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Hey, OP here, sorry I waited so long to reply to this but I didn't realise it got published! In the end, we left him behind and got my boyfriend's brother to drum for us. He's not out of the band though! I thought I could trust him.

What's your damage?

By Anonymous - 01/10/2022 21:30

Today, my therapist mentioned we should look into the possibility of me being autistic. When telling my boyfriend what she'd said, he replied, “I don’t think you’re autistic, just damaged.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 163

Pissed

By Anonymous - 13/01/2014 07:34 - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 958

You deserved it 54 137

By FrOsTy25 - 13/04/2011 22:57

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 793

You deserved it 7 656

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 16/03/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year dumped me. In my opinion, the relationship was going so well and I really thought we loved each other. When I asked why, he told me he never loved me. He just wanted to get in my pants, which after a year of refusing, he finally did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 056

You deserved it 5 919

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 05:31 - United States

Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 022

You deserved it 7 299

By AppoKing - 19/02/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 122

You deserved it 58 893

AppoKing tells us more.

AppoKing 0

Friday 20 February 2009 2:27

In reference to everyone who wants to know how he teaches: He uses power points and is able to type, change slides, and use a laser pointer with his foot (I think only one leg is actually real). He teaches psychology and is an amazing teacher.

Panic

By Lexy - 19/07/2021 14:01

Today, I'm so afraid of Covid, I lied to my friends to avoid hanging out with them every time I was invited. Yes, I've been vaccinated already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 1 372

Hazing ritual

By newguy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my third day at work and the hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 574

You deserved it 4 878

By Anonymous - 07/02/2012 18:15 - United States

Today, I saw my girlfriend at the store and joyfully greeted her. She got really mad at me - it was her identical twin sister, who I still cannot tell apart from my girlfriend. We've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 961

You deserved it 21 089

Bad doggo

By Anonymous - 29/08/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I got a call from the Sheriff's dept. saying that water was coming out my front door. I ran home to find a waterfall cascading over my covered parking. It turns out my puppy had chewed through the hose that connects the toilet to the water. My entire condo had an inch of standing water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 636

You deserved it 5 000

Not now, dude!

By sammy - 26/03/2020 04:59 - Australia

Today, I was working at the checkout. Trying to be hygienic, I suppressed a sneeze. I continued to serve the next person. As I was giving her her change, she looked at me with a horrified expression. I looked down and my shirt was covered in a trail of snot all the way to my belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 550

By CaitiieBuggs - 13/01/2013 07:22 - United States - Portland

Today, I was making wedding plans with my fiancé. His mother kept complaining about everything, and insisted it was pointless to plan because it's just our "first marriage." She then tried to convince him to dump me and move back in with her because "she's all he'll ever need." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 248

You deserved it 2 534

CaitiieBuggs tells us more.

CaitiieBuggs 23

Wednesday 12 February 2014 0:45

Op here to give a year later update: After my husband confronted her about the comments she tried to backtrack and do that whole "you misunderstood what I was saying" thing, although she said it pretty damn directly, like word for word. Wedding happened without anymore major problems from her, hubby's sister on the other hand is a different story. Mother in law has tried to convince us to move in with her a few times since, but we've kindly declined each time, but she'll bring it up every so often. She has the idea we're only together because I'm pregnant (which I'm not, but with her logic this is year 5 of my pregnancy) and my husband has called her out on that too, so for all of those wondering, he does defend and stand up for me, even if it takes a little push from my end:)I picked a good one. Hope that answers any questions people had:)