Confused

Just asking questions

By <Still_Closeted> - 19/02/2022 03:59

Today, I had a long call with my crush, the only person I have been in regular contact with for the past year. He regularly calls me to check up on me, and really cares about my interests. I'm not sure if he likes me back, or is just being friendly, and I'm too scared to ask him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 517

What?

By Anonymous - 07/09/2024 14:00 - Indonesia

Today, I went to a cafe to order some food. The person at the counter was at least 30 cm taller than me, was wearing a mask, and had a quiet voice. I heard him ask, “Takeaway?” so I said no. He repeated the question three more times and I said no every time. Turns out he was asking “Dine in or takeaway?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 149

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous - 26/10/2021 20:00 - United States - Little River

Today, my long-term partner and I decided we still love each other and want to try to salvage our relationship. Also today, a long-lost crush reconnected with me out of nowhere. The chemistry between us is insane and I can't stop thinking about him. Maybe it's a sign? FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 1 296

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 11/07/2025 20:00 - Netherlands - Creil

Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 143

Quandary

By Anonymous - 10/09/2023 06:02 - Singapore

Today, after my boyfriend left me a few months ago, I'd accepted him back because I wanted to work things out. However, now the pain I had to go through is making me lose sleep, interest, and my self-respect. Ugh! FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 685

Love is love, dude

By lonelyengineer - 19/12/2010 10:28 - Germany

Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 038

You deserved it 32 221

Make up your mind

By WhatKindOfZoneIsThis - 05/02/2022 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my crush told me that she has zero desire to pursue a romantic relationship with me, and has only ever seen me as a friend. That would've been fine if we hadn't been seeing each other for almost a year, and passionately made out a couple of nights ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 223

Short truce

By Anonymous - 26/02/2023 22:00

Today, it's been a week since my girlfriend has been mad at me but still won’t tell me why. Then she came on to me all sexy like, so I thought all was forgiven. Nope, she was just horny. Once she got her orgasm, she left me blue-balled, went right back to being mad at me, and still won’t explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 361

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 13/03/2023 20:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I was so tired from staying up late binge-watching my favorite show that I accidentally put my phone in the refrigerator instead of the milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 955

No uncertain terms

By Andreww - 30/03/2025 06:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I got broken up with yet again by my on-and-off ex-girlfriend. I had ended things with an amazing girl I was seeing just to go back to my ex. She'd made it clear that if things went wrong with my ex, I wasn't allowed to pursue her again. I tried to hit her up again anyway, but she told me to “take a short walk off a pier.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 1 490

Origin story

By Anonymous - 01/08/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, after sex, my boyfriend of six months was holding me and said, "I'm glad she sent you to my room." We met at a bar. Later I learned that, when he was younger and in a foreign country for a mission, a nurse in his hotel sent a younger nurse to his room. It felt as bad as being called by another woman's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 125

I'm confused

By confusedbagel - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 528

You deserved it 4 120

Is this Love Island?

By Anonymous - 19/07/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with flowers and dinner reservations for our one-year anniversary. She looked confused and said, “Wait, we’re counting from the first time we hung out?” It turns out she thought we were still “just talking.” She also has a boyfriend. It’s not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 347

Not like that

By Anonymous - 03/02/2023 22:00

Today, my boss told me to 'think outside the box'. I did and got lost in a corn maze for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 627

Love is love

By Anonymous - 05/04/2024 10:00 - Sierra Leone

Today, it was my best friend's wedding. The night ended with her in tears outside her hotel suite, where she confessed that she has a serious crush on me. I have a serious crush on her too. We're both straight women. I'm really confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 181

She's just not that into you

By Anonymous - 13/03/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, and recently, I've had a crush on a woman, we've and texting for a while. She always replies instantly and very positively, but she never asks about me or initiates anything. I have no idea whether I have a chance, but probably not. There are very limited signs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 540

Definitely confusing

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 10:00 - United States

Today, I lost my job, neither by quitting or getting fired. I don't know whether to be mad or confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 91

Mixed emotions

By Glen - 26/02/2025 04:30 - India - Ooty

Today, my girlfriend of 5 months walked in on me naked while I was on the toilet. She proceeded to tell me that she wants to watch me taking a dump. I'm both shocked and too hard to do what she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 162

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 12/02/2024 03:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, all because I don't text her throughout the day. Last week she told me she would get fired if she was caught reading texts at work, and to stop texting her during her work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 102

Confusing

By so confused - 09/12/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she was sexually frustrated. Naturally, I started coming on to her, only for her to shove me away and snap that just because she was sexually frustrated, it didn't mean that she wanted sex. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 239

A bug, not a feature

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 14:01

Today, I forget to remove my mask before I spitting. What a good day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 1 426

Bad parenting tips

By Anonymous - 02/08/2022 10:00

Today, even though I don’t have a problem with my ex having sex, I do have a problem with her bringing dudes home, who then meet my kid, confusing him. My kid is 4 years-old asked me if the guy from yesterday was his daddy, or if I was his daddy, even though I visit him every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 206

It's my face

By Hamza - 02/11/2022 22:00 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I took my friend to the hospital because he was sick. The doctor started asking me questions, as he thought I was the sick one. When I told him I wasn't sick, my friend was, he said, "You look more sick than him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 124

Piece of piss

By DogeToTheMoon - 29/05/2021 23:01 - United States - Schertz

Today, I wanted to either say, "I already did it, sweetheart" or "I already did it, baby" to my SO, but my brain had other plans. I started to say ,“I already did it, sweet baby” but I got to "sweet" and in a millisecond mentally switched words, so what I ended up saying was, "I already did it sweet peepee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 315

Alexa, play "Guess I'm Dumb" by Glen Campbell

By t…… - 23/10/2021 11:00

Today, my coworkers were trying to teach me how to play a card game. There was one rule that I just couldn’t wrap my head around, even with three of my coworkers explaining it in different ways. It just didn’t make any sense whatsoever to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 249

Suspicious minds

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I missed my own surprise party because, having heard it being planned, I thought it was going to be an intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 133

You deserved it 45 382

Stumped

By Possibly a robot - 27/09/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I failed a CAPTCHA seven times before completing it. They didn't lie when they said they are making them harder. I don't think I'm a robot, but maybe I should get tested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 129

Mix up

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 08:01

Today, I ordered DoorDash to my home. I sat outside waiting for it, starving, when my husband came out, laughing at me. The DoorDasher had called, I'd accidently sent it to my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 822

Crisis management

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 10:00

Today, my boyfriend thinks he’s having a sexuality crisis because I convinced him to let me stick a finger up his rear-end and he orgasmed so hard that now he’s worried he might be gay without knowing it. I love him, but God he’s hard work sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 136

You deserved it 594

A change is as good as rest

By Anonymous - 12/01/2024 10:00 - Sweden

Today, I had awesome sex with my ex. Again. I broke up with her a few weeks ago as she admittedly hadn't been attracted to me anymore in a long time. Now she says that after we broke up she doesn't feel any pressure anymore, and can enjoy sex with me again like she did before she moved in with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 218

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 787

You deserved it 5 068

Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 599

You deserved it 4 087

Today, I was thinking about my new diet and workout plan as I was getting dressed in the morning, feeling much thinner and more energetic. Just as the thought passed through my brain, the button on my skirt popped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 995

You deserved it 5 948

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 495

You deserved it 2 298

Today, my boyfriend leaned over and sniffed me like a dog. He does this almost every day, even in front of people sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 568

You deserved it 7 171

Today, I put my phone in the fridge to cool it down. Now it's cold, but it won't turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 1 354