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The all-time greatest FMLs

Bridezilla

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 06:00

Today, it was supposed to be my wedding but my fiancé insisted we be married by his childhood priest, a real bible thumper. This arsehole tried to change our vows at the altar and told me wives should know their place, so I slapped him and the wedding is delayed until we get a new priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 234

Ouch

By Keegan O - 16/03/2021 05:01

Today, I was cleaning out the crawlspace and set a mousetrap off with my testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 241

By moonlight77 - 11/01/2019 14:00

Today, I deliberately snapped a pic of myself and edited it to add to my story, in order to make my ex think I have a life on a Saturday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 2 225

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, I'm over COVID but have apparently lost my sense of smell and taste. My boyfriend, who thinks he’s a comedian, said at least I can’t complain his farts stink and should have no problem swallowing instead of spitting during blowjobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 366

Frozen 3

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, as I was putting groceries away, I went to open my freezer door which randomly gets stuck by giving it a good tug, and a frozen hamburger fell on my right foot. My right foot, which is currently healing from a sprain I got a couple days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 209

Different life goals

By Anonymous - 26/07/2022 05:00 - Israel - Jerusalem

Today, my boyfriend of almost 3 years told me he wants kids, specifically a biological child with me. When we started dating, I told him that I didn't want kids and he said the same, but now he's changed his mind. I haven't. I love him and will probably lose him because of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 223

Life's what you make it

By ratherbealone - 27/10/2020 02:06 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I don't want to go to work because I hate my boss, but once I'm there, I won't want to go home because I hate my husband. I have nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 499

May to December

By b…… - 01/10/2022 11:30

Today, after 20 loving years together, my husband had a “change of heart” and decided to leave me for his 26 year-old employee. He’s 64. I can’t get him fired because he’s the owner of the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 181

Pants on fire

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was told by my sister over the dinner table that some guy is telling people I’ve had sex with him; that’s not even the worst part. He’s telling people my sister walked in. One, I haven’t talked to him in years; two, he’s really not my type, three, I’m in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 111

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 17:01

Today, my sisters took me to a gay bar to celebrate my birthday. All was going well, until the drag queens demanded anyone with a birthday on stage. My sisters forced me to go. Turns out, it was for a twerking contest. I can't dance and have social anxiety. When I got off the stage, I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 184

Manipulation

By Anonymous - 09/12/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, I found books on the Catholicism in my son's room. Switching faiths can be a big deal, so I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. Turns out he was just doing research to aid his goal of seducing and screwing the hot Catholic girl in his university class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 413

That's a great look!

By MissQ - 20/06/2020 17:01

Today, I was trying to learn how to whistle. On the elevator ride up to my room, I was experimenting with tongue placement and mouth position. At the height of my facial contortions and probable spitting, the elevator doors opened to reveal the guy I've been crushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 649

Nice try, Patricia

By Anonymous - 04/08/2022 02:00

Today, I had to deal with a lady who claimed her son was autistic to try and skip the queue. Even her son was saying he’s not autistic, and she was screaming in his face that yes he was. I happen to be genuinely autistic. Security threw her out, and I was jealous that I didn’t get to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 145

Dr House

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 16:00

Today, I was trying to ease off a caffeine headache. I ended up getting a Brain Freeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 338

Congrats?

By KortniiE - 23/03/2021 20:01

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years proposed without a ring. He told me he would get it once his divorce papers are final. I didn't know he was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 157

Thanks, I hate it

By CakeEater - 13/05/2022 04:00

Today, after I let my job know I needed time off for a friend's funeral a week ahead of time and they declined to approve it, telling me to call in sick, the day of the funeral arrived and I called in sick, only to come back to a write-up and threats of being fired for not getting it approved in advance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 90

Sorry Danny de Vito…

By Anonymous - 28/05/2021 14:00

Today, I met my celebrity crush in an official capacity, I was completely tongue tied and when I stood to shake her hand, I tripped and fell with my face in her cleavage. She thought it was funny, but I was mortified and my boss suspended me until security footage proves I didn’t do it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 177

Unfair

By Anonymous - 06/09/2022 11:30

Today, my teacher just told me he is not going to allow any late work for my accommodations because I'm "just making excuses for not doing the work," including the tech not working. I'm visually impaired and can’t see the assignment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 150

Fault

By Bleh - 22/06/2021 05:00 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I accidentally let slip to my mom that I hardly remember the graduation party she threw me four years ago. She proceeded to verbally assault me for forgetting the special occasion. I had a brain complication two years ago which resulted in some memory loss. Apparently, it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 83

Weird-ass kids

By fml9124 - 05/12/2020 02:02

Today, my Asian girlfriend broke up with me because I'm not Asian, I'm Irish-American, 100%. She doesn't have a problem with me, though. It's her kids. Her grown children want her dating Asian men. She's 62, I'm 63. Is that like reverse racism when the kids are more racist than the parents? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 141

Old lady hotline

By fml9124 - 02/11/2020 08:08

Today, I called the Suicide hotline. I dialled the number wrong and woke some poor old lady. She thought I was her son and kept asking me, "How come you don't visit anymore?" I told her I couldn't visit because of the Covid pandemic. I lied to an elderly woman I've never met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 208

Reported

By Anonymous - 07/01/2023 09:00

Today, I got basically raided by Child Welfare on very true reports I left a 4 month-old boy home alone with just water. The boy in question is my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 779

Painful flight

By creepingjennie - 17/05/2022 18:00

Today, I just finished a seventeen hour flight in economy. I actually managed to fall asleep, until a flight attendant shined her flashlight directly into my bad eye, triggering an excruciating pain response. Why? "I couldn't see your seatbelt." It was fastened, and the seat belt light wasn't even lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 121

Low maintenance

By OlCasss - 05/03/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend told me about a girl who he loved a few years ago. He said, "She was extremely beautiful, and I fell for her for a long time. But it's like with universities, everyone wants to study at Harvard but finally ends up in a regular university that they can afford." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 127

Phone holder

By my arms hurt - 25/11/2019 20:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had to sit in between two boys on a two-hour bus ride. They were watching a movie and each of them had shared an earphone. They made me hold the phone up so both of them could see the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 1 898

Big Brother

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 16:00

Today, and lately, my dad has an annoying habit of knowing where I’ve been, even though I never go anywhere worth mentioning. On a hunch, I checked my phone and it turns out he’s been tracking my location. I’ve literally done nothing to deserve this lack of trust, and now I think I hate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 212

No one is that good in bed, surely

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 16:59

Spicy

Today, my ex-boyfriend is still stalking me after several years. I asked him why he doesn't just move on and let me be. He replied that I drove him crazy one time when we were intimate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 164

Coincidence? I think not

By Anonymous - 26/05/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was flummoxed as to why someone named Renny would be texting her at 1 a.m. Funny, because she used to have “Renny” tattooed on her ass when we met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 194

Some people are irredeemable

By given.sins619 - 11/04/2023 22:00

Today, I got the news that the family who adopted me decided to send me back because I didn't share their MAGA ideals. This is the second family to send me back after the first one decided they couldn't financially take care of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 237

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 21:59 - Australia - Epping

Today, my disability job agent, who's supposed to help me find work that fits my limitations, told me to immediately withdraw from a job offer that suited me, because it didn't meet her "benchmark". She then told me that she would decide what's "appropriate" for me, and if I don't comply, my support will be revoked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 101

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The Top

The Top

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. When I got home to show my family, my little sister said, "That's so fake!" and tore it off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 143

You deserved it 11 025

Today, I started my new job, and was introduced to my colleague. She seemed old and quite experienced, so I thought she was going to teach me. I was wrong. It turns out I'm a replacement for her daughter, who used to secretly do all of her work for her because she has no idea how to do it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 907

You deserved it 1 808

Today, I stepped outside my house for the first time in a year, trying to socialize again. I broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 687

You deserved it 325

Today, I asked my girlfriend why my new package of condoms was open. When she failed to change the subject, she responded with, “This is why you’re a depressive crybaby who’ll die alone!” The fight ended with me proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 3 237

Today, I emotionally confessed to the guy I like. His English isn't that good, so he asked me to repeat it several times. He ended up telling me no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 955

You deserved it 3 084

Today, it's been two days and my girlfriend still won't talk to me. Why? Because she made out with a mutual friend at a party, and got mad at me for thinking it was hot rather than being jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 661