The Top

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By Courtney - 04/02/2012 20:22 - Reserved

Today, I tried to inconspicuously hock a loogie. It went down my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 465

You deserved it 34 718

By it's just a name - 10/01/2013 05:53 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 344

You deserved it 6 330

By Imslow - 05/04/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 661

You deserved it 3 603

By gnafron - 31/12/2013 11:30 - France - Grenoble

Today, I went outside at 9am in my boxer shorts to get my mail in my garden. I'd put a shoe in the door to keep the door jammed open, but when I ran back, my dog had the shoe in his mouth and all the doors and windows were closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 147

By Curly - 09/01/2013 00:26 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my wife has the flu, while I have strep throat. We have a two-year-old toddler and have no clue as to who's more contagious and who should take care of her as to not get her sick. Yay for the entire day of surgical masks and Sesame Street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 403

You deserved it 2 751

No place like home

By MrMagicMan000 - 25/08/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sounds of birds singing, the smell of butter pancakes in the air, and thought to myself, "Wow, today is going to be great day. I can feel it!" Excited, I jumped out of bed and threw open the door to see my 58 year-old mother doing her morning stretches in the nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 320

You deserved it 4 424

By RustyRuski - 29/12/2013 22:58 - United States - Greenwood

Today, my boyfriend told me that we need to talk. I think he dumped me, but I'm not sure, because he muttered it in Russian and quickly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 504

You deserved it 3 665

Dog people

By peta eata - 02/08/2021 22:01 - United States

Today, a crazed woman started screaming at me at the dog park. She was saying that I was cruel and unfit to be a pet owner, and she ought to kick my ass. My dog's ears and tail were cropped before I even got him. He’s a rescue and came to me like this. She wouldn’t listen and followed me to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 197

You deserved it 95

By embarrassed - 31/01/2012 03:54 - United States

Today, my sister set it so all the Yahoo articles I read are published on my Facebook wall. This would have been fine had I not decided to read, "Does the gynecologist care if you shave?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 536

You deserved it 5 387

By brannie - 30/01/2012 00:26 - United States

Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 733

You deserved it 46 383

By Anonymous - 24/12/2013 17:19 - United States - Lake Ariel

Today, I got my period, and had to rush to my parents' bathroom for some pads. They'd put all our wrapped presents in their bathroom. As I was looking, my dad thought I was opening presents and barged in, only to see me with my pants around my ankles. Now he won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 135

You deserved it 4 054

By uggo - 29/03/2011 17:12 - United States

Today, I walked into a room, where a guy was violently picking his nose. He kept picking. A very pretty girl walked in after me, and he immediately stopped and sat up straight. Apparently, I'm too ugly to motivate strangers to stop excavating their nasal cavities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 803

You deserved it 5 428

Tooth hurty

By Anonymous - 28/10/2022 00:00 - Germany

Today, I asked my dentist for a sick note so I could get my lost filling put back in ASAP. According to her, being in pain 24/7 is not a medical condition that would justify immediate treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 109

By soawkward - 26/01/2012 19:09 - Canada

Today, I passed out in the shower with my boyfriend. He just left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 064

You deserved it 5 143

Trigger

By OhaiiKid - 07/03/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 495

You deserved it 26 084

It creeps up on you

By Anonymous - 10/08/2021 14:01

Today, I looked down while taking a piss and could only see my belly button. Wow, I’m fat now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 430

By Anonymous - 19/12/2013 20:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I canceled my Gamefly account. Seems that was the only thing keeping us together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 093

You deserved it 4 405

Back home

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 19:21 - Germany - Neunkirchen

Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 065

You deserved it 5 374

By Tennisplayer - 10/02/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 198

You deserved it 44 220

Sketchy dude

By WTF - 12/08/2021 18:01

Today, I was on the street with my sister. We walked by a homeless guy, who asked me for food. I gave him the leftovers from a restaurant we were just at. He also asked me if he could, "bang my girlfriend." My sister is 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 92

By jonnah - 05/03/2010 13:06 - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. His response? "Is that why you have been so clingy and annoying lately?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 724

You deserved it 5 301

By anonymus - 18/08/2009 16:33 - United States

Today, I asked a woman where her beautiful accent was from. The woman stared at me for a while. Then her daughter told me that the reason her mother talked like that was because she had a stroke a few months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 904

You deserved it 10 322

By fmjob - 17/08/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, I got a raise. A 10 cent raise. I have worked at my job for over 3 years. I now make 20 cents more an hour than people that have only worked there 3 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 655

You deserved it 3 998

By pootie - 11/12/2013 13:14 - United States - Miami

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 603

You deserved it 7 577

Daisy don't give a ****

By Dogs loose - 02/03/2010 12:17 - France

Today, I found out that there's nothing like having to chase a 100-something pound Bloodhound around the neighborhood when you're 8 months pregnant, with a 3 and 4 year-old in tow. Especially when she runs the other way at the sight of you coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 012

You deserved it 4 391

Afterthought

By too slow - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend we should start seeing other people. She said, "Don't worry, I'm already way ahead of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 638

You deserved it 9 917

Leave me alone

By Peppermint - 17/03/2011 10:00 - New Zealand

Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 428

You deserved it 5 390

By uwbeautyqueen12 - 01/03/2010 19:15 - United States

Today, I woke up on the floor after I fell asleep last night while counting my tips. The pennies stuck to my face and left large blue circles from the copper. The blue won't come off. I have my senior photos today. My appointment can't be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 729

You deserved it 6 589

The sight or the smell?

By Anonymous - 08/11/2022 18:00

Today, my girlfriend said she hates my feet and it’s a real turn off. It’s got to the point where if she sees my feet in bed she won’t sleep in the same bed as me. I hate wearing socks in bed, so not sure how we can resolve this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 165

By potatoes - 17/01/2012 03:16 - United States

Today, my dad got me to dance with him. After about a minute of waltzing to a song on the radio, he stepped away and said, "You smell bad. You need to take a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 288

You deserved it 30 970

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The Top

Today, my vibrator was in another room and I was too lazy to get it. I was also too lazy to do it manually. It's like I've been married to myself for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 912

You deserved it 16 131

Today, my family and I went to the coast. Our dog was off the leash because we were the only people around. He was delighted to find a dead seal carcass and roll around in its remains. We then had a 3 hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 652

You deserved it 8 648

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 947

You deserved it 30 168

Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 195

You deserved it 5 711

Today, after a year and half of being single, I was asked out on a date. I was asked by a married man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 959

You deserved it 210

Today, after feeling lost and sad for a long time, in a last attempt to get some answers, I'd saved up and flew to see a very famous clairvoyant. For the whole session, all she talked about was how great and successful my brother is going to be. $250 down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 1 740