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The all-time greatest FMLs

Not now!

By my body hates me! - 16/06/2022 21:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were just about to have sex. The last few months have been a shitstorm of stress, personal tragedy, financial crises, and family drama. When we finally got a moment to ourselves, I was struck with a literal shitstorm in the form of agonizing diarrhea. It’s been two hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 167

Suspicious activity

By should I be worried? - 22/05/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend, who got married at 19 and divorced at 30, told me how much she regretted wasting all her “hot years” being a good and faithful wife to her ex. Oh and that she never got a “hoe-phase” in college like her friends. I think she’s fishing for my permission to cheat. I’m confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 188

Pants on fire

By Rae - 25/10/2020 08:02

Today, I found out that my mother doesn't have Alzheimer's disease. This would be joyous news, except for the fact that one year prior to this day my grandmother lied to me so that I'd stay closer to home. I've been worrying over a nonexistent illness for an entire year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 91

Good advice

By Anonymous - 03/05/2022 04:00

Today, I was advised to never have kids because they ruin your life, ruin your body, cost you money, stress you out, and the end result is they become an adult you don’t even really like or would choose to spend time with if you weren’t related. It was both my parents who gave me this advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 251

By Robert Herrin - 31/10/2018 13:30

Today, being the man of the house, I decided to work on the car. Long story short, there's a towel in my transmission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 2 297

Callous

By CancerFreeLoader - 02/10/2021 14:00

Today, I found out that the giant tumour on my leg isn’t cancerous or dangerous. My mom cried, and I was super relieved. Later on, I heard her on the phone in tears because now she won’t be able to get a free vacation or home renovations from the Make A Wish foundation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 87

Selfish tit

By Anonymous - 17/02/2021 14:01

Today, I'm running on two hours sleep thanks to our new baby. My partner slept all night, and when I asked them to take over so I could have a nap, they ran to bed, saying that they needed to sleep. Why? Apparently, the baby noise woke them up "once or twice" and they needed the extra sleep more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 248

Not so ready to rumble

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 14:00

Today, my pro wrestling training class had come to a close and I was gathering my things outside of the ring. One of my fellow trainees got out of the ring on the side where there was nothing but giant stage lights. He knocked them over onto me, giving me my first pro wrestling injury. I’d always thought that would happen in the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 156

Fire in the hole!

By CarrieBerrie - 14/08/2020 17:01

Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 528

Trading places

By Clarie Sierra - 03/06/2021 20:01

Today, after 6 years of dating, 2 years of marriage, a daughter and another one on the way, my husband decided that he’s "not the one for me" and told me he was leaving for his co-worker who he’s only known for a few months. Apparently they’re more "meant to be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 353

**** that dude

By Anonymous - 13/07/2022 10:00

Today, none of us had any idea that our grandfather was a huge racist until I brought my new girlfriend over to a family gathering, and he started yelling because she's Indian, some of the most disgusting racial slurs I’ve ever heard. We left when it looked like he might actually hit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 149

The truth will out

By Anonymous - 27/05/2023 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex mother-in-law stupidly made an offhand comment, so I got my kids DNA tested. NONE, I repeat NONE of them is mine. When I think of the thousands I’ve paid in child support I’ll never get back, and now my own mother thinks I’m an asshole for refusing to pay any further. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 169

Left hanging

By Anonymous - 28/09/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at work, and I had to tell my manager I was calling someone to bring me a bra as mine had broken mid-shift. I was the only woman on shift. It took them 30 minutes to show up and I still had to serve front of house while I waited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 252

Evil plan

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 00:01

Spicy

Today, I broke my ankle jumping from a second story window. Turns out, the person my girlfriend has saved in her phone as "Mom" is her very jealous and “estranged” husband, who apparently knew about me, and was waiting on the opportunity to catch us. She giggled as I jumped out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 372

Divorce, the ultimate turn on

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 00:00

Spicy

Today, I’m confused as hell. Since we got divorced, my ex-wife and I have had more sex in the last 6 months than our entire 5 year marriage. Since our split, we can’t keep our hands off each other, and I’m in a state of permanent confusion about our future relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 363

It's not working out (for us)

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 00:30

Today, I was fired from my job, due to my "performance going down". My performance went down because I can't see due to having a stroke, which management is well aware of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 101

Assumptions

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 09/12/2020 14:53

Today, my fiancé and I both got fired from a job we desperately needed. Why? A friend had practiced sticking him for a phlebotomy class, so he had bandaids on his arms. I was nervous and shaky, as it was my first day. Apparently, this means that we are both IV drug users. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 173

WhataStrangeTripThisIs tells us more.

WhataStrangeTripThisIs 23

Wednesday 9 December 2020 11:01

OP here. The job was at Subway, so they really don't care about firing and hiring people enough to follow up with a drug test. We both offered! I have a great PT job at a doctor's office, but really needed extra income because COVID hit us hard. I was really surprised that they just randomly fired both of us over an assumption! WTF. The manager is a recovered addict and said she knew the signs. Umm, no, apparently you don't. We don't even have the money to DO drugs lol! Now we have no power. But still have a roof. **** 2020.

By Anonymous - 17/08/2019 20:03

Today, I fell off my chair, then missed it completely trying to sit back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 378

The GOP approves

By DianneG - 01/02/2023 02:00

Today, my 36 year-old ex-husband is engaged to my 18 year-old little sister. She’s graduating from high school in May of this year. Our divorce was finalized 3 months ago. My life should be a reality drama show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 133

It's always when your hands are full that your nose starts to itch

By Mightytall - 05/10/2019 20:00

Today, I found the perfect position on the couch, both feet up comfortably and my two cats curled up in my lap. Then, my foot started to itch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 254

Social safety net full of holes

By Anonymous - 26/01/2022 05:01

Today, I was yet again denied food stamps. They think I make $1000 a week with only 25 hours a week. Each time I have to apply, they say, "We get that number from your pay stubs." They don't understand that those are four separate weeks. I'm sure it's illogical for a part time bagger to make $40 an hour before taxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 123

Really? In 2022?

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 18:01 - United States

Today, I was busy going over wedding plans with my fiancé, when my mother called. Apparently, she wants me to "drop the joke" about this "fake engagement", because she was under the impression I was only dating a white guy to piss her and dad off, and was now getting carried away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 122

A very compassionate defence…

By Jennifer - 19/05/2021 22:01

Today, I’ve been summoned to court because I found some homeless people living in a house I bought to renovate, and my brothers and I threw them out. Apparently even though it’s my property, they had some bullshit squatters rights. I can’t believe the courts are taking their complaint seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 424

Scarpered

By James - 30/07/2019 18:00

Today, I asked the restaurant manager if he could arrange to deliver an engagement ring to me and my girlfriend with our desserts. Desserts came, no ring. That guy wasn’t the manager, just a guy in a suit who legged it with my ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 2 298

Think it through

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 23:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend by knocking on her door and kneeling in front of it. I forgot that her door opens outwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 1 194

By keimA - 23/06/2019 12:30

Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 403

Unwanted

By Anonymous - 02/07/2020 23:01

Today, I found out that I was not invited to my grandma's 80th surprise birthday party. I found out about it from my mom who lives out of state. I’m the only immediate family that would've been able to come. Due to coronavirus, I also missed my grandpa's 80th birthday. Guess I’m 2/2 this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 152

Nope

By Anonymous - 07/04/2023 16:00

Spicy

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of two years. I got a call from my best friend telling me he had slept with her before we went out drinking the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 331

You deserved it 165

Bad, bad mom

By Anonymous - 03/03/2021 02:58 - Australia - Melbourne

Spicy

Today, I got home from work a few hours early to find my mum cheating, right in the middle of the act. So much for a nice afternoon off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 331

You deserved it 106

Privacy violation

By privacy! - 02/05/2021 08:02

Today, I asked my mom to help my daughter with Zoom school while I handled an emergency. When I got back, I found out my mom went through my laptop containing all my documents, my emails and even the journal my therapist suggested I keep. She says she was looking for a Zoom link. Yeah right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 331

You deserved it 185

FML on Facebook

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The Top

The Top

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 471

You deserved it 38 000

Today, a man from across the bar looked at me, pointed, and said "MMMM, now THAT'S what I want." Offended, I confronted him to tell him I felt disrespected by him referring to me as 'that.' Turns out, he was pointing to the cheeseburger that the waitress behind me was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 907

You deserved it 54 756

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 737

You deserved it 33 311

Today, I mistook a tree in my back yard as an intruder and called the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 415

You deserved it 10 230

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went back to Germany. He lovingly said to me, "I will never find another girl like you. Unless I rip off her leg and tear out her eye." I’m an amputee, and was born with a blind eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 769

Today, I just got home in a state of shock. My wife was apparently pregnant without realising it, with no weight gain, then she gave birth at 1 a.m. It was supposed to be a normal Sunday then poof, we have a baby and a house we haven’t baby-proofed. We don’t even have nappies or clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 153