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Grow up!

By UpTheDuff - 20/04/2023 18:00 - United States - New York

Today, after a necessary medical procedure that rendered my birth control ineffective, I found out I’m pregnant. I was already planning to break up with my manchild boyfriend, and when I told him this, his first response was, “What will my parents think?” Parents with whom he still lives at age 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 823

Feet issues

By fet - 23/08/2012 14:30 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I had to shave my feet in order to wear ballet flats. I'm not a hobbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 248

You deserved it 3 471

Never enough

By Discostu80 - 06/06/2009 10:24 - Australia

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered into my wife's ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 874

You deserved it 6 950

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, a woman slipped on the ice in front of me. Instinctively, I caught her before she fell. Instead of thanking me, she whirled around and asked me if my *expletive* mother had taught me to grope women inappropriately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 547

You deserved it 2 739

Who's the asshat in this scenario?

By Anonymous - 22/04/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, my mom told me that I will never see my siblings again because I refused to attend her wedding to another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 884

By yarhyun1 - 19/08/2012 16:00 - United States

Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 366

You deserved it 2 555

By TukTuk - 27/10/2014 21:18 - Germany - Weinböhla

Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique mirror after discovering a stack of papers behind the back board. I finally got hold of one corner, and pulled out - a newspaper from 2007 and instructions for an IKEA bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 232

You deserved it 5 074

By lonelygirl - 17/08/2012 23:33 - United States - Circleville

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 078

You deserved it 27 041

By Surfinbird09 - 20/12/2009 12:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked a girl I liked for her number, but she claimed she had a broken phone and was getting a new one for Christmas. Unhinged, I go home and go onto Facebook. First thing I see is her status: "Why is no one answering my calls?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 780

You deserved it 4 093

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for Christmas. He then told me that he would only tell me if I promised not to get mad, so I agreed. He told me that he wants me to start working out because I'm getting fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 646

You deserved it 33 134

Spy vs. Spy

By Bree - 15/08/2012 15:15 - United States

Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 782

You deserved it 1 737

By unsatisfied - 29/11/2010 12:13 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was lying in bed listening to my neighbors have loud, and what sounded like, enjoyable sex. My boyfriend rolled over and said, "she sounds like fun" before rolling back over and going to sleep. It's been four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 711

You deserved it 6 544

By Poem - 19/12/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I spent hours delicately writing out what seemed to be a beautiful poem to my girlfriend. After I sent it to her, I kept eyeing my phone to see her surprised message. No, the only response I got was, "You may want to use a spellcheck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 056

You deserved it 26 307

Look mom!

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 19:59

Spicy

Today, I was having my 9 year-old son help me find the TV remote. We were searching my bedroom when all the sudden my son says, “Look, mom it’s right here!” I turn around to see him pointing to where the remote was with my vibrator like a teacher pointing at a blackboard with a pointer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 1 019

Chill out, dude

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 00:55 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my son displayed an interest in chess, and asked me to teach him to play. Five minutes in, I captured his queen. He screamed "SCREW THIS STUPID GAME", slammed his fist down on his pieces, and started crying because of the pain. He's fourteen years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 079

You deserved it 4 686

By Theo - 18/12/2009 06:52 - United States

Today, I came home to find my room completely torn apart. My mom and dad start yelling at me asking me why I am doing drugs because she found a tiny baggie on the floor. It was the little bag that spare buttons come in when you buy a dress shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 943

You deserved it 2 241

Slippin' up

By Anonymous - 03/02/2022 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, someone told me to watch out for ice and slick spots. Gee, thanks. I could have used that information before I stepped out of my car and fell on some black ice. My left arm feels like it's on fire, and I'm left handed to boot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 258

Hang in there

By Trinity - 11/05/2023 06:00

Today, I have been dealing with painful lymphedema and I'd finally got a doctor's appointment, but they called and cancelled last minute. Here's to another week being in pain… FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 85

Chill

By Anonymous - 04/10/2024 14:00 - Australia

Today, I was chatting to a cashier I see quite a lot, trying to be as charming and as unsmarmy as possible. When she asked if I wanted the receipt, I panicked and said, "No thanks, I don’t believe in paper." She looked at me like I was an alien. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 484

By james52 - 18/07/2013 04:04 - United States - Mckinney

Today, while texting my boyfriend, I noticed that he copies and pastes old messages so he doesn't have to write new ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 127

You deserved it 5 796

james52 tells us more.

james52 17

Friday 19 July 2013 17:46

Hey, I talked to him about it and he denied it and then said sorry. We've been together for four years (high school sweethearts). we've been fighting for a long while and we both think its time for a change. I still love him very much but think its time for someone to appreciate me.

By cartrouble - 25/11/2010 03:52 - United States

Today, my car broke down. My boyfriend, who is not too handy, insisted on fixing it. He called me outside and said he was done and started the engine. Moments after rejoicing, it burst into flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 632

You deserved it 6 773

Give it back

By psycho - 17/02/2022 04:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was on my patio trying to take photos of the amazing sunset. My phone slipped out of my hands and landed on my downstairs neighbor’s patio. When I asked for it back, they slammed the door in my face. I tried to climb over and get it myself. They called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 190

I can fix him

By Anonymous - 05/10/2024 22:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I realised I'm like the Mary Poppins of dating. I keep meeting these broken men, I help them through their stuff, only for them to date someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 16/10/2014 19:30 - United States - Traverse City

Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 838

You deserved it 5 937

Iron Man

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 23:46 - United States

Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I thought it would be funny to tell him I was Iron Man and that nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later, he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 689

You deserved it 38 511

Ignore! Ignore!

By Anonymous - 12/05/2023 22:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I was at a job interview when my phone started ringing. It was my mom, so I quickly hit "Ignore", which was probably for the best since she was obviously drunk. She left a voicemail in which she sang "Happy Birthday" to me. It's not my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 137

Awkward

By reesemaster - 23/11/2010 00:18 - United States

Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "What were you reaching for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 280

You deserved it 9 867

By WIIslave - 14/12/2009 07:49 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to get a pulled arm muscle checked. I told him I had been bowling, and it had just started to hurt badly. He said it was normal for a man of my age (35) to pull a muscle when lifting a ball of 12-15 pounds. I then told him it was on my son's Wii. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 939

You deserved it 29 039

By HappyBirthday - 28/05/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, it was my friend's birthday. She's been having problems with most of her friends besides me lately, so I wanted to do something special. I brought her a cake. Me and her were the only ones to have any. It gave us both food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 394

You deserved it 4 777

Get 'em!

By Gosh Darn Phone Thief - 11/12/2020 23:02

Today, somebody grabbed my phone out of my hands and ran away with it. I'm a cross country runner, albeit one with stress fractures, but I was able to catch up with them and get my phone back. Unfortunately, the running aggravated my stress fractures and I have to get a plaster cast. Merry fricking Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 110

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The Top

The Top

Today, changing the garbage in the bathroom at work resulted in a hospital visit after an incorrectly disposed used needle scraped into my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 110

You deserved it 226

Today, I confirmed that my professor hates me. Weeks ago, I failed a paper for the first time, so I went to my professor, apologized profusely, and discussed my revision plan. I got his approval on my conclusions and added all the details he suggested. I then submitted my paper. I got my grade this morning: C-. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 315

Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 150

Today, I woke in the same way as every day, puking and hating life. It hasn’t been the same since my new boss started. I now want to start afresh, quit my job, and find a better way of living without ripping my eyes out. Why can’t I just win the lottery? FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 240

Today, it marks the 24th day of being on this site, as nothing else will load at my work, and it takes me 30 minutes to watch a 3 minute-long video. I'm going to die in this place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 451

Today, my leasing office called to inform me that we will be receiving an eviction notice. After further communication into why, I found out that I’m not being evicted, but my girlfriend of six years is, because she got caught doing the dirty with someone in the apartment gym restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 109