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Everyone's a critic

By Anonymous - 22/05/2022 10:00

Today, and not for the first time, I wondered if the "musical guest" on SNL was somebody they found busking in the nearest subway station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 276

Doggone right!

By Emilia - 16/09/2023 14:00

Today, my boyfriend went out and bought a pistol. When I asked him in horror why he did such a thing, he said, "It's my God-given right as a US citizen!" We're not even American, we immigrated from the UK, and we were both atheists, or so I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 426

It's all downhill from here

By hifhfan - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I entered my late twenties. My hair's falling out and I'm putting on weight at light speed. At least I can keep my youthful appearance with the acne I still suffer from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 461

You deserved it 5 186

By Anonymous - 07/09/2010 19:16 - United States

Today, 50,000 copies of the new edition of the town's phone book came out. I manage a pizza place and bought a full menu ad. Apparently the ad designer got confused, as they placed my cell phone number in huge bold letters at the bottom of the ad instead of the store's phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 579

You deserved it 3 683

Thanks, I hate it

By effmylife - 23/10/2009 10:09 - United States

Today, I took my SUV in to get the oil changed, and the tires rotated. They allowed me to stay there, because they said it would only take 30 minutes. So I sit there in the waiting room, and I look through the window only to see my SUV falling off the lift, from 6 feet in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 811

You deserved it 3 661

The blame game

By Anonymous - 21/06/2022 06:00

Today, I got home from work to the news my daughter and stepson are dating, and having sex, which is weird but not illegal, since they’re not related. My wife however is blaming me, because I apparently didn’t let her discipline them harshly enough when they were teenagers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 605

You deserved it 319

Incoming!

By mvgirl - 22/10/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, while sitting with my son, an ice cream cone landed on my head from out of nowhere. I look up to see three children on the balcony above us yelling, "Look! We hit the fat lady!" They ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 104

You deserved it 5 603

Smugglers unite

By atang - 09/04/2009 09:16 - United States

Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 968

You deserved it 11 459

Thanks, I'm cured

By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 109

You deserved it 5 450

Sucks to suck

By Lila - 31/05/2022 22:00 - United States - Port Orange

Today, after several months of starting an antidepressant at the same time as my husband, I have horrible side effects, including weight gain, drowsiness, and acne. His only side effect? He can now only achieve an orgasm through oral stimulation. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 205

Rookie mistake

By no selfie for me - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 277

You deserved it 59 966

By Fmylife.25 - 03/09/2010 19:56 - United States

Today, I got the haircut I've been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I'm scared to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 096

You deserved it 6 184

By Timebaseboy - 21/10/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, the driver side mirror of my car was smashed off and laying on the ground. On the window was a $75.00 ticket for improper equipment for not having a mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 945

You deserved it 2 083

She's like the wind

By EyeSeeYou - 02/05/2012 18:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 010

You deserved it 6 965

Groupie says no

By Anonymous - 20/10/2009 06:51 - Canada

Today, I told my girlfriend of eight months that if she didn't start taking my band's music seriously, we couldn't see each other anymore. She said fine, and I hugged her, but then she stood up and said, 'I hope we can still be friends,' and walked out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 084

You deserved it 72 119

Management for dummies

By hayley8 - 04/06/2022 10:00

Today, it’s the middle of my vacation and I just got a notification saying my time off request was denied. A month earlier, I got the notice saying it was approved. I’m literally 4 states over. I’m not going to have a job when I get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 100

Failed the smell test

By Anonymous - 26/09/2023 14:00 - Germany

Today, I can hardly enjoy my food because of the reek from the cat's litter box under the bench. Poor cat, you might say, serves me right for not cleaning the litter box? Actually, the box is clean. What smells disgusting is the scented cat litter I bought because there was nothing else available. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 264

The noise of God

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 20:00

Today, my neighbour shouted at me for starting my car early in the morning because "a decent, God-fearing man" has no business going places in the dark "when Satan is about his wicked business." I’m a priest and I have a funeral to prepare for this morning. That's about as un-Satan like as you can get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 74

By could be an fml commenter - 13/04/2013 17:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 695

You deserved it 108 296

By Anonymous - 18/08/2019 16:00 - United Kingdom - Thornbury

Today, the only "Happy birthday!" I got was from the cake I bought for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 914

You deserved it 164

Them frenchies don't **** around

By Anonymous - 30/09/2023 00:02

Today, my son, who I admit has a temper, met his cousins from France for the first time. Straight away he lost his temper, but before I could step in, his younger cousin knocked him out cold with a right hook, looked me dead in the eye and said, “That’s how you get a bitch under control.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 1 751

By fuckingdieyouoldhag - 20/05/2014 20:08 - United States

Today, I was taking a selfie. My grandma saw me, then after smirking to herself, she went and told my parents that I was "doing that sexting thing". They believed her and grounded me, even after I showed that all my photos and sent messages were totally innocent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 694

You deserved it 9 639

By -insert clever nickname here- - 29/04/2012 23:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 535

You deserved it 15 048

Laissez-faire capitalism

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 17:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my Facebook account is deactivated and I don't think they are going to give me my account balance of $855 on Marketplace. So, I'm out my items, shipping costs and the profit I would have made. Facebook Marketplace is a scam. I'm so depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 234

Uneasy

By Anonymous - 24/03/2025 03:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my husband bought me some new perfume. It wasn’t really my style but he insisted I try it. Afterward we had some of the best, most vigorous sex of our entire relationship. Later, while visiting his parents, I found the same perfume in his mom’s bathroom. It’s her 'special occasion' scent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 25/04/2012 14:33 - United States - Oakland

Today, I finally found the jewelry my two-year-old son had lost when it got lodged in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 545

You deserved it 2 733

By tmac - 04/04/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet. I automatically dove my hand in and ran out of the stall with it. As I dried it, some girls were laughing. I assumed that they were laughing because my phone fell in the toilet. Then I noticed my pants were still down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 100

You deserved it 43 152

By Monroe - 23/06/2011 22:30 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my cousin when I realized my aunt didn't tell me where the diapers were. I searched the entire house, but I had no luck. Then my cousin ripped off the diaper she was wearing and peed on the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 354

You deserved it 4 253

It's all about that D

By MK. - 21/04/2021 02:00

Today, at the age of 22, I found out that Wednesday has another D in it. Literally no one ever corrected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 909

By jordeshting - 22/06/2011 15:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I complimented a girl on her stockings pattern. Turns out she wasn't wearing stockings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 728

You deserved it 8 619

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The Top

Today, I went to spend my last $50 on gas, since I get paid in 5 days. I paid for the gas and stepped into the restroom briefly. I came out, only to discover that the attendant had put the gas on the wrong pump, and someone had used it for themselves. My tank is empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 432

You deserved it 6 618

Today, I have to choose between getting a cellphone contract that I need, or a TV that I don't even want, but which my flatmates insist I contribute towards. The same flatmates who eat all my food. This increased grocery bill has left me unable to afford either the phone or TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 078

You deserved it 6 571

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend telling me to be romantic, I decided to make a romantic bath for us, complete with oil bath beads. After we get ready to take the bath, she puts her hand in the water and says she won't get it because 'it feels slimy'. I enjoyed a romantic bath alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 328

You deserved it 3 989

Today, I hit someone’s car and got arrested for a DUI. I had to tell my parents so they could remove me from the insurance. My mom's response in the background after I told my dad was "I knew it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 4 426

Today, after three years of being in physical pain, which affects my health and daily life, I was told it's an undiagnosable condition that I'll have to deal with for a long time, as there are no answers and no fixable solution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 111

Today, I realized I married a jerk when my husband grounded his daughter for literally a whole year and completely stripped her room down to just a bed and bookshelf and dresser. What did she do? Kissed a boy. When I told him he was going too far, he told me to STFU and that she was his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 107