My actual job is pulling off the book label for the scanner and putting a new one on. For six hours a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 997

You deserved it 4 655

Family business

By Anonymous - 09/08/2023 06:00 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I found out on LinkedIn that my dad follows and endorses a successful cousin of ours. I guess I didn't make the cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 135

By presente13 - 17/05/2013 04:35 - United States

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 884

You deserved it 3 860

By Cakeman - 08/11/2009 15:03 - United States

Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "This tastes like shit!" I said. His wife baked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 303

You deserved it 51 839

The climate is whack

By fax4voice3 - 03/03/2021 17:01 - United States - Greenwich

Today, it was an unusually warm day after many weeks of typical subfreezing temperatures, so my family and I went for a walk in the park. We all came back with mosquito bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 235

Bet!

By I paid up - 18/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, my friend was eating oyster crackers and was down to only a couple left. I told him that I would give him $5 if he managed to throw one of the remaining crackers across the room and into my open water bottle. Apparently he plays basketball in his spare time, because he made it in one try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 578

By Seriously? - 15/05/2013 21:47 - United States - Irvine

Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 432

You deserved it 3 534

By supergirl7 - 27/07/2011 22:21 - United States

Today, I discovered I can properly operate the television remote with my feet. I then realized that it is pretty much my only talent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 429

You deserved it 8 692

Pay up

By ShouldHaveLetHimTakeTheTV - 07/11/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 376

You deserved it 4 918

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The Top

Today, I waited in line at a drive-through behind a man for ten minutes. I got out of my car, cursed at him, and then asked him to give me one good reason why it would take that long to order. The man slowly explained to me that he had a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 195

You deserved it 130 827

Today, it was our 6 month anniversary. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present or take me out to dinner. Instead he cried to me about how much he hates his life while he repeatedly punched himself in the face. Then he dropped me off to spend time with his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 733

You deserved it 9 507

Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 807

You deserved it 77 218

Today, I was informed that- despite an already skeletal staff- my supervisor is leaving the company. Tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 401

You deserved it 338

Today, my first day at my new job, a guy decided to pay all his parking fines in one go. All £2300 of them. Yes, he did decide to pay it in pennies. Wheelbarrows and buckets full of pennies. That's 230,000 pennies. Guess whose job it was to count them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 366

You deserved it 405

Today, my boss threatened to fire me. Why? An old lady spent 30 minutes looking at our menu before asking for "cottage pie." After telling her that it wasn't an item on the menu, she spent another 20 minutes deciding. She then asked for several more items we didn't have, then complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 435

You deserved it 119