Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
DiNgD0ng
36 years-old
RC3Welly
United States 🌶️ Spicy
ChubbyTubby
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML
Jeff
This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff
United States
Wasps can **** right off
Today, a wasp flew into my room. While I, a 6'2" hockey player, cowered in the corner, my 4'11" girlfriend killed it. FML