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Hey guys, OP here, really glad that this was my first FML to be published :) I guess I should fill in the plot holes here, yes the house was dark, she came through my porch door and through the dining room, which the creaking in the floor (as my dining room floor is known to be obnoxiously creaky) is what alerted me to think of an intruder. I was in my room on the second floor and there is a wall blocking my vision of the dining room once I get down, so when I got down I peeked the corner and just went at it at the human-ish form. Ended up fracturing one of her ribs, would have been worse if my boyfriend was home and he was the one doing the hitting. Family thinks I'm responsible because "I should have recognized it was my sister" but sorry if I hear someone breaking into my house I'm not going to sit down and have a nice chat and tea before deciding to do something. My family was in on it, and they're still trying to get me to pay, but I'm not budging on the fact that I was just trying to defend myself. Hope I explained it pretty well, thanks to everyone who helped get this published :)

OP here. I never thought for a million years that this would get posted, but it did which is equally awesome and creepy at the same time. I just wanted to clarify a few things. Firstly, thank you for the puns. I love puns and these are the breast I've seen in a while. I'll show myself out. Secondly: I have no idea why it says Leeds. I have never been to Leeds in my life. I'm in Edinburgh, over 200 miles away in a whole other country. The guy in question turned out to be my neighbour -cringe - on his way back from the pub very drunk and most probably high. I haven't seen him since and most probably won't for a while if I can help it. The reason I was naked was because I'd come in from work the night before, showered and passed out in bed from exhaustion. I hadn't noticed I was naked was because it was FIVE THIRTY IN THE MORNING. I had obviously been in a deep sleep because that's what normal people do at 5.30am. Literally the only thing going through my head was that I wanted the idiot to shut the hell up and let me sleep. And no, it probably wasn't exactly 3 minutes but it was long enough for me to go to the toilet, back to my bedroom then try to remove my robe before I realised I wasn't wearing it. Also, he probably laughed so much because he was drunk, high and a crazy naked woman was hanging out her second floor window at 5.30 in the morning. Finally. yes, breasts. Because that's what they are.

Guys, I work at Cartoon Network as a storyboard artist where we joke a lot. Luckily, my boss was joking. Phew.