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The all-time greatest FMLs

No way

By Adam curran - 24/04/2022 06:00

Today, my roommate expected me to help them buy them car, or loan them some money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 118

Alexa, play "Absolute Beginners" by David Bowie

By Anonymous - 29/07/2023 15:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try “things” while under the influence. I suggested he go down on me; he thought about it for a second and then said, “I would, but I don’t want to get scared when I take a look.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 285

Worst roommate ever

By Anonymous - 29/01/2023 08:00 - Ireland

Today I knocked on one of my roommate's door and asked her to stop vacuuming since it's was late. She started to record me and went on a tirade about how none of the girls there respect her. She has previously tried to push two girls down the stairs. Her lease isn't up for 4 more months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 112

Neverending shift

By ThisIsYourDoc - 15/05/2023 12:00 - Switzerland - Malans

Today, I started a new job as a resident at a rural hospital. So far, nobody has been able to tell me when the shifts were officially supposed to end. They told me they just "leave when we're done with all the patients." I work on a 24/7 emergency station, and I guess I now also live here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 146

Am I the asshole?

By Springmaid - 02/10/2023 12:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, a heavy set lady came to my boutique asking for our "largest" 28in size jeans. I decided to humor her by giving a 52 mislabeled as a 28. It fit perfectly! She happily bought it and left. Later, her mother, who is a Super Karen and twice her size, came to complain about me to the owner for bodyshaming her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 280

Simps gonna simp

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 07:58

Today, I just found out that I was missing almost $500 from my debit card. Turns out my brother used my card to simp on a streamer. When I confronted him, he said, "But you would have simped on her either way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 153

Friends like these

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I found out that my closest friend of many years had been putting on a charade of being my friend, and has decided that they can't be bothered with the effort of me existing any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 107

Graceful

By battered and bruised - 14/02/2022 06:00

Today, I bought some roller skates to go with the set my daughter got for her birthday. I haven’t skated since I was a kid, but I figured it was like riding a bike and I couldn’t have forgotten altogether. My broken coccyx disagrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 268

Jimin causing drama time!

By Callie - 06/12/2020 20:02 - United States

Today, my daughter got mad at me for saying I didn't really get the appeal of Kpop. She went off at me, saying that I should "stan BTS" or something to that effect. She's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 171

Can we be friends?

By lonely - 22/03/2021 05:01

Today, my fiancé told me that I need to get out of house and be with my friends. I have no friends here, and my own family doesn’t ever want to go do anything either. I guess I’m not a likable person if even my fiancé is trying to get me out of his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 212

All over the place

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 20:00 - Australia

Today, I run a business with my partner, and work at a separate business as an employee. My partner got Covid, so our business is closed for now. I got it from him, but still need to work at the other place because the only other employee flew to Turkey on holiday, and the owner has no idea how to run her own business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 145

Unreasonable

By Whipped af - 05/10/2023 01:30

Today, my wife forced me to delete a female friend’s number off my phone because she’s jealous of our friendship. She then showed me a demonstration of what will happen if I contact her again, with a photo she got from her Facebook, gasoline, and a match to “make sure we understand each other.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 230

What's love got to do with it?

By Anonymous - 20/11/2021 05:02

Today, my wife and I were going through a very amicable 50/50 divorce, until she found out I’m already dating. She’s only two years younger than my wife, but it upset her enough she’s now stalling the divorce until she gets 75/25 in her favour, including the holiday cottage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 1 909

Out of the frying pan…

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 00:01

Today, after months of dealing with homophobic abuse for my coworkers and supervisors at my previous job, I was excited to start my new job where most of my co-workers were LGBTQ. I find out a majority of them don't like me because my fiancé is a deputy sheriff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 307

I love rock n roll

By Anonymous - 27/11/2022 14:00

Today, while I was singing a song with my guitar at a college open mic, my eyes started to burn, causing me to tear up and stop playing. Everyone in the audience thought I'd actually started to cry mid-performance. I ended up having to leave the stage teary-eyed and embarrassed myself in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 163

Unlawful

By Transgirl is Tired - 28/03/2023 02:00

Today, it's been three weeks since I’ve seen my kids. My ex just decided that I was a safety concern after we had 50/50 for almost two years. Now I just gotta wait until I can see a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 212

Hesitancy

By DrFart - 02/10/2022 01:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today i had a patient come into the practice six times to ask about vaccines they've had. Apparently, their "doctor" friend (with a PHD in arts) is a more reliable source of information than trained medical staff telling them, "Yes, that is in that group of vaccines" with a vaccine leaflet, and a head nurse explaining it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 120

Did I teach you NOTHING?

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 00:00

Today, I ordered pizza for dinner and left cash by the door so my son could pay for it, in case it arrived before I got home. I told him they should get all the money, but I just found the tip. Apparently he thought I'd miscounted. I'm a server. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 193

Streaky

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 02:00

Today, my 3 year-old saw the stretch marks on my stomach and proudly exclaimed, "Bacon!" After talking with my husband, he admitted that he agreed with our son's evaluation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 173

Valentine's truth

By Anonymous - 14/02/2025 22:00 - Germany

Today, I got my husband his favorite candy and wine for Valentine's Day. He got mad and accused me of doing it to "bribe" him into bed, since he hasn't been wanting sex lately. When I asked how he could say something so cruel, he admitted that he's been cheating on me, and my gift made him feel guilty about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 108

0 to 100mph real quick

By Anonymous - 16/07/2022 14:00

Today, I noticed I was starting to get a double chin. I’ve only just gotten to a healthy weight after a serious battle with anorexia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 128

Institutional

By Anonymous - 30/05/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, although we are Asians, my father told me not to date other Asians, particularly anyone Chinese or Vietnamese, because I will have nothing but trouble. He's also not fond of me dating Black or Latino people. No surprise, he wants me to bond with my old, stupid, white supremacist high school classmate again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 178

NDA FML

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 16:00 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, a coworker told me something I didn't realize was confidential, until later when my boss called me, saying someone may have shared something confidential with me, and me, not thinking so, said I don't think anyone did. We hung up, they called back and elaborated, and it dawned on me now they think I'm a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 185

Sick of this shit

By Amy - 20/07/2023 13:00 - United States - Avondale

Today, after 3 days of being admitted to the hospital, I don't have appendicitis. I have a bacterial infection in my intestinal tract, with gut-wrenching pain and brutal diarrhea for over a week. They can't give me anymore Imodium, I just have to let it run its course. This is the second time I've had this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 120

Mystery woman

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 07:58

Today, my husband of 4 years is tagged in a #ValentinesDayChallenge post on Facebook. No, I didn’t tag him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 121

By ccrex - 05/08/2019 20:00

Today, I put my phone on top the car while putting my daughter in her car seat. Told myself not to forget it. Then I drove away, and it flew off the top of the car on the freeway. It got ran over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 1 549

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - 21/06/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I’ve been at my new house for a week. My new neighbour’s dog barks non-stop all day, and their newborn baby cries non-stop all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 130

Missed the signs?

By Anonymous - 02/07/2022 04:00

Today, my husband and I visited a new bar in our city. It turned out to be a swingers sex club. He asked if we could stay and try it out, even though we were easily the oldest people there by about 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 180

Seems unlikely

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 22:01 - United States - Brookville

Today, I teasingly asked my crush why he never came to visit me in my dorm. He said that all his friends there had moved out and gotten apartments, so he had no reason to go to my dorm. Oh. I thought we were friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 181

Mr. Robot

By confused - 30/04/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said we needed to talk. He called me cruel, cold and heartless and that it’s making him reconsider what kind of future we may have together. All because I hate sappy movies and don’t cry on the scenes where the dogs die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 286

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The Top

Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 074

You deserved it 17 868

Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 227

Today, I woke up to a fog. Literally. A pipe burst in my apartment and scalding water was everywhere. To make matters worse, when I called maintenance he told me he'd come by later, hung up on me, and turned his phone off. He did eventually show up, but it was 5 hours later, well after I'd paid a plumber $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 510

You deserved it 535

Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 545

You deserved it 6 064

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 549

You deserved it 2 743

Today, my partner and I went to the inspection of a house we wanted to buy. The whole roof was illegal. This is the second time our realtor has shown us a house with major issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 136