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The all-time greatest FMLs

By elizacandle - 27/03/2015 06:58 - United States

Today, I stopped by my local bar to maybe meet some new people. I sat in between two groups. Within a minute both groups got up and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 686

You deserved it 3 186

elizacandle tells us more.

elizacandle 29

Sunday 29 March 2015 12:21

OP Here ...well to a lot of you, Thanks for your sympathy! This was supposed to be an emphasis on how hard it is to talk to people in the real world! This actually happened and u sat at a spot that was empty, I didn't squeeze anywhere. it was likely coincidental but it did feel lonely when the half of the seating area became empty at once. gets lonely pretty quick.

Awks

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 04:56 - Australia

Today, while trying on a dress, my sister came up behind me and poked my back, asking, “What have you stuck down your dress?” I hadn’t put anything down the back of my dress; it was just my back fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 685

You deserved it 10 073

By sohungry - 02/01/2012 12:18 - India

Today, my mum read a forwarded email, and is now convinced that eating processed food will make my ovaries shrink and disappear. Now she goes batshit crazy if she sees me eating potato chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 684

You deserved it 2 713

By scaredofhedges - 07/01/2013 10:21 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 680

You deserved it 7 585

By brit - 13/10/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 680

You deserved it 2 982

By dollfacee - 09/07/2015 16:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he thinks I'm cheating on him, with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 677

You deserved it 2 354

By wow kid just leave me alone - 15/09/2012 00:03 - United States

Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 675

You deserved it 3 719

By theyreallydosmell - 04/02/2011 00:59

Today, I came home from a vacation. It had snowed, so I decided to shovel the front walk. While shoveling, I found a dead skunk frozen solid on the sidewalk. I tried to pick it up with my shovel, but it stuck. It won't move 'til the ice melts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 673

You deserved it 3 070

Misconstrued

By DeeGirlMon - 03/08/2012 05:24 - Canada - Calgary

Today, the coworker I've had a crush on for the past few months asked me if I was busy Friday night. I was so excited, I immediately replied, "I thought you'd never ask!" He gave me a funny look and said, "Good, because I need you to take my shift." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 672

You deserved it 6 065

Expert level

By badadvise - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Mexico - Guadalajara

Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 672

You deserved it 2 672

By Anonymous - 26/08/2011 04:55 - United States

Today, my dad taught me how to swim. I had to keep doing a lot of strange movements to keep my body floating. While doing that, two 8-year-old girls came and asked me if i needed help getting out of the water. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 671

You deserved it 8 651

Yummy

By Cupcakes - 15/04/2013 05:11 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 671

You deserved it 53 799

By anonymous - 30/09/2012 05:32 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got yelled at for providing horrible customer service, in a store I don't even work for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 670

You deserved it 2 018

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 16:29 - United States - Woodland

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 669

You deserved it 2 163

Help!

By katie - 27/01/2010 20:03 - France

Today, after spending a few minutes de-icing my car and leaving the heat on so it would warm up, I slipped as I was entering the car and hit my head on the door, causing it to close and lock. I'm waiting for my mom who has a spare key to come and unlock it. Class started ten minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 668

You deserved it 3 886

By HatedGrandson - 07/01/2013 00:50 - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 666

You deserved it 2 167

By LonelySanta - 24/12/2009 08:18 - Australia

Today, I went home, where I live alone, from my dorm room at my university. The only Christmas cards I had received were addressed to the person that lived there before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 666

You deserved it 2 453

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 18:04 - Canada

Today, I got my first university math midterm back. I did so bad that my teacher put a sadface on the first page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 665

You deserved it 11 358

By sad - 30/03/2012 22:21 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said, "Good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was, "Just wank it off and move on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 665

You deserved it 3 030

By wut - 05/08/2012 05:23 - United States

Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back at my place." Trying to be cute, I asked him if he was single. He replied with, "No, but I am a dentist. I could definitely fix that crossbite." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 664

You deserved it 3 522

By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my landlady decided to fix the leak in my room. Her solution was repainting the ceiling. Now not only is my room still wet but it now reeks of paint thinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 663

You deserved it 1 998

Who?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I woke up to an angry text from my roommate, asking me to please let her know next time I'm going to have a friend crashing on the couch. I have no idea who she's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 659

You deserved it 1 814

Disappointment

By nevergoingtopeeagain - 07/11/2013 00:16 - United States - Richmond

Today, I went to the bathroom on the way to class. After washing my hands, I couldn't figure out how to turn off the water. I finally resorted to asking a professor for help. She turned it off, looked me in the eyes and said, "Please don't tell me you're here on a scholarship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 657

You deserved it 36 058

By theflasher - 13/08/2015 21:10 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a woman who works in the clinic across the road told me that my glass isn't frosted enough and she and all her patients can see me when I shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 656

You deserved it 3 466

By Murlocmurk - 05/12/2012 17:04 - United States

Today, at school, I have to do a 45 minute presentation with a girl who has panic attacks so bad that she cries, runs out of the room, and sometimes passes out. This presentation terrifies her and it's a major part of my final grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 655

You deserved it 2 531

By Anonymous - 13/03/2010 19:01 - United States

Today, I visited my family for spring break because I've been away at college and I haven't seen them since Christmas. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, my mom had me clean the living room area, clean up cat vomit, and do the dishes. Thanks guys... I missed you too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 654

You deserved it 3 114

By josh - 23/01/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to my ex. This afternoon I notice that they had accepted, and had left a message for me in my inbox. Asking how they knew me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 653

You deserved it 4 178

Road rage

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Germany - Mannheim

Today, my car is still in the shop, so I asked my psycho brother to drive me to the mall. He sped up to nearly 20 km/h over the speed limit, so I shouted for him to stop before he got us both killed. He hit the brakes in the middle of an intersection, and wouldn't move again until I got out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 653

You deserved it 8 429

Leave me alone

By Quortney - 22/07/2015 04:20 - United States

Today, I was working at the local grocery store and a customer of mine, who had only bought two granola bars and was holding up my line, tried to convert me to Christianity. Out of all the people to target, she chose the shy atheist who just wanted to do her minimum wage job in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 653

You deserved it 3 076

Sticky boi

By emonsteadman - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Denton

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 651

You deserved it 3 440

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my biology teacher assigned us partners for a project. I got paired up with one of the smartest kids in the class. When he found out I was his partner, he cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 303

You deserved it 8 924

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 417

You deserved it 5 729

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 049

You deserved it 3 073

Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 444

You deserved it 6 119

Today, my dad found condoms in my room and kicked me out of the house. I know I’m 22 but I have nowhere to go. When I told him this, he threw a rolling suitcase at me and told me, “You have somewhere to go now - your boyfriend’s house!” I don’t even have a boyfriend, just casual random hookups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 304

Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 238

You deserved it 3 339