Dalishelf

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

Misleading

Today, I went to dinner with a guy I like and paid the $120 bill. After joking that he was an expensive date, he replied, "I'm laughing at how you think this is a date." FML

Today, I repeatedly had to ask people to please stop groping the mannequins. FML