Save me... - 10/03/2016 04:04 - United States - Penfield Today, after working for 3 hours on my biggest paper yet, instead if sharing it, I deleted it... FML 1 0
Today, at the store, I heard a kid complaining about getting braces. While I was saying "Thank you" and "Bye" to the cashier, his grandma must've seen my slightly crooked teeth. She pointed and said, "Without them, your teeth will look bad like that man's!" Everyone around looked at me. FML 64 709 4 584
Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML 50 304 9 824
Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML 48 764 31 605
Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother why his relationship with a just-turned 18 year-old would be inappropriate. According to him, they’ve been “dating” for two years now but “haven’t had sex or anything.” He’s 39. He got mad at me for calling him a pedophile and smashed my glass table. FML 1 597 266
Today, I had a mini heart attack as my dad stopped in the middle of the street and said, "I wonder what'd happen if I just dropped my pants right now and started jerking it in front of all these motherfuckers." FML 19 046 1 567