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The all-time greatest FMLs

How could you?

By Anonymous - 16/08/2022 16:00

Today, my girlfriend punched me in the back of the neck because I was talking to a woman online. It was a public Call Of Duty match, I have no control over who I play with, plus I wasn’t even talking specifically to whoever this woman was, just to the people in general like all COD players. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 179

What did I do to you?

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 18:00

Today, I was kicked out of my ex-girlfriend's apartment, with whom I’ve been staying with, because I’m a 'bad influence to her two sons' since I’m an 'alcoholic who passed out and pissed the couch.” I’ve been sober since the beginning of January, and have been in AA since. I'm also prone to seizures. She does Meth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 280

Diversion tactics

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 08:00

Today, upon getting the paperwork for my Court Diversion, I found out I had to write an apology letter to my brother. The brother who sent me to jail for trying to get him to stop abusing his girlfriend, and holding him instead of fighting when he charged at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 77

The kindness of strangers

By Anonymous - 25/12/2021 10:59

Today, the stranger I sat next to on a plane was a better father to my son in three hours than my worthless boyfriend has been in five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 481

Good one, guys, thanks

By Anonymous - 19/04/2022 00:01

Today, I was fixing something for a guy at a steel manufacturing company. His employees told me that their boss can't hear properly, so I'd have to be loud when talking to him. When I'd finished, he asked me if I normally talked like that, or if there was something wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 183

The usual suspects

By Anonymous - 30/03/2022 11:00 - United States - Bassett

Today, I woke up to my mom calling me. I'm 90 miles away, staying at my cousin's. Someone shit on the windshield of her car, and she is blaming my friends, and is pissed at me who is out of town, and my friends who I believe were driving to a out of state concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 121

Smells better when turned on

By p0isonOreo68 - 24/09/2020 20:02

Today, my cat peed on my stove. There’s multiple clean litter-boxes that he could have used instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 222

Like it or lump it

By jupiter - 13/11/2021 14:00

Today, I live in the basement and as far as I can tell, my parents spend every day rearranging the furniture upstairs and slamming every door in the house, all day long. If I complain or even mention the noise, they threaten to kick me out onto the streets. I’m not even old enough to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 149

Leeches

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 01:04 - Iraq - Basrah

Today, I found out that if my husband and I move to another country to live, then his mom and sister will live with us too. I'm already living with them because of societal traditions. I like them and everything, but I really need some privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 359

Red flags

By Anonymous - 07/04/2022 00:01

Today, I decided i wouldn't take the bus back home from uni, instead I walked to the metro. On my way there, I saw a couple of odd-looking guys, but I thought, "Nah, just because they wear big hoodies and caps doesn't mean they're doing anything", so I ignored them. Two minutes later they mugged me in broad daylight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 234

Prank culture

By Anonymous - 14/01/2023 00:00

Today, my dad threw my boyfriend into the street naked. We weren’t even having sex, I was fully dressed in the kitchen, and my boyfriend was showering after his rugby game. My dad is also his teammate, and it was all a stupid prank by the team. I hate jocks sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 202

Don't catch you slippin' now

By Anonymous - 28/12/2021 17:01

Today, I somehow miscounted the steps on the staircase I've used multiple times a day for 20 years, then fell all the way to the bottom. Doctors say I fractured my coccyx, which is basically the ass bone at the bottom of my spine. I can neither sit or lie on my back for at least 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 157

Exploitation

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 18:00

Today, despite having made it clear that I'm neither interested, nor I am able to take over the jobs of the 3 members of staff who have recently left, my boss made a "Progress Plan" for me and will check on it weekly. I'm getting paid 1.5 times less than average in my role and he's not giving me a raise because the company is stingy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 181

Weird compliment, but OK

By prettyconstipated - 09/03/2021 14:02

Today, while buying laxatives at a store, the cashier loudly declared that I'm "too pretty" to be constipated. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 126

Unforeseen consequences

By DontSteal - 09/05/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, my credit card information was stolen and the account locked. I'll get a new card in 10-14 days, after a planned medical trip for an increase in seizures. Without a credit card, I can no longer check into the hotel, nor access cash before my flight. The next opening is in 3 months. If I die I'm haunting you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 123

The road to Hell…

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 23:00 - Venezuela

Today, I went out of my way to get my significant other some medicine for his mom. Said medicine is very expensive, and since I didn't have the cash, I agreed to work every major holiday in December in exchange for the medicine. My SO didn't even bother to say thanks, and ghosted me after I gave the meds to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 166

Roommates from hell, part 47757

By Sofvcked - 29/06/2022 10:00

Today, I found out when my new roommate said she was self-employed, she really meant unemployed. She insists that I let her stay for free or she will file a sexual assault case against me. Rent is due on the 10th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 160

Smell test

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 10:59

Today, I went on a date with a guy from Bumble. It was going well, with dinner and a walk on the waterfront, until he started complaining about skincare products, "People with eczema use that nasty cream, it's so sticky and smells horrible." I have severe eczema. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 93

I want to break free

By annoyed - 29/11/2021 20:01 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I found out that after caring for all of my family and I’m about to get on with my own life, someone has dementia and I'm right back in the same spot I’ve been forever, stuck again with caring for someone else. This has been going on for 20 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 204

Logging on the company dime

By Anonymous - 08/10/2022 12:00

Today, at work, I did my morning constitutional and the automatic toilet died and wouldn't flush. I had to tell my boss, since there's only two toilets in the ladies' bathroom. So it's pretty obvious who dropped the duce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 177

No excuses

By ICouldntThinkOfaUsername - 17/01/2023 02:00

Today, my husband had heart attack symptoms on the way to his family event. We stopped, called an ambulance, and he was taken off to hospital. I called his family to update them. They still expected us to turn up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 107

Doofus

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 13:58 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, I discovered that the father of my son cheated on me, but with fake sex bots that pretend to be real people. I don’t know whether I’m more disappointed in him cheating, or the fact that he couldn’t even get it right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 216

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 167

Gastropod scandal

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 04:00

Spicy

Today, one of my aquatic snails banged my other aquatic snail til they both died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 170

Workers of the world unite

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 19:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the day before I was supposed to go back to work after I got sick, ended up in the hospital, and primary doctor put me on medical leave, I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 95

First day

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 07:59

Today, it was my first day working at my new job in a hospital with one day of training for a few hours a week ago. I wasn’t shown around and I was told I wouldn’t be alone today. I was. I got called useless because I’m the new girl who didn’t know where to tell people to go, or how to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 113

Let me speak!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2022 11:00 - United States - Verona

Today, I couldn't say a single sentence without being interrupted or having the conversation hijacked into a monologue of past grievances by family members against people they have issues with. And they wonder why I hide in my room all the time… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 106

DGAF nursing

By Anonymous - 17/11/2021 17:00

Today, my patient was ready to tip over, so I called out for help, but the other nurse didn't even look up from her computer. A tech had to rush over from the end of the room. Is it bad that I wanted to tell the nurse she needs to effing retire? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 109

Sometimes it's better to be ghosted

By Slob - 15/05/2022 10:00

Today, the guy I’ve been seeing ghosted me. I called, and he answered on the fourth call. He said, “Listen, you’re too fat for me and you eat like a slob everytime we go out to eat. Try getting a salad instead of chicken wings and onion rings, and maybe you’ll keep a man. Do it for your health too.” and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 658

Sweet home…

By Redneck - 07/09/2022 07:30

Today, my coworkers won't believe I'm from Alabama. Apparently, "You're too smart and not racist enough… plus you have all your teeth, and you're not dating your cousin." Fuck these people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 327

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The Top

The Top

Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 554

You deserved it 1 079

Today, one of my idiot classmates decided it was a good idea to throw his water bottle across the room to his friend. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of his friend. I now have a very noticeable bruise and bump near my temple along with a headache. Everybody laughed at me. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 035

You deserved it 1 695

Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 200

You deserved it 3 417

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out, "Hello" had turned into a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 716

You deserved it 2 356

Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 175

You deserved it 5 068

Today, my alarm clock, which was set to play a certain radio station didn't go off. Turns out, yesterday was their 10th anniversary and also the end of their station. I didn't wake up to the white noise until 9. The interview I had spent 3 months preparing for was at 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 958

You deserved it 4 283