macros

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Macros's favorite FMLs

By Noname - 25/02/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box saying, "Love, mom." FML

agreeclassic 136 027

vote type 1 24 466

By hellalegit - 07/11/2014 06:26 - United States - San Jose

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

agreeclassic 42 581

vote type 1 4 420

hellalegit app_comment_confession_title

hellalegit 18

Saturday 8 November 2014 1:54

OP here :) So just a little background: I was in fact using spray cans of paint so I was doing it in the driveway because I didn't want to damage the grass in my backyard. The little kid comes over when I turn my back for two seconds and annihilates it. His mom just laughed when I told her ugh :( Fortunately, although the project was due today, I got an extension from my super cool teacher :)

The poop delivery lady

By Why Me - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

agreeclassic 34 482

vote type 1 2 861

By Anonymous - 28/02/2014 21:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

agreeclassic 54 877

vote type 1 16 550

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

agreeclassic 59 839

vote type 1 8 841