The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Mucky

By Anonymous - 04/04/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that my body wash bottle's top came open last night without me realizing it. Space is limited in my bedroom so the only place I could put it (I live with my parents and they can be absentminded) was behind the TV. The good news is it didn't get on the TV; the bad news is it's all over the stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 369

Snoopy

By No way - 16/07/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I liked one of my crush’s Instagram post from 2012 while stalking his profile. Despite me realising my mistake and un-liking the post, he immediately followed me back, and sent me a DM saying, “Wow, that’s some deep digging.” I’m now referred to as his "creepy stalker archaeologist of Instagram." FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 557

Just take your food, lady

By Anonymous - 04/02/2026 20:00

Today, my DoorDash account, which is my primary source of income, has been suspended. I got another ridiculous complaint from some overly sensitive Karen because she saw my three dogs in the car while I was delivering. It’s not like my babies were touching the food or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 1 024

Ah, push it! Push it real good!

By Jeff99 - 12/01/2025 03:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I walked into a "pull" door after confidently telling someone, "It's this way, I know this place like the back of my hand." The sound of my forehead hitting the glass kinda proved otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 502

Not cool

By Anonymous - 06/10/2025 22:00

Today, I was trying to shop in peace when a single mom with a whole herd of loud brats went tearing through the aisles. I told her that if her kids had fathers they wouldn’t behave that way. The oldest screamed, “Our daddy died!” causing all the kids to break into hysterics. The mom cried too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 1 416

Don't let me be misunderstood

By Vanessaaaa - 27/06/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my husband is leaving me because he did a paternity test on our 4 year-old daughter and found out she’s not his. The night of my bachelorette party I drunkenly hooked up with two men so I don’t know who the father is. He doesn’t understand that I was drunk and that family isn’t about blood, it’s about love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 2 557

Lost it

By Anonymous - 05/07/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I went to an escape room on a date. I was convinced I’d be the puzzle-solving hero, so I sprinted ahead… straight into a low-hanging laser sensor that set off alarms and locked every door. We had to be rescued by staff, and my date still hasn’t talked to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 681

The future looks bleak

By Anonymous - 29/07/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I had an epic, two-hour conversation with a brilliant, beautiful future leader of our industry. She's an intern. I'm just some loser horndog of a senior manager in another department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 568

Deluxe Memory Man

By Despair - 02/04/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend’s family dinner when her father suddenly raised a glass and said, “Let’s all raise a toast to the new couple!” I looked at my girlfriend, confused, only to realize he meant her brother and his now fiancé, who had just announced their engagement an hour earlier. I quickly but awkwardly raised my glass to avoid admitting my memory is dogshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 401

Intense humming

By Anonymous - 02/08/2025 03:00 - United States - Houston

Today, while using a public bathroom, I was singing to myself because I thought I was alone and not in a rush. When I opened the door, three people were waiting in line. One of them rushed in behind me, another seemed really annoyed, and the third person said, "I love that song!", confirming that they heard everything FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 536

A new career beckons

By Anonymous - 18/11/2023 14:00 - Colombia - Corozal

Today, I thought it was a great idea to join a work meeting while I was taking a shower. But thanks to Murphy's law, everything that could go wrong went wrong. I'd forgotten to turn off my webcam. Now my boss and my other 500 coworkers are asking me about my "OnlyFans account." FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 1 220

Alpha top dog

By Anonymous - 22/12/2025 03:00

Today, I was meeting my daughter's boyfriend and I joked I’d have to show him who was boss around here (my wife, without a doubt) but as a 5”8 man I have no idea how to intimidate a 6”11, 20 year-old who looks like he was born in a gym. My wife won’t stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 449

Slick moves

By Frank - 30/12/2024 20:00 - Australia - Daylesford

Today, I tried doing a backflip off the diving board into our hotel's swimming pool. Instead, I flopped into the pool so hard it sounded like a cannonball, and now my stomach is bright red. My friends will probably bring this up for the rest of our holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 510

Spoilsport

By Don't you have better things to do? - 06/06/2025 05:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I caught my boyfriend making my cat dance to Cotton Eye Joe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 356

Monday morning grind

By Anonymous - 15/12/2025 15:00

Today, I joined a work call while rushing breakfast. I muted myself, or so I thought, until my boss asked who was “chomping.” I froze, mid-bite, while everyone waited. My coworker said it sounded “nutritious,” which somehow made it worse. I didn’t speak again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 373

Chilling

By QuentinX - 11/01/2026 15:00

Today, I tried to casually lean against a counter during a conversation at a party and missed. I recovered by pretending I meant to crouch and check my shoelaces. No one bought it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 327

Snitch

By Anonymous - 15/05/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, as revenge for not buying her a new iPhone, my twelve-year-old daughter told her father that my boyfriend, who just moved in with us, is on the sex offender list. My ex turned my boyfriend into the cops and his parole could be revoked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 1 778

Turned off

By Anonymous - 23/02/2026 20:00

Today, I recently got a boyfriend, a real nice guy, but unfortunately it means I discovered for the first time that during the ovulation phase of my cycle when I’m super horny I actually can’t stand him. I'm stood there craving sex, and the guy I could be having sex with turns my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 221

Plumbed out

By Jeff101 - 25/03/2025 20:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I tried to fix a leaking pipe under the sink. I watched a YouTube tutorial and was feeling confident that I could get the job done. Two hours later, half of the kitchen was practically flooded because I forgot to cut the water off, and scrambled to actually find the main valve, then I had to call an emergency plumber, who showed up, laughed, and fixed it in five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 583

What was I thinking?

By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 10:00 - United States - Okemos

Today, I realized that the only place my missing vibrator can be is at the house of the people I just dogsat for. In their spare room. Which also serves as their kids' playroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 811

Shady

By Anonymous - 03/09/2024 20:00 - Sweden

Today, after I ordered a pair of "one size fits all" leggings from a sketchy online store, they arrived. I eagerly tried them on only to discover they fit… but only one leg. Now, I’m stuck with what looks like a bizarre spandex leg warmer. The company doesn’t accept returns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 514

What were you thinking?

By Anonymous - 08/08/2023 10:00

Today, assuming he'd be okay with it, I brought my two kids with me on a first date, as I didn't want to pay for child care. My date made me pay for the kids' meals and my own, then blocked my number afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 3 307

Are you OK?

By Anonymous - 10/10/2025 22:00

Today, I was leaving a café. I pushed confidently on the glass door… which didn’t move. I pulled. Nothing. I pushed again, harder. Still nothing. A barista finally yelled, “Other side!” as I realized I’d been wrestling with a decorative wall mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 355

Excellent

By Anonymous - 21/03/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I walked into my apartment after work, only be to greeted by an awful smell. I searched every inch of the place, convinced something had died. After an hour of searching around, I found the source: a single forgotten boiled egg in one of my backpack's pockets. I will never forget the smell of sulphur or whatever it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 464

Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

By Anonymous - 08/01/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I mistook my neighbor’s karaoke party for a heated argument and called the cops. When they arrived, everyone was in the middle of a dramatic rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 624

Girl power!

By Anonymous - 22/03/2025 22:00 - Canada

Today, I was trying to break up with my boyfriend over text. I was being really careful to phrase it nicely, and I hit send with a sigh of relief. Except I sent the text to my mom, who now keeps sending me unsolicited advice about my "love life" with an occasional "You go, girl!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 589

Meat market

By Secret size queen? - 10/08/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I realized my relationship is broken. Two weeks ago, I got a dick pic from a random number. It was three times my fiancee's size. Ever since then, I haven't been able to feel any sort of physical attraction towards him. I love him, or at least I thought I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 820

Maturity level

By Clairebear - 07/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 834

Help! I need somebody!

By Not John, Paul, George or Ringo - 24/07/2025 03:00 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I tried cutting my own bangs to save money. When I was done, they were so crooked that my roommate thought I’d lost a bet. Now I have to go into work tomorrow looking like a rejected Beatles tribute act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 515

Merry Mystery Christmas!

By Santa - 24/12/2025 00:00

Today, I wrapped all my Christmas gifts at midnight. In my exhaustion, I forgot to label them. On Christmas morning, everyone will open presents while I try to remember who was supposed to get socks versus who was supposed to get a coffee maker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 371

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I learned that although I’m apparently not qualified to be a department supervisor, I’m entirely qualified to train the person who got the promotion over me, who has never worked in my department before. Boy, do I feel appreciated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 85

Today, a woman maced me from her car window because I was approaching her in a menacing, rapist kind of way. She never happened to consider that my car was in the parking spot right next to hers. She didn’t apologise, just said it was my fault for looking like a rapist, and drove away leaving me half blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 116

Today, there was a gigantic wasp in my room. It stupidly flew upwards and got hit by the rotating fan. It then immediately decided to take it's revenge by stinging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 472

You deserved it 1 024

Today, my 65-year-old grandmother called and asked me to tell my boyfriend that she was flattered, but she's happily married. I have no idea what she was talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 066

You deserved it 187

Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 465

You deserved it 2 118

Today, and every day I go out in public, I apparently have a sign on my back saying, “If you’re a creepy old man, please harass and stare at me.” The best part? No one my own age has ever spared me even a second look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 160