Today I was finally going to make a move on my crush. This was...

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By LadyDame - 02/07/2017 11:36

Today I was finally going to make a move on my crush. This was decided before his younger brother approached me, and he revealed the very serious feelings he had for me. Well, plans change. FML.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

agreeclassic 28 070

vote type 1 2 973

Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay for my English class. I tried to be calm since I had until midnight to finish, and it was only 8pm. I typed for three hours straight,and finished the assignment. I read over the instruction again, and realized it only had to be 500 words. FML

agreeclassic 22 544

vote type 1 57 333

Today, I spent ages prepping, chopping, bagging and freezing lots of fruits and veggies for my mom. I also bought her a juicer and alkaline water to help combat some of her health issues. I walked into the kitchen to see her mixing her juice with vodka and rum instead of the water. FML

agreeclassic 1 307

vote type 1 280

Today, a girl seemed to be tailgating me while I was driving home. I ended up letting her past as I didn’t like it, so I pulled into the next petrol station. She did too, so I thought I’d ask her why she was tailgating me. She asked what I was going to do about it, before kneeing me in the balls. FML

agreeclassic 1 246

vote type 1 253

Today, my 5-year-old cousin came over. We were on the trampoline in my backyard when he fell off and started crying and screaming. While I was trying to comfort him, my mom came out yelling at me for "pushing him off the trampoline" and grounded me for a month. FML

agreeclassic 5 442

vote type 1 390

Today, I told my dogs to go to their dog beds. The small dog went onto the big one’s bed. The big dog went onto my bed. FML

agreeclassic 618

vote type 1 264