plomplonian

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Plomplonian's favorite FMLs

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 01:30

Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML

agreeclassic 3 876

vote type 1 363

By Derek - 05/08/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my kids are both my half-brothers, and the fertility tests my wife had us do a few years ago showed that I'm sterile. She didn't tell me until I found the test results in her desk and asked her about it. FML

agreeclassic 5 063

vote type 1 288

By cperagui - 19/07/2018 19:00

Today, we did icebreakers at a summer program. I'm really awkward but I got paired with a really nice guy. I noticed his right hand was very soft, so I joked, "Do you only moisturize one hand?" Then I understood. Then he understood that I understood. We're partners all week. FML

agreeclassic 4 522

vote type 1 885

Goddamn mayo

By Jay703 - 03/08/2016 02:21 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, while taking out a jar of mayonnaise, it slipped from my hand, landing on its lid, exploding, and covering both of my dogs from head to tail in it. Terrified, they fled, leaving a trail of globs of mayo. After cleaning both dogs and the house, they both threw up from eating too much mayonnaise. FML

agreeclassic 14 616

vote type 1 1 315

Bullies on the bus

By TheodoreFinches - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, on the bus ride home from work, two women behind me kept pulling my hair. I turned around and told them to, "cut it out." When I got home, I realized they'd took it literally. FML

agreeclassic 17 688

vote type 1 1 678