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Jesus freak

By Max Flynn - 20/05/2011 10:07

Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 430

You deserved it 15 756

DUDE! WTF?

By Anonymous - 21/09/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I parked my truck next to a rather large SUV at school, went to class for 8 hours straight, came back and found my passenger side door crumpled from where they had backed out and hit it. They left a note on my window that said, "Sorry about your truck, but I don't have insurance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 808

You deserved it 2 723

By nickyniknaim93 - 11/03/2009 06:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 756

You deserved it 17 025

By fuck the fucking cops - 16/03/2012 18:41 - Belgium

Today, I was on the bus, when the inspector asked to see my ticket. I couldn't find it, and ended up being kicked off the bus while a few of the other passengers jeered at me. I found my ticket on the long walk home, buried in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 923

You deserved it 4 819

By yrfavweapon - 02/07/2010 19:29 - United States

Today, after two hours, I finally got my very cranky, sick baby to fall asleep. Five minutes later, a neighbor started shooting off fireworks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 554

You deserved it 3 881

That relationship is toast

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 18:01

Today, my girlfriend cheated on me and still played the victim. She went and told her friends that I didn't give her freedom. She said I didn't let her buy a toaster. We had an airfryer with a toast option! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 164

By Paris101 - 22/02/2013 14:51 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I emailed 10 parents inviting them to my son's birthday party. All 10 emailed back saying their kids had to get a cavity filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 405

You deserved it 3 902

By me - 18/05/2011 04:13

Today, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years, with whom I have a baby, broke up with me. His reason? His best friend said he didn't like drinking with guys who were "tied down". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 944

You deserved it 6 276

False hope

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after suggesting to my daughter for a while that she should try out for a cheerleading team to become more confident, she went to tryouts. She didn't make the team and she's spent the last six hours in her room crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 933

You deserved it 45 893

Getting on

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 05:59

Today, after much measuring with a tape measure, comparing with my sisters and even asking my husband for his opinion, I'm forced to admit that without a bra on, my boobs now sag so much my nipples hang down to the level of my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 134

By CierraJordan - 14/03/2012 11:31 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the world did not used to be black and white. It was just the pictures that were. She still doesn't believe me. She's eighteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 202

You deserved it 2 730

By Ilovelife07 - 19/09/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 744

You deserved it 9 600

US healthcare is ****** up

By Teethsuck - 18/08/2022 16:00 - United States - North Pole

Today, I went to the dentist two years after having a front tooth knocked out because I could finally (barely) afford the $4000 bill for an implant. They checked me out and told me that my teeth have shifted to the point that I’ll need braces before receiving an implant, for another $4k bill. I’m sick of looking like a hick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 129

We hear ya

By Diana - 25/10/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, I found out that falling asleep with a bobby pin in your hair means waking up with one jammed in your ear drum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 407

Pampered

By Megsley - 20/08/2022 04:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to the Walgreens by my house and bought 8 body wash soaps because my boyfriend needs that much for 3 days. I’ve done this so many times that the girls at the register know me, and my boyfriend, by name. They gave me a bunch of $5 off coupons because they felt so bad for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 179

Odd choice

By Anonymous - 22/08/2022 16:00

Today, I put "Jesus Christ" as a reference on an application, because all the fields needed to be filled in order for the submission to go through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 481

By anonymous - 18/06/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 31

By megs2129 - 16/09/2009 21:28 - United States

Today, I had to drink the most vile and disgusting medicinal treatments I could ever imagine. Then I had to drink it again when I threw up the first batch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 629

You deserved it 4 665

megs2129 tells us more.

megs2129 0

Thursday 17 September 2009 21:27

It was an expreimental treatment for Endometriosis. And it wasn't only the taste that was bad, it was how it made me feel. There were multiple portions of it, and some sizzled as they went down and stuff like that. The one that made me throw up made me feel like time stopped. I can't explain it, but it was like nothing was right. And it tasted horrible

By ITM21 - 09/03/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I accused a student in my class of getting his dad to do his homework. It turns out that his dad died two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 786

You deserved it 58 062

By Noname - 06/03/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I found out my four best friends are going to Florida for spring break without me. When asked why I was not invited to go with them the answer I received was, "we don't think you would look very good in a bathing suit, and we want to be able to pick up cute guys on the beach." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 688

You deserved it 6 447

How nice of them.

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 22:00

Today, I learned what my office nickname means. My nickname? Butterface. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 783

You deserved it 226

Little shit

By emmalou - 29/08/2022 06:00

Today, my son tried extort me into turning the WiFi back on by hiding my purse. He was mad because he'd lost access for being disrespectful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 249

Shine on

By owmyfoot - 24/02/2014 02:22 - United States - Sacramento

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 684

You deserved it 40 902

By starcatch777 - 09/05/2011 20:30 - United States

Today, I blacked out going up a roller coaster. Instead of helping me, my friend took pictures of my face and posted them on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 329

You deserved it 7 420

Magnum P.I.

By Anonymous - 26/08/2022 02:00

Today, I was in a slump for my private eye business. My idiot brother-in-law recently got engaged to a woman we don't know, and had a gut feeling about. Through my search, it turns out she is still legally married and only filed for divorce 3 weeks before the engagement. I don't know how to bring it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 231

By Sexy Rash - 21/02/2014 23:26 - Australia - Wallgrove

Spicy

Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 647

You deserved it 8 355

Anything is food if you're brave enough

By sarahfromthesouth - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while in line at the waterpark, I looked down to see my 3 year-old daughter chewing on a used Band-Aid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 162

You deserved it 7 706

Juicer

By Anonymous - 05/09/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, while I was gambling at a casino, my daughter call me. Then added her mother. And then added her dance teacher, my side piece. The call got so loud the Pit Boss had to escort me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 3 072

By gonkc - 04/03/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, to remind myself to write a check for my speech and debate team (Lynbrook Speech and Debate), I wrote "LSD money" on the back of my hand. The Vice Principal saw it, dragged me to the office, and called my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 870

You deserved it 15 213

Cultural appropriation

By Christinne - 26/06/2021 04:01

Today, I had to explain to my mom what an 'LGBT ally' is and that it is entirely possible for a straight cis girl to support the LGBT movement. She thought I was a lesbian because I have rainbow colored and LGBT memorabilia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 631

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The Top

The Top

Today, I went in for an interview for my first ever job. Just seconds after meeting the boss, I slipped on the linoleum floor. I was wearing a skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 116

You deserved it 2 310

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 241

You deserved it 9 268

Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 017

You deserved it 3 984

Today, I found out that my parents are first cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 502

You deserved it 7 385

Today, I was dismissed from my job for my poor absence record. I'd not received any formal warnings, and was dismissed on the spot. My absences were because of my disability. He didn't even ask for medical records. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 176

Today, I came out as a lesbian to my friends. They were supportive, save for my one friend, who accused me of copying her by also being a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 173