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The all-time greatest FMLs

By lolwtfbbq444 - 15/01/2012 10:24 - Australia

Today, I was walking to the bus stop when someone slapped an innocent person in the face with a fish. I was that innocent person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 125

You deserved it 3 782

By drew_ar85 - 20/03/2010 16:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 125

You deserved it 6 704

By Hi, I'm Heather - 01/10/2014 02:05 - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my Spanish teacher told me that the reason the girl I'm tutoring hasn't contacted me yet is because she emailed the teacher saying she didn't like my name, therefore she didn't want me to be her tutor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 125

You deserved it 2 898

By jj - 07/11/2014 05:47 - Australia - Windermere Park

Today, I was sick and had soccer trials on the same day. At the soccer trials, the coach called me over and told me I was doing really good and to keep it up. I said thanks and vomited on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 122

You deserved it 3 368

Roleplay

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 12:36 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 122

You deserved it 20 597

Happy Halloween!

By 4evalone - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Monterey

Today, I was dressed as a single girl. I wore pajama pants, hoodie with no bra, and carried a plate of pizza around. But it wasn't my costume, I just had nowhere to go for Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 121

You deserved it 5 451

By Sue - 26/03/2011 15:41 - United States

Today, I co-starred in a production of Hamlet. Halfway through play, the actor playing Hamlet forgot his lines, threw a raging temper tantrum, screaming about how much he hated the play and how he wanted to go home in front of hundreds of audience members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 120

You deserved it 3 538

By Username - 14/03/2011 06:53

Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home; she'd even taken the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 117

You deserved it 5 663

By dusk - 05/01/2012 08:09 - United States

Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 116

You deserved it 4 310

By poolfail - 06/08/2014 21:14

Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 116

You deserved it 6 556

Lonely boy

By unloved - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, it's my birthday, and the only person that called me was my boss. He wants me to cover his shift tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 114

You deserved it 3 144

By ididn'tevendoanythingwrong - 10/02/2015 18:05 - United States - Tampa

Today, my roommates told me they want me to move out of our apartment. We would have never gotten the apartment without my credit score, and most of the furniture is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 113

You deserved it 2 773

Some help

By fuckwank - 20/09/2013 20:31 - United States - Red Oak

Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 112

You deserved it 12 461

By donny31459 - 10/08/2011 14:44 - United States

Today, I got a ticket from a cop for not riding my bike in the bike lane. I wasn't riding in the bike lane because I was avoiding construction work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 112

You deserved it 3 973

By smellyfeet - 01/06/2010 16:19 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 112

You deserved it 5 695

By Anonymous - 04/04/2014 17:26 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 110

You deserved it 20 389

By HOe HOe HOe - 02/11/2011 02:36 - United States

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 110

You deserved it 16 282

By thenewgirl - 06/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 109

You deserved it 3 896

By Username - 13/12/2010 18:10 - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out, I noticed a bunch of things missing, and a note on my desk saying "shut the f*ck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 108

You deserved it 4 305

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 16:07 - United States - San Leandro

Today, after months of taking care of my grandma after a surgery, the doctors gave her a clean bill of health, and I finally got to sleep in my own bed. She passed away while I was at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 107

You deserved it 1 809

Help!

By Anonymous - 28/02/2011 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, after disappearing for an unusually long period of time, my boss called the store phone while sitting on the toilet. Turns out she'd started bleeding uncontrollably from the arse, and as the only other female staff member, she needed me to go help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 103

You deserved it 3 570

By Kallian - 16/01/2013 23:22 - United States

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 103

You deserved it 2 680

Kallian_fml tells us more.

Kallian_fml 21

Thursday 17 January 2013 8:54

I don't think it's getting any better... And I can't believe I forgot to sign into my account when I submitted this.

Lower your expectations

By mista_sandy - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, a guy asked me out and said he was going to take me to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you. I love Japanese food, so I was really excited. We went to Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 102

You deserved it 5 941

By 3yrneveragainn - 31/12/2010 00:45

Today, I figured out why the man I've been seeing for 3 years hasn't asked for my hand in marriage. His current wife called me and told me all about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 101

You deserved it 4 128

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 16:25 - United States

Today, I discovered that not only is my live-in mother-in-law a fan of Lady Gaga, she dances around the house naked to fully embrace the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 100

You deserved it 3 989

By Anonymous - 12/01/2015 02:41 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 100

You deserved it 3 321

You deserve each other

By best friend! - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my best friend informed me that she has been sleeping with my boyfriend. She tried to justify it by saying, "He's just going to break up with you anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 100

You deserved it 2 500

Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 099

You deserved it 5 549

By unfortunatelyunlucky - 12/12/2010 07:17 - United States

Today, while parked at school, someone broke into my car by smashing the window. I called the police and they informed me I could drive it to the local station as it was an easy 2 minute drive. As I was driving there, I got pulled over for driving with a smashed window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 099

You deserved it 2 608

By JulietMarie - 10/10/2014 19:12 - United States - Baldwinsville

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 094

You deserved it 3 538

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The Top

Today, after submitting a 500-word essay to a writing contest, I found out that I lost to someone who wrote 3 sentences. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 033

You deserved it 511

Today, my girlfriend's homophobic cousin claimed she saw me making out with my gay friend in public. I was home alone all day, but my girlfriend is crying and unconvinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 508

You deserved it 200

Today, I got my period, and had to rush to my parents' bathroom for some pads. They'd put all our wrapped presents in their bathroom. As I was looking, my dad thought I was opening presents and barged in, only to see me with my pants around my ankles. Now he won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 126

You deserved it 4 050

Today, I managed to convince the girl of my dreams to stop being so shy, and put herself out there to get her crush to make a move. It worked. And yet as it turns out, I'm not her crush after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 562

You deserved it 13 845

Today, I got a ticket. The officer's daughter is my ex. He gave me a ticket for 31 in a 30 mph zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 725

You deserved it 5 816

Today, I found out one of my exes is trans. I’m very happy for her, but I’m starting to think I have the wrong type, as I have had 3 ex-boyfriends come out as gay and 3 come out at trans right after breaking up. I really hope my current boyfriend doesn’t have a secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 193