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Lol. I'm not overweight. I just have meaty thighs. Yet my calves are... veryyy skinny. I do have me some moobs though! Lol. And a bit of a belly. I was trying to be funny not complain about being fat, lol. But its not really that obvious. But you know. Always appreciate these nice comments. (Hint thats sarcasm. Besides the few that were nice.

By Anonymous - 21/09/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 484

You deserved it 3 790

The poop delivery lady

By Why Me - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 484

You deserved it 2 861

By dan - 25/01/2010 00:50 - Canada

Today, to my surprise my girlfriend said, "I've never felt this way before." We have been dating for six months, and I knew that I loved her, so I replied, "Me neither, I love you." There was a long awkward pause. Turns out, she was talking about her abnormally painful period cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 481

You deserved it 4 611

Cool story, tell it again

By GGimabeast - 29/07/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 480

You deserved it 12 431

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, I went to a football game. During a time out, my face appeared on the Jumbotron during the Kiss Cam segment. I was sitting next to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 480

You deserved it 2 909

Unbelievable

By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 09:40 - United Kingdom

Today, at my wedding reception, I jokingly asked my aunt, who has always been convinced that I am gay despite my protests, if she believed me now. She took this the wrong way and drunkenly went around telling my guests that my wedding was a sham to convince her I was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 480

You deserved it 5 314

By khaelian - 10/11/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She also had a bruise on her leg due to her friend biting her. I spent the night in the hospital to be there for her and support her, but I should have expected that the nurses would treat me like a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 480

You deserved it 2 798

By exfiancee - 05/08/2012 13:20 - United States - Summerville

Today, my fiancé told me that he was having second thoughts on our engagement. Instead of just calling it off, he took me to a fancy restaurant and took a public poll on whether we should get married. The majority said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 478

You deserved it 2 583

By Anonymous - 02/02/2012 20:56 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that he purposely makes me angry, because when I'm angry, I clean, and it saves him having to do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 477

You deserved it 6 383

By Anonymous - 02/01/2011 21:15 - United States

Today, my husband was kind enough to hold my hair back while I was going down on him, but didn't have the thought to comfort me this morning while I suffered the effects of morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 477

You deserved it 5 576

By nybaby - 29/11/2010 21:17 - United States

Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 477

You deserved it 3 939

Stuck

By Kayla - 18/12/2011 05:25 - United States

Today, I had to take two buses home from a friend's house. After waiting in the cold for the second bus for 40 minutes, it finally came and I realized that I'd left my wallet on the first bus. It took me 2 hours to walk home and I was locked out because my house key is attached to my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 475

You deserved it 7 766

By leilei - 30/11/2010 00:25 - Philippines

Today, I refused to ride with a friend on a motorcycle because it is unsafe and went to take the bus. As I got off the bus, I got hit by a speeding motorcycle and ended up in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 474

You deserved it 5 764

By Lunazel93 - 22/10/2012 04:07 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 474

You deserved it 1 922

By kprice6 - 03/02/2009 22:55 - United States

Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 472

You deserved it 33 155

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 472

You deserved it 2 933

By Junkiegamer - 27/04/2015 14:20 - United States - Huntsville

Today, due to awkward circumstances, I am living with my ex-girlfriend and her new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 471

You deserved it 3 956

Junkiegamer tells us more.

Junkiegamer 26

Tuesday 28 April 2015 15:06

Hey it Op, for one I am a male. The break-up wasn't fun, but it wasn't horrible. We lived together before hand because we go to college together and I offered to let her new girlfriend stay here, because she had nowhere else to go. I'm not sure what the word is but my ex loves people for who they are, gender doesn't really to her

By Orgasmataz - 25/01/2015 22:10 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I found out that, due to the walls at my uni dorm being ridiculously thin, my entire flat overheard me lose my virginity. Spanking and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 471

You deserved it 10 569