The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

By KS - 17/02/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 342

You deserved it 8 956

By Anonymous - 30/09/2014 17:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 341

You deserved it 4 830

By Anonymous - 29/04/2014 02:39 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 341

You deserved it 3 848

By awkward. - 29/12/2012 15:50 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the cinema. Or rather, she went with her other boyfriend, and I happened to see them there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 339

You deserved it 3 190

So long, grandpa

By fcnk - 18/06/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 339

You deserved it 18 111

By Eodowoiono - 06/08/2013 16:20 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, as a joke, my friend put my bus money in the vending machine. Not only did the machine not return my money, it wouldn't give me an item in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 337

You deserved it 4 605

Confusion

By oh god. - 14/05/2014 23:16 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 328

You deserved it 7 120

There's always that one friend…

By seriously? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 326

You deserved it 10 693

Make it stop

By SnuggieOverload - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally found out that someone had stolen my debit card and maxed it out. The good news? Whoever it was forgot to change the address on the card, so everything they bought online has been shipped to me. The bad news? I've received 16 snuggies so far, and I'm still counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 324

You deserved it 3 794

By StillPissedOffAtIrony - 06/09/2014 17:25 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my mother yelled at me for not doing all of my homework. She got so mad, she tore up a drawing I'd spent over a week working on. That was my art homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 323

You deserved it 3 766

By PokeWife - 06/02/2013 13:38 - United States - Omaha

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon…" and ended the same conversation with "…and that's why we should divorce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 322

You deserved it 4 530

By Non-active - 25/09/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, we got our progress reports. My physics teacher wrote that I don't participate in class. My mom got mad and grounded me before I could tell her that I raise my hand in class all the time but my teacher won't call on me cause he can't pronounce my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 319

You deserved it 3 282

By not a brain cell in sight - 16/06/2013 20:20 - United States - Muskegon

Today, my best friend called me a moron for disputing her belief that Canada is in South America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 312

You deserved it 4 293

Prehistoric

By and she blames me -_- - 13/10/2013 21:50 - Canada - Calgary

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 312

You deserved it 4 368

By hahaohyeahwow - 24/09/2014 04:24 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning on having sex. He first excused himself to the bathroom, then returned with a sad face saying he had fumbled with himself in the bathroom to get "ready" and accidentally came. He said, "I was thinking of you though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 309

You deserved it 5 215

hahaohyeahwow tells us more.

hahaohyeahwow 4

Wednesday 24 September 2014 19:22

He said he had to poop (lmfao) and did it in there. Also, he cannot do it twice in a night. He literally just passes out. Ha.

By ToddlersWife - 15/06/2014 11:10 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I got into an argument over him not brushing his teeth. It ended with him snapping his toothbrush in half. He's 52. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 309

You deserved it 6 102

By That Girl with the Amazon Parrot - 04/01/2014 07:21 - United States

Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 308

You deserved it 4 256

Nosferatu

By Kristache - 02/07/2009 08:31 - Canada

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 308

You deserved it 16 404

Jump

By Petitprof - 12/11/2010 18:23 - France

Today, someone in my class wrote, "Erase me if you can!" at the very top of the board, as I'm always tormented about how short I am compared to everyone else. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach it. I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 308

You deserved it 5 347

By a little less poor at least - 21/04/2013 16:03 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was trying sell a customer a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Apparently he was aware that I work on commission, as he threatened to buy the system elsewhere unless I sang Rebecca Black's "Friday" in front of the whole store. Goodbye, self-respect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 308

You deserved it 5 707

Braggadocious

By krissy8799 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 306

You deserved it 10 118

By me - 21/08/2013 23:45 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 303

You deserved it 24 160

By and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 302

You deserved it 9 095

By lalibear - 03/05/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then walked inside the house, pooped on the carpet, and ran back outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 301

You deserved it 7 305

Powerful

By ouchmynose - 18/02/2009 02:43 - United States

Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face onto my knee and breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 300

You deserved it 7 099

By thegoldenboy3 - 12/02/2009 12:14 - Spain

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 299

You deserved it 14 361

By Jamie - 20/09/2013 00:47 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 296

You deserved it 13 941

By WTF - 12/09/2013 23:08 - United States - Plainfield

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later put on Facebook that, "Today was a great day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 286

You deserved it 4 494

By stutterboy - 11/06/2013 20:36 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I was giving a presentation to my college class. I've had a natural stutter my whole life, so I stuttered through the whole thing. My professor tried to hold in her laughter for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 283

You deserved it 2 762

By Anonymous - 26/10/2013 00:49 - United States - Adrian

Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 283

You deserved it 5 360

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The Top

Today, I went to see Star Wars with my brother. The entire time he talked about how scientifically inaccurate and improbable the entire movie was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 407

You deserved it 3 182

Today, I went to buy some frozen yogurt. I filled up a cup and the cashier rung it up. The total price was $6.92. I only had $5 in my wallet. So I gave her the $5 bill and went to my car to get more money. Little did I know, there was no money in my car. So I drove off. Leaving the $5 behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 967

You deserved it 13 042

Today, while walking into a hotel room, I passed by a full-sized mirror. My reflection scared me so badly that I punched the mirror, which then shattered and resulted in several cuts to my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 066

You deserved it 42 018

Today, I had surgery on my "girl parts" and can't have sex for six weeks. My boyfriend sees no need to spend any time with me until I heal up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 487

You deserved it 7 440

Today, I discovered my new phone's voice command doesn't really understand my accent while I'm driving. It kept thinking I was saying, "Call my mum" instead of, "Open Maps". It called my mum 14 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 187

Today, my mom took my phone away because of a huge mistake I made, which we need to go to court for. I own the actual phone but they pay for the line. I'm autistic with severe anxiety. I'm also 34 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 660