The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Under pressure

By Yudith - 23/10/2024 09:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my colleague came back from vacation so I no longer have to do her job on top of mine. My bosses saw this as the perfect occasion to barge into my office every five minutes to hand me tasks. When I asked for a ten-minute break to do a task that needed concentration, they barged in again after five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 94

Carly Rae Jepsen

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 23:00

Today, I was setting up a rat trap at the kitchen table and had just gotten it set when my phone rang. I foolishly leaned over to grab my phone, brushed against the trap, and it snapped closed on my nipple. I wasn’t wearing a bra so that thing grabbed my nipple hard and didn’t let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 262

By marie0908 - 17/12/2014 05:29 - France - Siros

Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 149

Scratch that itch

By Anonymous - 02/01/2021 04:58

Today, I bought a $50 Nintendo eShop card to redeem on my Nintendo Switch. As I was scratching the grey area, I scratched too hard, making it hard to see what it was. I tried randomly guessing and asking for help. Neither helped. Guess who didn't get $50 back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 853

Too close to him

By Jack - 18/04/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog in my suburban neighborhood when all of a sudden we practically jumped out of our skin (and fur) when we heard what I assumed were fireworks. Nope, someone down the street was testing their new AR-15 in their backyard. All perfectly legal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 159

Kid A

By Anonymous - 25/09/2025 09:00

Today, me and my husband are having our first big marital argument. Our baby still doesn’t have a name, all because I want to call her a normal name and he wants to call her some obscure name from an anime he really likes. I’ve never seen him this stubborn about anything this stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 158

Enemy mine

By ToxicFamily - 04/12/2024 20:00 - Germany

Today, my brother-in-law is a complete toxic asshole who makes me have panic attacks. He nitpicks my house non-stop and always puts me down. I'm a normal, good person, but all I want now is for him to suffer greatly in life for all the horrible things he has said to me and about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 142

The body keeps the score

By Shitty situation hur hur - 23/07/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, my wife called me at work, crying, because she shat her pants. I'd feel more sympathy if she ever ate fruit, or vegetables, or anything other than sugar and carbs, or took the prescription fiber supplements her doctor prescribed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 119

Pineapple juice

By Anonymous - 25/12/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend when she said, "Babe, I'm not trying to be rude but your cum tastes horrible." I didn't know how to respond so I said, "Okay." Apparently, me saying that means i won't try to make my cum taste better, which I can "definitely do", and now she's mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 302

Kinda heartless, but OK

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 16:01

Today, it’s been almost a month and a half of no intimacy between my boyfriend and me. To spice things up, I started going down on him. He burst out crying after a couple of minutes because he "misses his sister." The funeral was nearly 2 months ago already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 3 246

Passive agressive on a whole new level

By Joe Bloggs - 30/09/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was at my usual coffee shop when I overheard a couple at the next table arguing about how to break up. They decided to have a “Breakup Party” and invited everyone around them, including me, right there and then. I ended up eating free cake while watching their weird, messy breakup unfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 133

By goodbye - 09/03/2009 00:45 - Canada

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask this really cute girl out I've had a crush on for over eight months. Turns out she isn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 130

Odd reason, but OK

By firedsucks - 20/03/2021 17:01

Today I got fired from a very promising new job where I made three times my previous salary from my previous job. Why? Because of a personal belonging, my bumper sticker that says, "How’s my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT." FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 2 425

Overdoing it a bit

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 16:00

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 1 211

Red tape

By Anonymous - 24/12/2024 01:00 - Latvia - Riga

Today, I've been waiting for a response for a grant application that I need for my salary in January. I applied for it in June. Initially, they said that they would send out answers in November, then changed it to December. Three days before Xmas, I got a rejection. Now I'll be spending my holidays looking for more grants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 116

Deer in headlights

By Anonymous - 29/12/2024 12:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, at my new job waitressing, I walked into a glass door at full speed while carrying a tray of drinks. Not only did I spill everything, but I also left a weird make up face print on the glass for everyone to laugh at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 153

Thanksgiving? I hate it!

By Philomena - 28/11/2024 14:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, it's Thanksgiving and I've spent the last few days imploring my husband not to antagonize my Trump-loving family by talking about the fact that they didn't look into what tariffs were at the time, and now they might have to close their business. Wish me luck… FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 273

Faulty plumbing

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 119

By Benlaloose - 07/07/2010 03:31 - Indonesia

Today, fourth day of vacation in paradise, I’m in Bali, Indonesia. I’m suffering from a violent turista. Between two attacks, I found by miracle a diosmectite that I drank bottom up. It was tap water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 103

Consider the offer

By Anonymous - 03/01/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I, someone who has experienced only one romantic relationship in my 35 years (which ended 8 years ago), was hit on by a homeless drug felon client at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 130

Thanks, bro

By Anonymous - 20/10/2025 09:00

Today, at my wedding, my golden child brother gave a speech that was a load of lying shite. He was telling tales of arrests, drug use, sexual antics, the lot. My wife knows it’s not true but her family think I’m scum, and my mother just told me she’s “not angry, just disappointed in me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 60

Card sharp

By Anonymous - 25/05/2025 21:00

Today, I attended my first game night with my girlfriend’s family. They play for cash and deal cards like trained magicians. By the end I was up by £400 and they were all mad at me. I seriously think they were so busy cheating each other that I won by default. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 81

It's complicated

By Anonymous - 01/05/2024 10:00 - United States - Lenoir

Today, I found out that my ex-boyfriend, whom I'd been in love with since I was 19, wants to be back with his baby momma. His dad, after finding out that he has cancer, offered to marry me and adopt my kids to collect his SSI checks in case he dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 146

Get this off me!

By lovebuglovebirds - 08/07/2024 18:00 - United States - Johnson City

Today, as I was breastfeeding my daughter, I looked over and there was a big tick sucking my armpit away. I just started screaming, "Help! Help!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 138

You seem delighted

By Anonymous - 16/05/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom walked into my room without knocking to have a whole conversation about some distant relative's birthday in 3 months time. The whole time I had my bullet vibe still up inside me, so I had to talk to my mom while trying not to react to having an orgasm in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 150

By comfylap - 28/05/2010 23:30 - United States

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a cute girl I didn't know. She fell asleep on my lap by accident and I just let her for the whole train ride. This is the closest I've ever been with a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 52

Heartwarming

By Gilbert - 04/02/2025 00:00 - United States - Buena Vista

Today, I made a snowman with my little sister. We spent ages rolling snowballs and decorating it with a scarf and hat. When we'd finished, she hugged it so hard that it collapsed. She cried, so I promised to build another one. It’s been three hours, my fingers are numb, but her smile is worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 126

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 48

No comment

By Framed guy - 01/08/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I said to a coworker, “Epstein didn’t kill himself” in our office, as a joke response to something he'd said. Later, someone from HR pulled me aside and said, “We don’t comment on ongoing investigations.” I work at a dog food company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 133

Public transportation blues

By Frankie - 08/08/2025 15:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I leaned against a bus window and felt something wet soak into my shoulder. I turned and realized I had just pressed into someone’s half-eaten tuna sandwich wedged into the seat crack. I went on to smelling like fish and mayo all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 87

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The Top

Today, my sister is working on her graduation speech. She gives her thanks to one friend for helping support her through school, like, "The sister I never had". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 324

You deserved it 4 544

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend, who I thought was finally out of my life for good, is now dating my new manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 70

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 904

You deserved it 11 316

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 857

You deserved it 5 641

Today, my husband and I cleaned our house. We swept, mopped, vacuumed, dusted, and scrubbed. We moved the furniture and got in the cracks. We were extremely thorough. At 9 p.m., our cat had diarrhea and he got it all over himself. He didn't know what to do, so he ran through the house, spraying poop everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 322

You deserved it 147

Today, I snuck out of the house to go to a party. When I got back later, I tried climbing back up the rope-ladder I'd set up earlier, leading back through my bedroom window. I was halfway up when it broke free. I sprained both my ankles and had to shamefully ring the doorbell to get back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 110

You deserved it 55 222