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The all-time greatest FMLs

Don't look for what you don't want to know

By Anonymous - 23/06/2022 02:00

Today, I found out that my partner of 2 years has been lying to me and cheating on me from the beginning of our relationship. The worst part is I don’t know how to confront him because I found out by going through his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 1 168

Follow the lifescript

By SingleFatUglyL - 16/01/2023 18:00

Today, I posted on Facebook that I got the Princess Peach Happy Meal toy and I was super ecstatic. A friend of mine commented, “This shit is why you’re 32 and still single as fuck. Get a boyfriend and go start a family.” Her comment got 38 likes. I threw my laptop across the room and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 1 082

We've all done it

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 04:00

Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall and the toilet paper had ran out. I had to use the socks I'd just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 226

Stressed out

By annaT00many - 14/07/2021 14:00

Today, I'm almost 30 weeks pregnant. I have to go in weekly for stress tests. Last night, I had a very stressful dream about leaving my 4-year-old at home alone, which stressed me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 210

Uncanny valley

By Anonymous - 02/02/2023 06:00

Today, I got a new, short haircut. Now I look like my little brother who died two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 139

Happily married

By Anonymous - 06/08/2022 22:00 - Australia

Today, I read an FML about a garter toss. It made me remember my own garter toss. None of the guys at the wedding wanted to catch it, and visibly cringed at the idea of touching it. Ten years later, it's all been downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 215

The client from hell

By Anonymous - 04/06/2023 08:02 - Australia

Today, I got into work to find our trailer missing. I checked the system to see who had been in, and saw the name I was expecting. This person has racked up a debt of $3000, run off with another $5000 from the owner, and she STILL gives in whenever he asks for something. Someone was supposed to rent it today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 136

FML's Showdown #5

By Louis - 19/04/2017 21:30 - France - Saint-jean-de-braye

This week's contest is a mixture of how-to, magic tricks and singing (if you can call it that). Check it out.

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 220

Get me out of here

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 09:00 - United States - Berthoud

Today, I had to chase after my dad through a closing garage door to stop him from driving off fuming and doing something stupid. He recently got betrayed at work and called my mom's friend her boyfriend. I'm 27, living at home, don't want kids, no girlfriend, few, if any, good friends, likely unemployable because of resume gaps and bipolar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 343

Sounds wonderful

By Loner - 05/12/2021 14:00

Today, I spent the thirty second consecutive day in a row seeing no one but my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 254

You need to leave

By trash your own house!! - 09/09/2023 06:00

Today, my friend found out his girlfriend was cheating on him. He came to talk to me, and I was happy to help him through this tough time… until he drank a bottle of whiskey by himself. He flew into a drunken rage and started punching holes in the wall and throwing furniture. Now my house is wrecked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 113

Money, Ethan

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 08:01

Today, I felt like working out again since it’s been a while. When I was done and talking to my wife about how good I felt afterwards, my 3 year-old came and patted my stomach and said, "Baby in there, baby in there." Yes, I feel so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 175

Hush

By dinkley7 - 28/07/2021 18:01

Today, and like every day before it, my boyfriend’s snoring is keeping me up all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 185

By misc - 10/02/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 64

Take what you can get

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 00:30 - Netherlands

Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 170

Ongoing crisis

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 06:00

Today, I found out my dad got Covid after spending the weekend at home. All my classes have me doing final projects, and my dorm's internet is a dumpster fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 139

Fork in the road

By Anonymous - 27/10/2022 23:00 - United States - Blanchard

Today, one of my best friends, someone I considered family, and whose kid I see as my nephew, picked a piece of shit dude she’s been seeing for 3 months over me. And no, I didn’t make her choose. He decided to be an ass to me and when I wasn’t OK with it, she just let him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 193

Eggs

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 23:01

Today, while eating breakfast with my family, I asked my mother if there was any more scrambled eggs in the skillet because I really felt like having some more. She got mad at me because she thought I'd asked in a sarcastic manner. I wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 119

Controlling

By I'mmessedup - 26/04/2022 14:00

Today, I think the only reason my mom hosts my kid's birthday, and other parties at her huge house in the country, is so she can be a complete bitch to us on the day, and if we even sound annoyed, it's, "Well, this is my home, I don't have to open it to anyone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 284

Not very professional

By TraumatizedByTherapy - 01/11/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, my former therapist told me she couldn't give me the support I need and hung up on me. We haven't worked together in almost a year, but I really need the billing statements to file insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 106

Gas shortages

By Jay - 03/03/2022 06:00

Today, while leaving a job interview, I ran out of gas on the highway and had to literally shake my vehicle to get off to the side of the road. My car is still sitting in that same spot. I had to walk two hours home and I now have chafing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 384

Overdraft blues

By Anonymous - 16/04/2022 18:00

Today, I got a text from my bank saying that my chequing account is below the threshold amount, and that they will have to charge me if I don’t deposit money soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 215

Hey y'all!

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 00:56 - United States - Schertz

Today, a friend was over at my house. My dad walks over and talks to me; I respond. He then goes back in his room. My friend then says, "Don’t get self-conscious, but when you talk to your dad, your southern accent gets REALLY strong." Guess who's now self-conscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 174

Bizarre Love Triangle

By SalemSyfer - 25/01/2021 10:57 - Canada - Belleville

Today, I found out that one of my best friends likes the girl that I like. What's funny is that my best friend is also a girl, and has a better chance with her than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 159

Spirits, awake!

By liza - 29/03/2021 16:59

Today, since my alarm didn’t go off at 7 a.m., I awoke to my mother attempting to perform Necromancy on me “as a joke.” She wore a black robe and everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 218

Fall from grace

By Klutz - 18/08/2022 04:00

Today, I realized that over the past few months, I seem to be getting more and more prone to bumping into things, and tripping over nothing. I'm also apparently more prone to getting injured when this happens. I've always been uncoordinated, but this is getting out of hand. I'm falling apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 119

I didn't choose the thug life…

By Anonymous - 20/01/2023 10:00

Today, it's my 37th birthday. I was an honor student in high school, went to a top university, accruing a bunch of debt, and got trapped working jobs I hate. All because my teachers told me I was too smart for state school. The drug addicts I went to high school with live a more stable life than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 289

Walk it off

By Anonymous - 06/04/2023 12:00 - Ireland

Today, after running a marathon, I was knackered but feeling great. I was walking to my car when I stepped on a shard of glass and had to go to the emergency room to get it removed. I ended up missing the marathon after-party and had to spend the rest of the day in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 141

Free glasses for all

By Kat - 12/02/2022 12:01 - New Zealand - Gisborne

Today, as I was hanging washing out in the sun, a huge cicada flew into my face and somehow got behind my glasses. I screamed and ripped them off and ran away. I came back to a broken pair of VERY expensive glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 416

Grossed out

By Anonymous - 23/03/2022 12:00 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I would understand if my mom left the stove a bit greasy after cooking, because it’s too hot to wipe down right away. What she actually does is she leaves the stove HAIRY. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 87

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The Top

Today, while shopping with my mother, she handed me a frozen turkey to put in the cart, but ended up swinging it into my nuts instead. I feel like a giant battered eggplant, and I think I'm now impotent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 451

You deserved it 3 434

Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and best friend. They are now having blood-curdling sex in our tent. My friend is also my ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 336

You deserved it 7 468

Today, I went into a cafe only to be greeted by a young boy who pulled down my leggings in line. Everyone got a look at my pink Hello Kitty panties with white frilly trimming before scrambling to pick them up. In the process, I banged my head on the counter, and fell on the floor, unconscious, pants still down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 95

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 653

You deserved it 665

Today, I realized that not only did my parents not get me anything for Christmas, they also stole the $500 my grandparents gave me to buy a computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 130

You deserved it 2 861

Today, I received a random phone call from an unknown number. Three times. After the third time, the person started yelling at me viciously. Then I suddenly heard a different voice, saying, "Terribly sorry, sir. My poor sister has dementia and thinks you're her husband. Her dead husband, I might add." FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 77