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By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 11:37 - United States

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 200

You deserved it 2 787

By showerpower - 21/01/2010 00:23 - United States

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 527

You deserved it 34 922

Slacker

By Anonymous - 03/07/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I sent a Slack message intended for my coworker/friend to my boss. The message included plans to "get through the workday without actually working." My boss perked his head up at the other end of the office before I had time to realise what I'd done, and asked if we needed to talk about my future in the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 787

By tiredofthis - 10/10/2012 17:38 - United States - Jefferson City

Today, my roommate set her extremely loud alarm clock for 5am and continued to hit the snooze button every ten minutes until 7:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 046

You deserved it 2 017

By Courtney - 12/11/2011 21:13 - United States

Today, only after I almost knocked myself out cold with the shampoo bottle, did I finally get some out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 372

You deserved it 6 087

Dating sucks

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 19:59

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 455

You deserved it 496

Demanding

By Anonymous - 21/02/2023 10:00 - India

Today, I went out to buy my wife some flowers and a chocolate bar that I overhead she liked the other day. On the way home, I was complimented on the bouquet I chose and feeling pretty good about myself. When I got home it turned out I got the wrong kind of flowers and the wrong percent of dark chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 14/09/2013 15:04 - Canada - Whitecourt

Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 509

You deserved it 3 046

Ow ow ow

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered that just because I got my braces removed does not mean my painful mouth ulcers will stop. I now have them under my tongue. I can't even lick my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 659

You deserved it 2 685

By Cococautly - 04/07/2009 04:49 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 818

You deserved it 13 915

Responsibilities

By Anonymous - 18/12/2021 02:01

Today, my daughter got upset because, even though I bought the car for her when she got her license, I told her it was her responsibility to pay the tax, insurance and MOT every year. End result, my daughter is a selfish brat and I returned the car, but lost a bunch of my deposit money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 405

By didntknowyoucouldbreakit - 06/10/2012 20:29 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was fiddling around with the thermostat at my new place. For a laugh, I twisted the knob all the way to 40° Celsius, when it snapped off. I don't have a clue how to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 015

You deserved it 43 035

Those things are lethal

By Anonymous - 15/12/2021 11:01 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I was riding an electric scooter on my way to work when a car sped out of a driveway and hit me. Not only did I end up in hospital, but I missed my job on the second day back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 138

Cheeky

By Stumble - 17/01/2010 04:43 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 355

You deserved it 27 701

Exploitation

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 17:01

Today, after trying so hard to get myself back on my feet, I had an amazing interview and I was hired on the spot. I was so happy, until I read the position I was given, and it turns out I didn't get full-time, I got barely enough hours to even be part-time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 194

By sophhiee - 05/11/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I was over at a friend's house for a party. I was trying to strike up a conversation with one of my cute guy friends, so I showed him this funny picture of me that my friend took. His reply was "Hahahaa those Fatbooth pictures are hilarious!" It wasn't a Fatbooth picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 776

You deserved it 7 219

Awkward conversation ahead

By Anonymous - 19/12/2021 23:01

Today, for the last two years of trying for a baby, my wife has been secretly still on the pill and takes a morning after pill every time we had sex. Funny, I thought we both wanted a baby, so I guess she doesn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 833

You deserved it 246

No tip for you

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 06:34 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick but went into my waitressing job because I'd already missed 3 days this week. I was dizzy and managed to spill a tray of drinks all over the customers. Then, when their food was done, I tripped and spilled hot chili all over the man's lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 065

You deserved it 11 993

It's all Double Dutch to me

By MahmoudA - 26/02/2023 02:00

Today, I was asked to translate for a family in Arabic since I’m the only one in my office who speaks Arabic. Turns out the family is actually from Bangladesh. They speak Bengali. When I explained this to my coworker he replied, “But aren’t y’all Middle Easterns related or something?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 104

Good omens, etc.

By scoold - 21/12/2014 22:02 - United States - Dover

Today, my boss sent me a link on how to write a good resignation letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 746

You deserved it 2 974

Caught in the act

By Anonymous - 14/01/2010 05:10 - United States

Today, I was on the computer in the library on campus. I was Facebook-stalking a really cute girl that I often see on campus. As I'm looking at her profile pictures, I turn around and the girl is standing right behind me. She gave me a disgusted look and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 584

You deserved it 44 908

Blue Christmas

By xlees - 02/12/2021 22:58 - New Zealand

Today, my mum told me she would rather spend Christmas with her boyfriend than with her own family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 202

By cherbear1000 - 04/09/2013 21:07 - United States - Newville

Today, I put scribbles, lines, shapes and random words on my calendar just to make it seem like I was busy. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 011

You deserved it 9 024

By anonymous - 03/01/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 909

You deserved it 5 070

Not a car person

By Vehophobic - 21/09/2020 08:05 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, my grandfather called me for the first time since lockdown. Just like the last 3 times we spoke, he tried to pressure me into learning to drive, despite my making it clear that it absolutely terrifies me. He won't stop asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 773

You may be entitled to compensation…

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 14:01

Today, I was working when a forklift came speeding out a trailer without honking. I jumped out the way, only to trip over something and fall out the dock door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 109

Be gone, brand

By Anonymous - 17/12/2014 13:43 - Germany - Munich

Today, after finally finishing a huge internal rebranding project at work, which I've poured blood, sweat and tears into over the last 12 months, I found out we're being acquired by another company and that our new brand will no longer exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 190

You deserved it 2 528

Chill out, mate

By Anonymous - 25/07/2024 22:00

Today, I learned that when you tell an employee with anger issues that he’s had too many sick days due to being hungover, there's a high chance you will be hoisted off the ground by your shirt front and thrown into a drainage ditch full of stagnant water and a dead fox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 103

By oreoblizzard619 - 25/09/2012 12:13 - United States

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 589

You deserved it 3 210

By Tom - 26/06/2009 00:56 - United States

Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 902

You deserved it 6 903

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The Top

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that, "Old people are allowed to tell the truth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 592

You deserved it 4 792

Today, I performed in my school's choir concert. The girl next to me started to pass out, and I grabbed her so she wouldn't hit her head. After we were done performing and the curtains closed, my choir teacher dragged me off stage and said I was getting an F for "creating a distraction". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 739

You deserved it 3 370

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 710

You deserved it 32 091

Today, I got an email from the local D and D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad: that the group is meeting on Valentine's Day, or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 271

You deserved it 4 540

Today, a salesman came to the door and I assumed the guy was peddling solar stuff. Before the poor guy had a chance to say anything, I blurted out, "We don't need any, we only spend $80 on electricity in the summer." He pointed to his shirt and replied, "I'm an exterminator." I then tried to awkwardly apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 1 723

Today, I heard from my little nephews that in school, the father of one of their peers has his arms all covered in tattoos. Their grandpa told my nephews to stay away from people with tattoos, as they were likely criminals and wanting to kidnap children. He doesn't know I have a tattoo in my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 193