Intimacy: Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance...

By polebitch49 - 14/03/2014 20:45 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML

agreeclassic 60 117

vote type 1 7 479

When Christmas Ends Badly…
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Similar FMLs

By anonymous - 14/03/2012 05:18 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML

agreeclassic 31 077

vote type 1 14 194

Sexy back

By Anonymous - 19/11/2017 06:00

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea, all over my husband's legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

agreeclassic 7 576

vote type 1 2 863

By Anonymous - 27/10/2009 10:28 - United Kingdom

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

agreeclassic 39 631

vote type 1 2 946

Gross, dude

By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 03:00

Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML

agreeclassic 4 193

vote type 1 542

By stink - 01/07/2015 02:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

agreeclassic 28 468

vote type 1 5 011

A load of hot air

By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML

agreeclassic 1 744

vote type 1 718

By Anonymous - 01/03/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

agreeclassic 49 745

vote type 1 10 948

Sounds like quite the catch

By Brooke - 14/08/2015 16:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

agreeclassic 25 820

vote type 1 2 363

Love is in the air

By Rydia - 31/10/2020 05:01

Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML

agreeclassic 978

vote type 1 199

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

agreeclassic 2 687

vote type 1 2 160

Articulation 12

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:21

Not exactly what you'd call a *******.

Syncronisis 11

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:18

Everyone likes guys that smell nice.

Comments

rybaby23 8

Saturday 15 March 2014 13:57

That's a shitty situation!

Omniprism 14

Saturday 15 March 2014 14:33

Go smell some coffee beans.

pbull 5

Saturday 15 March 2014 15:30

LOL That's awesome what a cool guy!!! ;-)

brianlarkin 7

Saturday 15 March 2014 15:48

This is off topic but I like your profile pic

alitzia_e123 7

Saturday 15 March 2014 16:34

Did u get ur money back

cwl727 32

Saturday 15 March 2014 17:20

That is gross.

jazzy_123 20

Saturday 15 March 2014 18:20

17, I looked and there was nothing there :(

chosha_fml 26

Saturday 15 March 2014 20:07

I wonder if they paid extra for that.

DeeDeeJay 15

Saturday 15 March 2014 22:22

So...what did you do after?

Simbaby 23

Saturday 15 March 2014 23:10

That's so disgusting .

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I was walking home from a horrible day at work, when some idiot emptied a trashcan on my head from his apartment balcony. He cried "Oh shit!" and apologized because I wasn't his intended target. FML

agreeclassic 50 746

vote type 1 3 734

Today, I went for a much needed relaxing massage. As I lay down, the renovation works in the next building started up. FML

agreeclassic 19 466

vote type 1 1 424

Today, we're in the middle of vacation. Two days in, my dad no longer wants to do anything but sit in the hotel room and sulk because, "it's all about us." We'd already tried taking him to an antique car and motorcycle museum, and a local gun show, but he just sat in the car pouting. Five more days of this. FML

agreeclassic 549

vote type 1 93

Today, my mum screamed that there is nothing wrong with me, after I literally coughed up blood in front of her. This all started over me getting my medications delivered to our house, as I’m not allowed out due to Covid-19 as I’m high risk. FML

agreeclassic 2 193

vote type 1 255

Today, at school, I saw the guy I like at his locker. I decided to run up from behind and surprise him. I ended up accidentally slamming his locker on his fingers. FML

agreeclassic 42 291

vote type 1 44 421

Today, as I was picking up my 5-year-old brother from school, he hugged a girl from his class to say goodbye. His classmate's mom and I looked at each other, thinking it was adorable, until my brother decided to dry hump the side of his classmate's thigh. FML

agreeclassic 53 863

vote type 1 4 933