The Top

I posted this comment yesterday as frosty. I just thought I'd clear up a few things for the repliers. Yes, I agree the job is lame. I'm a co-manager, though, and it pays well for what it is. I made 38000 dollars last year I'm only 22. I've worked there since I was 15. Way too long. I am a college student. I attend the Savannah College of Art and Design, which is quite a prestigious art school. I'm an animation/sound design major (Dual major). My current GPA is a 3.55 I have a full scholarship since my high school academics were pretty good. I posted this because even I thought it was hilarious.

Cunning stunt

By Anonymous - 01/10/2023 20:00 - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I asked my wife for a divorce, after I tried everything to save our marriage, and it was a gut-wrenching decision. I tried easing her into it, but she instantly agreed. She had packing boxed ready to move out. Now I suspect she was sabotaging our marriage for months so I'd call it quits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 140

By vetapplez - 04/04/2009 08:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 598

You deserved it 8 660

By unknown - 07/04/2013 17:01 - Canada - Quebec

Today, my sister was faced with the choice of getting a burger, or picking me up in a snowstorm. The burger won, and I had to travel 4km home by foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 039

You deserved it 2 894

Will youuuuuuu ?

By Ido - 26/08/2010 20:06 - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend from the top of a bungee jumping platform at an amusement park. I yelled out, "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" from the platform, pointing her out. Turns out, I was pointing at the wrong girl. My girlfriend was very angry and ran away when the wrong girl yelled, "Yes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 194

You deserved it 16 250

Bridezilla strikes again

By Anonymous - 29/04/2021 10:58

Today, I told my sister I felt like her friends didn't like me, since they were ignoring my questions, opinions, etc., in the bridesmaids' chat, but were all over each other's messages. She kicked me from her bridal party, saying her friends wouldn't want me at the bridal shower and bachelorette party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 147

Creepy admission

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 17:00 - United States - Coventry

Today, I found out that my cousin has an OnlyFans, and I subscribed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 942

Let it all dangle

By Anonymous - 08/10/2023 14:30 - United States

Today, my 76 year-old mother-in-law stayed the night at our house. I bumped into her on the way to the bathroom during the night. She discovered I sleep naked. Sadly, I found out that she does, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 811

By romancocks - 09/05/2014 20:31 - United States - Palatka

Today, some girl in the street mistook me for Richard Simmons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 316

You deserved it 5 799

What's worse?

By Feeling unattractive - 11/10/2023 20:00

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating to pictures of Olivia Rodrigo on his computer. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that he hasn’t made love to me in weeks because he “couldn’t get horny” or that he’s 38 and apparently sexually attracted to a teenybopper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 157

By Me - 20/06/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 532

You deserved it 5 632

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, as an April fools day joke, I decided to tell my mom and dad that I was gay. After an awkward silence, my mom looks at me, smiles, and says, "well, we have known for a while." She wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 939

You deserved it 63 143

By justmylife - 21/08/2010 04:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years called my house even though I was with him at the time. He needed to talk to my mom. He asked her to break up with me for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 779

You deserved it 3 153

By Krissy. - 31/03/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 797

You deserved it 4 999

By cocacola999 - 03/05/2014 10:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety, I was trying to take part in conversations. So, when a girl mentioned she had a doctor's appointment next morning, I blurted out: "What kind of a doctor?" Everyone stared as she responded: "A gynaecologist." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 776

You deserved it 7 816

Everybody needs good Neighbours…

By borkbork - 06/09/2019 00:02 - Canada

Today, I was standing on the balcony I share with the neighboring apartment. My morbidly obese neighbor didn't know I was there, and walked out with her breasts exposed. Her boyfriend then walked out and struck up a conversation with me about the fine weather we're having. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 173

Disappointing

By Funless - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was invited to a party, but I didn't attend because my boyfriend would be disappointed with me. Instead, I spent the night with him watching movies. At the end of the night, he broke up with me because I wasn't fun enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 034

You deserved it 7 766

By Scholar - 16/06/2011 16:03 - United States

Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 494

You deserved it 6 182

NIMBYs all over

By Anonymous - 13/04/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I spoke out at a town hall about the lack of affordable housing. I was called a “Marxist” and told to “Move to Canada” by a guy who was vaping and wearing a “Don't Tread on Me” shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 11:10 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, my parents invited my Muslim boyfriend over for dinner for the first time. My mother made sure that everything including the salad had pork in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 604

You deserved it 7 480

By whitedevil - 09/10/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 180

You deserved it 49 958

By Anon. - 28/03/2009 08:07 - United States

Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 758

You deserved it 14 626

By AnonymousAndSad - 24/04/2014 23:42 - United States - Waukon

Today, after an entire year spent in physical therapy recovering from three knee surgeries, I finally returned to doing light agility exercises and running on a treadmill. When I told my therapist I had never been so happy and proud, he responded with, "This usually only takes 5 months, pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 809

You deserved it 7 877

Classic

By Anonymous - 07/05/2021 17:01 - New Zealand

Today, I pulled up to an intersection behind a car waiting to turn left and we missed a whole set of lights. As I was getting frustrated that they weren’t going when the light was green, I realised I was waiting behind a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 1 095

That line is a cheesy cliché, so use it wisely

By Giden - 18/07/2022 14:00

Today, I was at a party and saw this girl who used to be overweight. She'd lost a significant amount of weight and looked so good, I went to chat her up. She immediately told me to get lost. According to her, if I "didn’t appreciate her at her worst, I don’t deserve her at her best." FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 2 936

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 339

You deserved it 3 710

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 111

You deserved it 4 714

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 995

You deserved it 29 884

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to ride a bike with no training wheels. After comforting her and assuring her that she'd be fine, I gave her a big push. She fell forward over the handlebars and scraped her chin on the front wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 205

You deserved it 26 903

Today, I wanted to clean my house. Of course the vacuum cleaner got stuck behind furniture multiple times. After the fifth time or so, I gave it a good pull. Now my vacuum cleaner is broken and the socket is off the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 1 029

Today, my boyfriend wanted my emotional support after his other girlfriend hit him with a phone charger when she found out he had two girlfriends. Yes folks, the open relationship thing was news for me, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 133