Thief

Sitting ducks

By Anonymous - 30/07/2023 12:00

Today, my friend and I stopped at a convenience store. She mentioned that it was was "a bad part of town", and I angrily reminded her that just because it's a poor area doesn't make it bad, and that she needed to be more tolerant. We then got jumped, beaten, and robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 1 221

Pumped

By Rita - 11/01/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, while pumping gas at the gas station, two men pulled up to my car, opened the passenger door, grabbed my handbag and sped off. The $2000 handbag that my husband worked pretty much all last year for to gift me for Christmas, my wallet, and my diabetes medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 248

Comfort

By Anonymous - 14/05/2023 01:00 - Bulgaria

Today, I got robbed in a elevator. Obviously I got scared, and I immediately called my mom to seek comfort. Instead of comforting me, she started yelling and calling me stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 131

Good job

By Anonymous - 10/10/2018 16:00 - United States

Today, I helped this guy get into his truck after he'd locked his keys in it, and he said thank you and went on his way. Ten minutes later, a woman came out of the grocery store and freaked out, saying someone stole her truck. I helped a guy steal a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 517

You deserved it 816

Duped

By Ennui - 20/02/2010 19:12 - United States

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 466

You deserved it 10 349

Brain fart

By jonjon - 13/06/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 966

You deserved it 47 343

Under new management

By NotAThief - 17/07/2017 20:00

Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 251

You deserved it 323

Needs

By Kelly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Roseville

Today, I found out that all the things I've lent to my best friend over the last few years that have never been returned were actually pawned off so she could pay her cable bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 554

You deserved it 3 447

Karate Kid

By Anonymous - 29/10/2021 08:00

Today, I took out a thief using my martial arts training. Everyone thanked me, even the police. My mom spent the rest of the day moaning that if I’d minded my own business, the thief would've been gone in two minutes, but thanks to me we had to waste an hour of her day off talking to the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 109

BIKES?!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 729

You deserved it 6 321

Axe to grind

By Hope his parents are proud. - 07/10/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, at my workplace, I caught a kid trying to break into my boss's car, as well as my own. After warning him that I'd call the police if I caught him again, he left. Then, after I got home, I heard weird noises right outside my door. It was him again, trying to break into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 98

Creepy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Tobyhanna

Today, I had to explain to my father that when my friends sleep over, it's not acceptable to sneak into my room in the middle of the night and dig through their stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 990

You deserved it 4 518

BIKES!

By Jjay08 - 26/04/2016 21:17 - United States - Miles City

Today, I discovered a purple BMX bike abandoned in my front yard. I wondered why it was there, until I looked over to discover that my own bike had been stolen. I guess they liked mine better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 690

You deserved it 1 134

Tea leaf

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Lafayette

Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 743

You deserved it 4 030

Smart criminals

By Annette - 27/11/2020 23:01

Today, I came out to find my truck window broken. They broke into my truck to yank out the stereo. It was unlocked the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 104

Baby you can't drive my car

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Burnham

Today, I found out why my bank balance is so unusually low. It turns out that I bought a car in Indonesia. I've never been to Indonesia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 742

You deserved it 3 620

Heist

By Pedro the Basuraman - 11/05/2018 20:30

Today, after 27 years of dedicated and loyal service, it finally happened, I was robbed at gunpoint at work. The whole heist only took about 30 seconds and the perpetrator took off without taking anything from me. I still don't get it. What kind of screwball would hijack a garbage truck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 511

You deserved it 213

Smooth criminal

By omgfmlhard - 11/05/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I walked into Best Buy to buy a 42" widescreen TV I'd been saving up for many months. As I walked in, a man stopped me and handed me my wallet that I'd accidentally dropped. I thanked him. Five minutes later at the checkout, I opened up my wallet to realize it was empty. He had stolen everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 992

You deserved it 12 077

Nicked it

By Imdead - 14/09/2018 22:00

Today, we're taking the plane home from Dublin after a school trip that I only barely got onto after troubles with my passport. Luckily for me, a kind person had decided to save me from the passport this evening - together with the rest of my wallet. I'm stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 732

You deserved it 244

Gonna need it

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 07:59

Today, I decided that I was going to see a counselor due to the high amounts of stress my life. I planned to book the appointment when I got home. As soon as I got home, I noticed I had been robbed while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 93

It never rains, it pours

By TheGlow - 13/07/2023 08:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found my street parked car was crashed into overnight and is no longer able to be driven. I just spent $4k getting it fixed so I could sell it, and I only had it with me in the city because the day before someone tried to KIA Boys hack steal the other car I was driving, making that one unable to be driven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 120

Smooth criminal

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 00:01

Today, my sister stole my credit card, used it to rack up a small debt, then told my mom she will pay me back in the future one day, “happily”. But not right now because she has better things to spend her money on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 96

Occasional criminal

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 10:00 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I put my travel cup of coffee on the shelf behind me while getting a haircut. When I left, I picked up my coffee and cell phone. A block later, the barber had chased me down to get his cell phone back. Yep, I had two phones in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 296

By alex - 14/03/2011 14:44 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me to hold her purse while shopping. All of a sudden, a robber punched me in the face and took her purse. She started crying about her purse and told me to get off the ground because I was embarrassing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 817

You deserved it 10 079

We should do this again some time

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 572

You deserved it 2 493

Boozehound

By KamiAzaaaaaa - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 215

You deserved it 1 632

Confused

By Nathanael Johnson - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my roommate came home from work and yelled at me for my dinner being too spicy. The same dinner he denied stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 510

You deserved it 216

Whoops

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 12:07 - Sweden

Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 890

You deserved it 32 695

Shame! Shame! Shame!

By Telinaa - 08/11/2010 02:25 - Australia

Today, I was holding on to a shirt that I planned on buying, when an elderly man bumped into me. The shirt fell out of my hand, and slid just out the door. I went to the counter to explain what happened. Everyone accused me of trying to steal it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 225

You deserved it 3 074

Guilty until proven innocent

By Anonymous - 29/08/2022 14:00

Today, when looking through my home surveillance camera footage, I realised I was almost burgled. Two men broke in, looked around for a few minutes, and on the audio I clearly heard them complaining that I didn’t have anything worth stealing, so one of them pissed on my armchair. I'd blamed my dog for that damp patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 137

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I went to a cafe to order some food. The person at the counter was at least 30 cm taller than me, was wearing a mask, and had a quiet voice. I heard him ask, “Takeaway?” so I said no. He repeated the question three more times and I said no every time. Turns out he was asking “Dine in or takeaway?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 149

Today, I drank water from a random, half-full water bottle I found inside a bumper car (AKA dodgems) at the local fairground, thinking it was mine. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 934

Today, I was working on my laptop when the screen suddenly turned red. I was shocked since it's not that old, but my insurance just expired. On my way to the service I was thinking, "At least my car works!" Well... A few hours later, my car broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 377

You deserved it 180

Today, my mom blocked me on everything, kicked me out of her house, and declared that I'm "dead to her." Why? She ordered a package, but it never came. I’m still trying to process how that could possibly be my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 75

Today, when paying for gas, I realized I'd forgotten my wallet back home. After a moment of panic, I managed to remember my card number. I paid, blowing the cute cashier's mind, and drove away, before my car started sputtering and slowed to a crawl. I'd used the wrong fuel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 579

You deserved it 5 125

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 885

You deserved it 33 597