The Top

strip clubs aren't union. we have a total of 14 employees at this club and the GM would rather fire everyone and hire new people than deal with that. I'm 1 of 3 that have worked here longer than a year.

Food for thought

By Michael - 20/03/2021 11:02 - United States - Lincoln

Today, while assisting my 2 year-old with potty training, she stuck her hand in her own poop, and when I wasn't expecting it, put her fingers in my mouth. Ever wondered what a green blowout tastes like? I don't have to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 182

By locker - 16/09/2010 20:06 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 670

You deserved it 13 773

By christinabear - 15/04/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 900

You deserved it 88 920

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 02:52 - United States

Today, I parked my car on the street to go to the gym. When I came back my car was blocked by a parade of people. I turned to a shop worker smoking a cigarette and said "Jesus! What the hell is going on?" I got many strange looks. It was a Good Friday parade lead by a local church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 819

You deserved it 47 365

By Anonymous - 05/07/2011 22:28 - United States

Today, my mom took me to a counselor because of my addiction to watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 020

You deserved it 6 088

Busted

By bustedfornuthin - 08/09/2010 04:42 - United States

Today, I was arrested by the police for sitting in what they thought was a stolen vehicle. After being slammed into the back of a squad car at gunpoint, they realized the car was actually recovered a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 960

You deserved it 2 507

By blah - 10/04/2009 10:17 - United States

Today, I had a bunch of parties while my parents were out of town. I made sure to clean up absolutely everything, I even vacuumed the stairs. As they pulled up, I noticed all of the trash bags filled with beer cans blocking their way into the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 555

You deserved it 80 717

By cat - 07/08/2019 18:00

Today, I thought I was seeing double. My neighbours got a new dog, which is exactly the same as the other one, except that it hates me twice as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 145

The sweet smell of success

By stink stank stunk - 09/06/2022 22:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, as the only female manager, I had to talk to a worker about her hygiene. I asked if she had the means and a place to shower. She rolled her eyes and said of course she did, but found daily bathing unnecessary, and that a couple times a month does her just fine. The whole staff would disagree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 131

By Today - 07/09/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 326

You deserved it 6 599

Nice day for it

By fedlife - 09/04/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was going running. It was an especially windy day and things were flying through the wind. Apparently, bodily fluid can also fly through the wind. Turns out, a women was barfing over a bridge and the wind caught it and it flew through the air. Right into my face and body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 442

You deserved it 3 839

The power of the cardboard box

By Never ever again - 23/06/2022 10:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I’m kicking myself for buying and setting up an elaborate cat tree I thought my cats would love. The second I was done, they walked over to it, sniffed around, and went to sleep in the box it came in instead, and won’t go near the darn thing. It might as well be a $200 cardboard box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 298

By _Ducks_ - 28/05/2014 04:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned that my daughter was looking for love in all the wrong places, specifically the county jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 588

You deserved it 5 723

_Ducks_ tells us more.

_Ducks_ 7

Wednesday 28 May 2014 20:06

Hey, OP here. I can clear a few things up. She was nearly arrested for breaking and entering and saw a 'cute' boy at the jail. Every day since (without my knowledge) she went to the jail and talked to him. I found out last week.

By fucklife - 16/04/2013 18:13 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 573

You deserved it 5 214

By Eragons_Mommy92 - 04/05/2012 14:38 - United States

Today, my apartment was robbed by my landlord. Her logic? "I own the building, and therefore everything in it." That TV cost more than my rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 993

You deserved it 2 808

Eragons_Mommy92 tells us more.

Eragons_Mommy92 9

Friday 4 May 2012 23:28

This is mine. we did call the cops. we have to prove its our tv so now we have to find the receipt from 2 years ago. her whole family is into illegal shit. her son got arrested recently for forging the mayors signature. we intend on moving as soon as we find an available apartment.

By Anothermoose - 26/05/2014 03:34 - United States - Victorville

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Turns out that bouncers don't think it's a problem for girls to go up on stage and make out with the musicians. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 984

You deserved it 5 860