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Creepypasta time

By Anonymous - 12/09/2023 20:00

Today some young teenager nervously approached me, saying he’d done a drawing of me, and that I could have it if I wanted, then he ran off blushing. I thought it was cute until I saw the picture. It was me and him in extraordinary detail, having anal sex, with a dildo up my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 174

By Where is it coming from?! - 10/06/2014 02:46 - United States - Brightwood

Today, I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house. Upon entering by the front door, a horrid stench assaulted my nose. Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor. I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 011

You deserved it 6 946

TMI

By crazyman. - 12/05/2012 05:27 - United States - Keller

Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 778

You deserved it 4 151

Welcoming

By Anonymous - 06/06/2014 15:45 - Australia

Today, I was having lunch with my fiancé's family. After he excused himself to use the bathroom, his grandmother glared at me, sneered, "I never liked you" and kept eating while the others smirked. When my fiancé returned, everyone pretended nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 103

You deserved it 8 359

With friends like these…

By marz88 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 118

You deserved it 7 255

Move!

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 04:01

Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 138

By maleficunt - 03/06/2014 20:44 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 028

You deserved it 4 059

By Anonymous - 05/07/2011 22:28 - United States

Today, my mom took me to a counselor because of my addiction to watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 020

You deserved it 6 088

Busted

By bustedfornuthin - 08/09/2010 04:42 - United States

Today, I was arrested by the police for sitting in what they thought was a stolen vehicle. After being slammed into the back of a squad car at gunpoint, they realized the car was actually recovered a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 960

You deserved it 2 507

Little shit

By NoPocketforme - 04/04/2021 00:30

Today, I ate the last Hot Pocket in the house. My little brother threw a temper tantrum and poured a bucket of water all over my desk and Macbook. My mom’s response? “Aw he’s just a little boy.” My brother is 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 126

By Today - 07/09/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 326

You deserved it 6 599

I'm a wreck

By UnderConstruction - 04/05/2012 14:34 - Canada - Pickering

Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 447

You deserved it 4 288

By anonymous.. - 03/09/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was conceived on Halloween. She thought it would be funny to say "Let's just say your dad was not wearing his ghost costume." She then winked. I am now scarred for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 148

You deserved it 4 464

By MissedTheBoat - 14/04/2013 07:28 - Canada - Calgary

Today, when I was talking to my younger brother, he suddenly said "Oh, I was supposed to tell you that there's this girl who has a huge crush on you!" I asked who and he answered, "I totally forgot her name, that was like 2 months ago." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 703

You deserved it 4 210

By Anonymous - 30/06/2011 07:24 - Finland

Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 227

You deserved it 5 248

Life in the fast line

By tracey - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going 85 mph in a 60 mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch, even though the other cars were topping 100 mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 386

You deserved it 17 976

Thanks, asshole

By Anonymous - 20/08/2019 16:00

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and someone had left their dirty tampon rolled up in toilet paper on the top of the paper dispenser. I felt obligated to dispose of it, so the next person didn't think I left it, because there was a line for the stalls. Fuck you, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 210

By NoMoreMeatForAYear - 21/05/2014 21:23 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out that just because my roommate doesn't buy alcohol, it doesn't mean she isn't stealing mine and slowly replacing it with water. That bottle cost me $150 and was destined to be a present for my best friend, whom I haven't seen in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 378

You deserved it 4 425

Fun time

By InDisbelief - 12/04/2013 20:17 - United States - Racine

Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayed the night, hoping for some fun. Somehow, we started talking about conspiracy theories, and she spent the next half hour ranting at me about how Osama bin Laden is really still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 431

You deserved it 15 513

Riveting

By jobless - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I fell asleep during a job interview, while it was taking place over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 857

You deserved it 30 893

By Anonymous - 31/08/2010 16:32 - United States

Today, it's my nephew's second birthday. He was sitting on my lap, so I started tickling him. He laughed and squirmed so much, he smashed his mouth on my desk. Two bloody hours at the hospital later, he has no two front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 979

You deserved it 9 929

Spoiled

By ugh - 30/06/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, my beyond spoiled stepdaughter threw a massive fit, swearing she was going to sue her employer for discrimination after firing her. Her dumbass believed she could take her dog to work with her, and the company couldn’t legally ask if it was a service animal or not. She worked at McDonald’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 183

All words are made up

By Annoyed Student - 09/04/2013 23:09 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 019

You deserved it 4 154

RIP in peace

By katta2009 - 29/08/2010 11:29 - United States

Today, my grandmother died. No one called me to let me know she passed. I found out because people kept writing RIP on her Facebook wall. My siblings and I weren't even mentioned in her obituary with the other grandchildren, but they did remember to mention her dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 803

You deserved it 2 639

By Ohgreat - 17/10/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 548

You deserved it 46 815

By notsohot - 25/08/2019 00:01

Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 2 355

By kimhinesvoinea - 07/04/2013 12:07 - United States

Today, I took multiple pictures of my blanket and pillow pet, trying to get the "perfect pose" so I could post it on Facebook with a cheesy joke. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 433

You deserved it 43 688

Martial Arts Feels

By FML Approved - 29/08/2017 22:27 - France - Paris

Martial arts instructors have feelings too!

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 154

By pot, meet kettle - 05/04/2013 23:21 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 989

You deserved it 9 820

By Username - 23/06/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, I got home to find my truck smashed by a fallen old tree. I was going to have the tree removed next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 840

You deserved it 5 952

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The Top

Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 386

You deserved it 2 493

Today, I pulled a neck muscle while head-banging. I wasn't at a concert, and I'm not in a heavy metal band, but I do pretend that I am while I'm in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 597

You deserved it 24 412

Today, I was bathing my dog at a self-serve dog wash at a pet store. The person next to me decided to express his dog's anal glands, and the vile, greasy, fish-smelling liquid hit me on the side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 330

You deserved it 171

Today, I was out with friends when one of them started complaining about having to spend $50 on two copays for his therapist. He makes more a week than I do in three, and I can't even get seen by any type of healthcare professional because nowhere is accepting new patients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 96

Today, in the middle of sex, a bee stung me on the vulva. Definitely not the kind of prick I was expecting to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 176

Today, my rowing coach asked my teammates and me a question that I couldn’t quite hear. The answer should’ve been, “We rowed in pairs today” and I responded, “Only in Central Park.” The question was, “How did you row today?” not, “Have you rowed?” There was a long moment of silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 265