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The all-time greatest FMLs

Are you there?

By Anonymous - 01/06/2021 12:59 - United States - Steele

Today, I had an awful dream where my uncle died from a massive heart attack. When I woke up, my brain interpreted the dream as being a real thing that really happened. It wasn't until my uncle called and asked me why everyone thought he was dead that I finally came to my senses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 407

Disproportionate response

By pick up after your dog you lazy piece of shit! - 09/06/2023 00:00

Today, having such terrible social anxiety and being terrified of confrontation, I confided in my apartment's maintenance man about my neighbor not picking up her dog’s poop. He assured me he’d handle it. He reported her to the leasing office, and now she and her kids are getting evicted. I feel bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 293

He's still right, though

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 05:03

Today, my dad snapped at me for assuming that Eminem was the one to come up with the phrase, “Will the real ___ please stand up?” since that was the only time I’ve heard it. Apparently, I “always assume things are modern”. So I asked him where in fact the phrase came from and guess what? He didn’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 223

Burning down the house

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 18:01 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I got some ingredients ready for a stew in the slow cooker, planning to turn it on when I left for work. Well, my dumb, un-caffeinated ass turned it on, but put it on high instead of low. For 13 hours. It was completely charcoal by the time I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 326

One law for me…

By Anonymous - 21/12/2020 11:02 - Australia

Today, I got disciplined for sleeping on night shifts, by my boss, who also sleeps on night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 402

Kitchen daydream

By Rordon Gamsey - 02/08/2022 16:00

Today, I was "that idiot" who spent ages making a soup stock from meat and vegetables, but then while separating it forgot to put a pan under the strainer, so I poured the finished stock down the sink, leaving me with only the boiled meat and veg sat sadly in the strainer. Takeaway chinese for tea, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 434

Overreaction

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 15:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend but she refused. Why? Because instead of asking her, “Will you marry me?” I asked her to “be my wife.” She flew off the handle because “my wife” suggests she would be mine, like ownership, like domestic slavery. I don’t want to marry her anymore; she’s nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 213

Classic lineup

By LonelyInLove - 17/02/2023 08:00 - United States - Methuen

Today, a guy I had developed feelings for broke things off with me, giving me a version of the “it’s not you, it’s me” line. This was the first person I had liked/wanted to date in almost 8 years. I think I’m destined to be alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 162

They hated her because she spoke the truth

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 06:01

Today, I threw a pillow at my 8 year-old cousin while play-fighting. She gave me a look, then muttered, "You don't have any girlfriends and the girls that talk to you probably have no taste." FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 120

They'll be back

By Anonymous - 19/01/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, it's been about 4 months since my partner and I spent all our savings to open a board game shop. We found that most people were interested in D&D, and so we stupidly decided to put most of our eggs in one basket, and send about 75% of our other stock back. Guess what everyone decided to boycott last week? FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 363

When people show you who they are, believe them the first time

By Not gay - 29/08/2023 01:00 - United States

Today, as always, I wore a pin at work with the rainbow infinity symbol to indicate that I'm autistic. A creepy male customer came in and, thinking it was a gay pride pin, started hitting on me and making inappropriate comments. He just wouldn't stop, no matter how much I tried to explain. The police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 207

Snitched

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 21:00

Today, I caught a grubby, evil-smelling, foul-mouthed woman blatantly shoplifting by stuffing electronics into her coat pockets, so I detained her and called the police. Less than an hour later I was fired. She was the shop owner's mother and “had permission” to just take stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 114

These guys

By Anonymous - 01/01/2023 03:00

Today, my girlfriend of two years finally agreed to marry me. As I went on with the proposal, her Grandma tried rejecting me by saying, "These guys have gangster friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 147

Burn out

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 04:59

Today, I quit my job by insulting my manager - who is/was a friend, whose wedding I officiated - in full earshot of everyone. It turned into a pretty public argument on the street. I don’t really know why I did it, other than just feeling so burned out by his treatment of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 490

Go get an Xray, dude

By WaychulMonster - 17/07/2022 04:00

Today, I was on autopilot, walking out of the bathroom, and separated my pinky toe from the rest of my toes over the door frame. I dropped to the ground in pain, and my toe and half my foot still hurts hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 166

Wedding bells

By Anonymous - 05/08/2022 14:00

Today, and up until now, I was dating a sweet farmer's daughter, then I put a ring on it, and now I’m engaged to the bride of Chucky. She's pulled wedding magazines out of places I’ve never seen, and has called every female relative she has, twice. Send help, and beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 920

The '80s called

By Anonymous - 20/03/2021 13:59

Today, I received three phone calls and three long and rather monotonous messages on my answering machine. Literally monotonous. As in, repeating the same tone over and over. The caller was a fax machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 102

Mega hair

By allergiesbegone - 27/05/2023 21:00 - United States - Elizabeth City

Today, I realized my "year-round allergies" might have been the result of a nearly 2-inch nostril hair I trimmed out last week. Years of constant sneezing and leaky nose with no medicine helping it, suddenly gone. I can't believe I've suffered half my life thinking I had super allergies, over one stray nose hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 182

Tact

By FalkensLabyrinth - 03/02/2021 19:57 - United States - Gardner

Today, my mother offered to give my overweight girlfriend the workout DVDs that she no longer needs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 215

Rules and regulations

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 04:00

Today, I moved into a new home with a HOA, and on the first night I received a copy of the HOA rules as thick as a phone book. I already regret moving here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 452

Gobble gobble

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 00:01

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't take drugs from strangers. I'm 35 and he's 34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 142

Sensitive

By fragile - 06/07/2022 14:00

Today, the reality of how shattered my mental health is truly hit me when I spent ten minutes crying after a bot beat me at a card game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 261

Stuck

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 20:01

Today, my grandma and her neighbor compared their sports bras in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 124

Nice guy

By Guineapig98 - 03/10/2023 04:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 5 years when he was going to propose to me because I wasn’t getting any younger. He responded with, “Well, ask yourself are you getting any skinnier? I need a trophy wife, you know?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 365

Like a dog

By Jick - 26/02/2023 14:00

Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 300

By adieu Barbie - 03/05/2016 06:43 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I’m a babysitter for a 4 year-old little girl. All afternoon, I attended Barbie’s murder and subsequent funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 92

Fun for all the family

By Anonymous - 14/04/2021 02:00

Today, my mom and dad got into a fight, during which my dad said to my mom that her health conditions were of her own doing. Because of that, I got pissed and had a fight with my dad, taking my mom's side. Turns out, my mom took his side and ratted me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 291

Tasty snack

By Anonymous - 08/04/2023 05:30 - Australia - Adelaide CBD

Today, I used the “Find My…” app to locate a missing AirPods. Good news: I found them. Bad news: they are inside my dog’s belly. Next stop: Emergency vet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 180

What logic is that?

By Anonymous - 01/07/2022 16:00

Today, my parents lectured me on whether it was a good idea to let my girlfriend stay at the home of her ex boyfriend… and his husband. I’m 44 and trust her. My parents didn’t trust this logic and doubled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 319

Don't touch me, bitch

By Grace - 14/11/2020 23:02

Today, I found out that when you try to pick up my cat, its response is to let out the most stinky fart it can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 226

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The Top

Today, was very chilly. My little sister felt sorry for my two goldfish swimming in the cold water. She decided to put them in hot water. They died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 351

You deserved it 3 059

Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 822

You deserved it 2 757

Today, my mother told me to 'quit having a pity party'. I was just diagnosed with depression. I've lost my boyfriend, my job, my academic standing, and I just got rejected from every graduate school I applied for. And my mother thinks I'm a cry baby. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 600

You deserved it 8 259

Today, some kid was scratching the side of my car with a brick so I yelled at him, then I yelled at his parents. They didn’t speak English and when cops arrived they told me I should have been more understanding and I was lucky not to be charged with verbally assaulting them. WHAT THE FUCK? FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 116

Today, while crying at my grandma's funeral, I was told to "man up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 861

You deserved it 1 831

Today, I was going down the elevator in my dorm and a friend joined on another floor. He then thought it was a good time to tell me that he'd slept with my girlfriend when the elevator got stuck. Worst 40 minutes of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 728

You deserved it 1 618