Love: Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being...

By lex - 14/02/2013 11:01 - United States

Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML

agreeclassic 30 048

vote type 1 12 289

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML

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By godhatesme - 26/01/2009 23:14 - United States

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By SY5623 - 12/08/2015 00:00 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I got all excited because I thought my crush was flirting with me, when in actuality she was taking advantage of me liking her so she and her friends could make fun of my speech impediment. FML

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By walkingdictionary - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/01/2025 04:00 - United States - Denver

Today, some girl hit me up and was flirting with me over text. It turns out she was doing it for money and it’s been so long that I almost fell for it. FML

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By BigBall - 09/09/2023 20:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a tourist from an English-as-second-language country taught me a new word. In English. FML

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By Proof-Reader - 15/12/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

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By Alyssasgoneawol - 24/12/2016 09:33 - United States

Today, I tried to flirt with some firefighters. They were too focused on the fire to notice my hints. FML

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HowieDoIt 21

Thursday 14 February 2013 16:25

She said coitus didn't she?

Cbizzlez 10

Thursday 14 February 2013 16:25

You must be auxin, because your causing me to have rapid stem elongation.

Comments

CrazyManNo9 29

Thursday 14 February 2013 21:26

Blonde much?

crazytwinsmom 25

Thursday 14 February 2013 21:44

No less rude than looking at a dictionary you pulled out of your purse or pocket.

picante72 24

Thursday 14 February 2013 21:57

Next time a woman offers you fellatio just nod and agree.

BabeWithThePower 5

Thursday 14 February 2013 22:41

Did he compliment you on your pulchritude?

BronayPonay 6

Thursday 14 February 2013 23:00

Thats some hardcore flirting going on.

friedbunnies 9

Thursday 14 February 2013 23:10

Wow. You put this on FML? That's the last time I flirt with a mere commoner...

KiddNYC1O 20

Thursday 14 February 2013 23:27

You will definitely need a thesaurus.

ChazzyWazzy1998 10

Thursday 14 February 2013 23:37

If it was a language translation dictionary then FYL, but if it was a plain English one then YDI for being so lame, I do feel sorry for you though OP

cannonman1863 17

Friday 15 February 2013 0:18

Could be the person doing the flirting was trying to use overly obscure words to sound impressive to the OP

Satoaoi 13

Friday 15 February 2013 1:54

damn. what a way to flirt

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Top

Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML

agreeclassic 1 093

vote type 1 300

Today, my husband broke the vase and smashed the chandelier in the hallway, all because I asked him who he was on the phone with. His exact words were, “Do you ever just mind your fucking business? Goddamn!” Oh, and he told me I have to buy a new vase and replace the chandelier. FML

agreeclassic 1 136

vote type 1 210

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

agreeclassic 56 171

vote type 1 10 546

Today, I came home from a rough day working two jobs to find a plate of cookies on my desk with a note from my roommates saying, "You deserve it!" I happily broke one in half to eat and discovered they contained coconut. I'm allergic to coconut, a fact that both of my roommates are aware of. FML

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vote type 1 3 752

Today, our AC broke. It's 98 degrees inside the house. My parents will be staying at a 5 star resort until the repairman can come to fix the unit in 6 days. They made me stay home to make sure the plants survive. FML

agreeclassic 37 228

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agreeclassic 23 876

vote type 1 54 113