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The all-time greatest FMLs

Worst party ever

By Dumbass - 10/01/2019 12:00

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 4 080

You helped her see the light

By losercancer - 23/04/2021 23:30 - Georgia

Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 226

Pissed

By pl. - 03/06/2021 21:59

Today, while on a road trip, I stopped at a gas station and told my kids to go to the restroom. My youngest daughter said, "I had to go earlier, but not anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 168

English very good

By Anonymous - 16/04/2022 16:00

Today, I slept in my parents’ room because there was a mouse in mine. My father speaks English as a second language, and is telling everyone that we’re sleeping with each other. Thankfully I’m old enough for it to just sound gross, not illegal. The last thing we need is a CPS visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 141

Stranded

By mmmmmm no - 24/06/2021 02:00

Today. I worked my 10-hour shift and drove over 3 hours to the hotel that I'd reserved a room at for 3 nights. The hotel required ID to get a room with a bank or credit card. I realized I'd lost my state ID, they wouldn't accept my work photo ID, they won't let me pay cash… No ID, no room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 173

Classic non-ironical Ironic

By Karen - 21/11/2022 18:00

Today, I had a shift at my job at a grocery store that was full of rude and impatient customers. Someone dropped a bottle of wine and it shattered next to me. I found a half-eaten packet of sushi behind some magazines. The scale on another register broke. "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette played on the store radio at the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 124

Tough choice

By SickAndTired - 18/09/2021 05:00

Today, I have an acute URI and acute bronchitis. The cough syrup works amazingly well to stop the coughing, but if I take the cough syrup it gives me insomnia. So I get to choose: do I want to spend all night coughing, or spend all night tossing and turning? FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 85

.- ... ... .... --- .-.. . ...

By Anonymous - 24/06/2022 06:00

Today, I learned Morse code. My whole family said it was useless, and that I'm wasting my life away. I just wanted to learn a new skill in my free time… FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 123

So, how did it go?

By Help me - 05/01/2023 21:00

Today, it's one week until I have to attend a public speaking event that is mandatory to graduate where I live. I have severe social anxiety and even worse stage fright. Not attending the event, even with a tremendously sound excuse, will bar you from graduation. Hopefully I don't suffer a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 1 184

Mind your own business

By janie - 10/01/2021 17:01

Today, I'm so skinny that I was told to, “Eat a burger.” While I was eating a burger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 166

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 12/10/2022 02:00

Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truck stop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 136

Reality is weirder than fiction

By Broken Arm - 06/12/2020 14:01

Today, I found out that while it is unlikely you'll break your arm by catching it in the door, it is perfectly possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 88

Memory low

By emma - 24/12/2020 05:02

Today, while my mom was explaining the house rules surrounding the towels, I took out a notepad and began taking notes. She snatched it away and threw it across the room. I need the notes or else I’ll forget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 185

East side story

By Anonymous - 23/06/2023 03:32 - India - Prayagraj

Today, I found out that the girl I love loves me back. The two of us are madly in love with each other but we can't do anything about it because our religions and our castes are different. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 340

Praise the Lord!

By EpicOracle - 13/02/2021 13:57

Today, I woke up to my friends-with-benefits asking me why I didn't pray after waking up. We had an all nighter and I don't even know if that's something to be worried about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 207

Pavarotti next door

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 18:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I had to hear my neighbor whine again through the walls because he can't talk in a quiet voice. You can hear him from across the street, and that's before he gets drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 83

The internet hates you

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 11:01

Today, I had to cancel my vacation in Norway, which I had been planning for 2 months and had cried and stressed over all that time because this was the first vacation I'd ever planned myself. Now YouTube won't stop showing me ads about visiting Norway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 207

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 1 823

Targeted vagueposting

By Craig - 04/10/2023 16:00

Today, a girl I rejected is making passive-aggressive posts, and posting stories with anti-dating quotes, and “Fuck love” and “All men are dogs”, making me look like an asshole. Am I an asshole just for having free will about who I date? FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 103

Crushed

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 03:00 - United Kingdom - Saint Ives

Today, I appreciated how much my older sister is engaged and fully appreciative of how wonderful my girlfriend is… until my girlfriend told me that she has a huge crush on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 134

Tense

By Anon - 06/04/2021 07:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my doctor told me if my blood pressure gets any higher, he could use me to reinflate the air in his tyres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 158

Consider yourself warned

By Anonymous - 26/02/2022 16:00

Today, I was warned by a friend that unless I make more effort with my boyfriend, he'll be snapped up by someone else, and proved it by showing me text screenshots of at least three women I know who are all hoping to pounce on him when I eventually fuck it up so badly he dumps me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 300

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

By leah - 07/01/2021 14:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was beaten up by a complete stranger for “giving her a dirty look.” I can’t see my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 111

Thanksgiving sucks

By Anonymous - 26/11/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I spent Thanksgiving alone. I'm not close to my family, I'm the black sheep but my sister said she would come over. To my surprise, she ended up going to my family's', where I'm not wanted. My boyfriend went to his family's, so I spent the whole day alone. He'd even took my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 210

Run!

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 11:00 - Australia - Vermont

Today, I have come to the conclusion that my fiancé is the most selfish person I know. I can't talk to him about it, because the conversation will just turn on how I'm the worst person he knows. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 379

Shut up! Shut up!

By Steve - 30/04/2021 01:59

Today, I found out the guy taking the cubicle next to mine is the annoying dudebro who punctuates, like, every sentence he says with, like, the word "like" every, like, three words. Like… FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 156

Alexa, play "Hot Hot Hot" by The Cure

By Talented73 - 07/07/2021 16:01 - United States - Yonkers

Today, we're in the middle of a heatwave. When I woke up this morning, I noticed that my scrotum was stuck to the side of my leg from all the perspiration. I had to actually peel it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 160

We have so much in common

By Frank - 19/09/2022 09:00

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years confessed to me that she had sex with my best friend before she started to date me. Funny thing is, I'm bi and had sex with the same best friend at around the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 693

When karma does its job

By Anonymous - 17/02/2020 18:00

Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 5 066

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 27/05/2022 22:00

Today, at my little cousin’s birthday party, some spoilt child played a prank and placed chocolate cake on my seat just as I was about to sit. Let’s just say of all the days, today was a bad day to wear cream trousers and park the car quite a way away from the venue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 140

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The Top

Today, my friend started choking while at a Hard Rock Cafe. I jumped up and tried to give her the Heimlich maneuver, only for her to throw up all over the table and stagger out of the place. I stood there as the waiter asked if I wanted to split the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 797

You deserved it 3 298

Today, I went to a gay club with my supportive straight best friend to find me a date. Somehow, she managed to go home with a guy and I'm still decidedly single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 089

You deserved it 6 514

Today, I found out that if you see a tray with some black stuff in it and you can't decide whether it's powdered black pepper or cigarette ashes, it's not a good idea to taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 207

You deserved it 50 200

Today, my one year-old took his diaper off and peed on my chest while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 197

Today, I was about to climb on top of my husband for some fun time, when I stuck my hand in a giant pile of cat poop on my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 288

Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 374

You deserved it 54 329