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The all-time greatest FMLs

I know him so weeeeell…

By Anonymous - 11/12/2021 05:00

Today, while discussing kids, my fiancé told me he has a kid already with his previous fiancé, but he hates kids so much, he left and moved to this country before it was born. He doesn’t even know if it’s a boy or girl, because he simply doesn’t give a toss. Yes, I’m pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 532

You deserved it 775

By Miss_Kat - 29/08/2019 00:01

Today, I received a two-page letter/rant from my boss notifying me of my imminent dismissal, based on issues such as me "speaking in a suppressed voice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 532

You deserved it 139

Whack-a-Mole

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 02:01

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 302

Crushed

By Anonymous - 22/02/2022 03:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, after I confessed my feelings towards my long time crush two weeks ago and was rejected, he messaged me asking for a quick fuck, with no strings attached. I guess that’s all I am good for now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 234

Call the cops

By Shelby1992 - 29/09/2022 02:30

Today, I dumped my boyfriend. He responded with kidnapping my dog while I was at work. He texted me a picture of him holding a piece of chocolate to his mouth, threatening to feed it to him if I didn’t get back with him. I took him back because I can’t bear my life without my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 366

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 18:01

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew, who told me he learned about fire safety today. I asked him what he'd do if there was a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell over, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 374

Jaws 2: A Pig in the City

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 02:03

Today, after a childhood of battling bad teeth and cavities, I'm an overzealous brusher. I found out that I have cavities in all quadrants of my mouth from over-brushing, which will need multiple appointments to fill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 234

Highlight of the wedding

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 22:00

Today, despite his promise not to, my dad got completely shitfaced at my wedding reception. When we found him, he was passed out on the toilet with his pants down, penis out, and he’d shit all over himself, the toilet, and the floor. I thought I could trust him just this once, but now he’s dead to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 202

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 04:01

Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 137

I WAS RIGHT!

By goddamn idiot! - 14/06/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, I was sent home for refusing to sign a write up at my restaurant. A customer insisted that she doesn’t drink soda so she’d like a ginger ale. I calmly explained to her that ginger ale is in fact soda. She told management I was being condescending and rude, because she didn’t believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 301

By Lunar-Spice - 23/07/2019 04:05

Today, I asked one of the girls at work out on a date. She responded by filing a harassment complaint. Now, I can't speak to her at all without being written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 1 003

Bored to death

By squarecircles - 15/06/2019 10:46 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while working at my unfulfilling part-time job, my colleague said, "Are you aware of how much you sigh?" And then she said, "You're too young for that." So, am I supposed to hold my breath now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 566

By Anonymous - 28/06/2019 16:03

Today, I told my supervisor how awful my coworker was at her job. I then got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 551

Error!

By Anonymous - 29/12/2019 03:00

Today, I called my cell phone tech support to help with my Samsung device. They sent me contact info for Apple support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 270

What?

By what? what? what? what? - 17/02/2022 06:00

Today, no matter how hard I try, I simply can’t understand my professor’s incredibly thick accent. When I asked if anyone else in class was having trouble, they accused me of being a racist ass. I genuinely have no idea what he’s saying, and no one will share notes with me. Lectures are mandatory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 185

Open-minded

By plaid_is_cool - 05/05/2020 05:00

Today, my mom called me and asked me to fix her computer, three days after saying she never wanted to see me again for dating a boy. I got lectured to on how I'm ruining my life the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 245

Daddy's girl

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 14:00 - Guam

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, a month after I'd proposed and she'd said yes. When asked why all of the sudden, she said her family disapproved of me, and I wasn't worth fighting for and potentially losing her father's love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 146

By will - 14/08/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 219

By mafiaguy800 - 27/08/2019 14:00

Today, I woke up to see my four year-old brother with a sharpie, trying to play “Connect the Dots” with my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 154

Worst **** ever

By Anonymous - 14/02/2022 22:01

Today, my boyfriend truly is a master of efficiency, by successfully cutting sex down to one minute for a back massage, 1-2 minutes of foreplay, 20 seconds of penetration, 4-5 minutes lying on his back trying to catch his breath, followed by 8 hours of sleep, including gorilla-like snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 271

Bizarre love triangle

By too close for comfort - 19/02/2023 02:00

Today, my guy friend told me he wanted to try being with another guy. I told him I’d help him anyway I could. Who knew his “help” was him wanting me (a woman) to help him get hard since he couldn’t get it up for the guy? Guess not letting him grope me or jerk him off meant I’m unsupportive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 268

The best of times, the worst of times

By ToTeachorNottoTeach - 02/09/2020 20:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm a teacher in the middle of a pandemic. Half my students haven't shown up to my class. The other half don't do any assignments. I keep my job based on how well my students do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 133

Nice try, kiddo

By Anonymous - 12/07/2022 22:00

Today, my 9 year-old son actually thought he could blackmail me for money and an Xbox with a very badly photoshopped picture of me in bed with Hermione from the Harry Potter films. My wife thinks this is hilarious, but I’m worried if he’s doing this at 9, what will he be doing at 18? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 248

I'm horny, horny horny horny…

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 11:01

Today, my husband chose to masturbate. I'm not getting laid for the forth night in a row, because initiating sex is too hard for him. Just once, I want to not have to initiate or flat out beg for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 293

By Satan's Lil elf - 14/01/2019 14:00

Today, I broke my mirror off going to the drive-through at McDonald's. Even the cashier watching was like, "Fuck, dude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 1 906

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 28/03/2021 15:30 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend of four years, whom I have stuck by through every hardship, including his ongoing battle with military PTSD, is cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 121

Let down

By Anonymous - 27/08/2020 05:01

Today, after having spent two weeks planning my husband's surprise birthday party with his friends and family, we get in the car on the way to "dinner" and he says, "I really hope it's just the two of us tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 356

By marcy_89 - 23/07/2019 16:01

Today, with 3 miles left of a 16-mile bike ride, I got a flat tire and had to push my bike back to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 238

By Jules - 31/07/2017 05:00

Today, I bought a new cannister and it came with a label that said "Cookies" so I carefully scanned and photoshopped it to say "Coffee". Then I opened the cannister to find 11 double-sided bilingual labels -- including "Coffee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 2 601

Sibling rivalry

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 23:00

Today, I found out my dad gets my younger brother a Big Gulp from 7/11 every time he mows the yard. I mowed for three years straight and never got anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 208

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The Top

Today, I fell asleep while watching a movie. My puppy took this opportunity to help himself to half a gallon of vegetable oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 689

You deserved it 510

Today, at work as a cashier, I had a male customer come up to me and ask me what hours I worked today, like he has done for several weeks now. Immediately after, my manager calls my lane to tell me to watch out for that guy. He has been stalking a co-worker of mine. Apparently, I'm next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 569

You deserved it 4 187

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 760

You deserved it 2 437

Today, my friend invited me to go on vacation with her and friends, saying we would all share a suite. I booked my flight. The trip is almost here and she now tells me there is no room for me and I have to get my own room. This is the second time she has done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 045

You deserved it 2 296

Today, after a shitty year in which I got pregnant, a miscarriage happened, then my boyfriend turned into more of asshole, which I thought it was part of the miscarriage so I stayed with him, but he kept blaming me so I broke up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 139

Today, I accidentally ran a stop sign. It wouldn't have been so bad if the stop sign hadn't been in a traffic cop's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 474

You deserved it 47 206