tlvw0706

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Tlvw0706's favorite FMLs

By offbeans - 17/02/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

agreeclassic 267 597

vote type 1 90 937

By 18emikot - 04/08/2015 03:26 - United States - Big Lake

Today, my local USPS delivery man refused to deliver any more packages to my house, because in the past, my dogs have barked at him and he feels threatened. He also filed a complaint about our house because apparently my driveway has branches that, to him, are considered "hazardous." FML

agreeclassic 23 894

vote type 1 4 077

18emikot app_comment_confession_title

18emikot 20

Tuesday 4 August 2015 16:02

We have a Chihauhau and a Springer. The Chihauhau rarely goes out and only has a few teeth left so I doubt she could hurt someone. Our Springer is a sweetheart, she's all bark but no bite. Whoever she goes out she wears a bark collar and the remote is always by someone's side. There are no protruding branches in our driveway. None. We trim them regularly.

Leave me alone

By Quortney - 22/07/2015 04:20 - United States

Today, I was working at the local grocery store and a customer of mine, who had only bought two granola bars and was holding up my line, tried to convert me to Christianity. Out of all the people to target, she chose the shy atheist who just wanted to do her minimum wage job in peace. FML

agreeclassic 27 652

vote type 1 3 076

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 01:22 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

agreeclassic 22 902

vote type 1 14 232

By Anonymous - 03/06/2015 05:01 - Canada - Lansdowne

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

agreeclassic 33 158

vote type 1 4 777