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By Ismellbacon - 29/02/2012 06:29 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend called me a lazy pig. To prove her wrong, I decided to go lift some weights. A few reps in, my arm cracked and my first reaction was to squeal like a pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 450

You deserved it 29 117

Looking for another one!

By Anonymous - 20/12/2019 01:00

Today, I finally got a Christmas gift, a calligraphy set, for my father that I have been looking for for a month. My dad came home happily with the same calligraphy set today, saying that he surprised himself for Christmas. He got it cheaper than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 172

You deserved it 246

By Shooting myself - 10/02/2014 18:57 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, trying to do something nice for my brother, I filled up his truck's gas tank. I didn't realize until too late that it's a diesel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 310

You deserved it 22 210

By Anonymous - 26/05/2010 18:03 - Canada

Today, I went into a music store to look into getting a new guitar. I picked up one that I was interested in and tried it out quietly. A sales representative approached me and asked me to "stop the noise and leave the guitars for serious customers." I've been playing for almost ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 867

You deserved it 6 030

By vey - 08/02/2014 22:14 - China - Beijing

Today, and for the third time this week, I found a pubic hair in my soup. I'm currently bed-ridden and can't afford to piss off my boyfriend by complaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 807

You deserved it 5 256

Get back

By uncbballwins - 27/04/2011 04:21

Today, after shopping alone at a grocery store, I was taking my groceries back to my car when a kid grabbed one of my bags and ran. Deciding not to risk leaving the rest of my groceries stranded, I didn't chase him. Later, I realized that was the bag my credit card was in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 741

You deserved it 17 365

By finalssuck - 21/05/2010 15:01 - United States

Today, I found out that I have been studying for the wrong final exam. One more hour until the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 732

You deserved it 36 792

Going underground

By HotToTrotskyite - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Russian Federation

Today, I was riding on the Moscow metro. My friend and I were joking around in English about taking a nap on the nerdy business man next to me. As we laughed and made comments about him, which we thought he couldn't understand, he asked, "First time in Moscow?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 335

You deserved it 85 748

Denied

By Josie Stiger - 19/03/2020 05:00

Today, I wrote out a note to the guy I liked. I went to hand it to him, but he said, "Sorry, that's not mine," and walked away. I was so nervous, I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 322

Stuck on Amber

By River - 26/02/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 243

You deserved it 56 200

No Columbo

By Anonymous - 17/09/2022 09:30

Today, as my wife loves games, she set me a series of clues leading to our date night, where she's waiting for me. WHY? She knows how bad a problem solver I am. By the time she realised I was going to be hopelessly late, and answered my 50 missed calls, I’d only solved the first 2 clues out of 18 total. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 224

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 17:41 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 452

You deserved it 10 090

By Anonymous - 15/05/2010 19:41 - United States

Today, I stopped at a yellow light. The guy behind me did not. He had no insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 704

You deserved it 6 946

Thanks

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 125

You deserved it 4 414

Flattered

By Creeped out - 28/01/2013 08:14 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me, "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 227

You deserved it 3 716

By Gabi - 20/02/2012 14:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 316

You deserved it 6 577

By shit - 13/05/2010 21:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally rear-ended an undercover police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 012

You deserved it 13 781

Mind your own business, Cheryl

By A different illness - 21/09/2022 03:30 - United States

Today, I was harshly scolded by a woman who claimed I "can't get over the Covid hysteria" because I was wearing a mask outside in public. I wear a mask whenever I'm outside because of seasonal allergies, and I have not caught Covid since November 2020. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 198

By Forgetable - 21/04/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, a coworker introduced herself to me and told me she hopes I enjoy my new job. We've worked in the same building for two years. I say hello every time I see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 162

You deserved it 3 027

By Anonymous - 24/01/2013 17:52 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my husband yelled at me for not doing any household chores. I can barely move my hand without suffering excruciating pain, due to recent surgery to ease my arthritis, and my other hand is as bad as ever. I can barely work this phone, let alone wash dishes and iron clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 230

You deserved it 6 370

By mypoolisstilldirty - 16/02/2012 16:26 - Australia

Today, I found out that the pool boy has been stealing from me for over a year now. The latest things that he has taken are my laptop, the cash I hide in my closet, and my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 829

You deserved it 4 334

By Whoops - 03/09/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 277

You deserved it 42 398

By uhoh901 - 25/03/2010 11:07 - United States

Today, I just had a phone interview with a college. The lady asked me to spell out my password to a site so she can access my test scores. The password was "dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 968

You deserved it 52 191

By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 153

You deserved it 13 857

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 10/10/2022 17:30 - Turkey

Today, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex for a long time, so when she got out of the shower I was ready on our bed to finally do it. Her response? "Really? Now? I just got out of the shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 516

Heavy

By Betty - 17/03/2010 18:26 - United States

Today, I went in for a doctor's appointment. When I got on the scale, I was really excited to see that I'd lost ten pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the gym. The doctor then severely lectured me on the fact that I had gained twenty since my visit last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 545

You deserved it 9 295

By schellbytheseashore - 21/02/2009 07:30 - United States

Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 196

You deserved it 13 412

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - 15/07/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 780

By damnthedog - 19/01/2013 07:40 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I found out that my home-made pasta sauce had a weird taste to it because my basil patch in the backyard has become my dog's preferred spot to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 326

You deserved it 7 373

Hey Deborah, check these out

By Gabby - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 519

You deserved it 23 915

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The Top

Today, I was pulled over by the cops for a random breathalyzer test. They asked to see my license. I always keep my wallet in my car for situations like this. I received a $100 ticket because my mum apparently didn’t think it was a good idea to keep my wallet in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 406

You deserved it 7 100

Today, a woman shouted at me to give up my disabled seat on the bus because she wanted to sit down. She wasn't physically disabled, wasn't nearly old enough to need it, and the bus was half empty anyway. I guess my prosthetic leg doesn't entitle me to a priority seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 582

You deserved it 228

Today, an old lady came up to me and asked me to break a fifty for her. I gave her two twenties and a ten. I later used the fifty. It was counterfeit. I was conned by a pensioner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 405

Today, yet again, my 3 year-old daughter came home from a few hours with her father, screams and cries over everything, and when she realizes it won't get her anywhere, screams at me that she hates me and that she wants to go home. I calmly told her she is home, and she screamed, "This is not home!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 207

Today, none of us had any idea that our grandfather was a huge racist until I brought my new girlfriend over to a family gathering, and he started yelling because she's Indian, some of the most disgusting racial slurs I’ve ever heard. We left when it looked like he might actually hit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 149

Today, I wore new trousers to work. As I walked to my desk, I noticed a weird damp patch near my zip. Panicking, I thought I'd pissed myself. I rushed to the bathroom, then figured out that it was the condensation from my lunch container, which was in my bag that I had on my lap during the bus ride to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 138