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The all-time greatest FMLs

Kinky

By huskynick - 18/06/2020 05:05

Today, it's been two days and my girlfriend still won't talk to me. Why? Because she made out with a mutual friend at a party, and got mad at me for thinking it was hot rather than being jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 661

By sniper foxeh - 29/07/2018 01:30

Today, my younger sister and I were camping when, during the middle of the night, she asked me if I could take her to the toilets as she was scared. I told her to go by herself or go behind the tent. Thirty seconds later, she peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 4 520

Delivered

By Matt - 30/04/2019 02:00

Today, I got a call saying I was successful in my interview to be a pizza delivery driver. As I picked up my contract and got in my car, I reversed sideways into a pole and ripped off my front bumper. The manager came out and helped jam the bumper in so I could make it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 738

Costly kitty

By fishyrael - 16/05/2020 13:20

Today, I bought $3 hair ties. I then spent the night at the emergency vet after my kitten managed to open the drawer and eat them. So today, I actually bought $1003 hair ties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 314

fishyrael tells us more.

fishyrael 28

Saturday 16 May 2020 6:27

Anyone worried, she is fine. I took her in the second I realized what she'd done. They tried to induce vomiting but she's a stubborn little thing and wasn't even affected by the procedure so they ended up having to put her under and get the hair ties out with a grabber. No surgery thankfully. She was very sleepy and wobbly after but after a nap she was back to her old hellion self. I know I could've waited to see if they would pass naturally but she's only 8 months old and hair ties can be deadly if they don't pass, and surgery would've been much more expensive and stressful for her at that point. The new hair ties are in a heavy wooden drawer that I'm certain she's not strong enough to open, unlike the light plywood desk drawer they were in before, that I am now aware she can, in fact, open.

Eye bleach

By deardaughter - 14/08/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 125

Outdoorsy romance

By Anonymous - 04/04/2020 17:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the marina nearby. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind the lighthouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 719

Risky business

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 02:02

Today, I went to get insurance and I have a non-fault third party claim and yet my insurance has gone up. I wasn't even in the car when someone hit it. Why have I got penalised? They claim I'm now "statistically more likely to get in an accident." My car was parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 836

You deserved it 150

Thousand-yard stare

By timiscuous - 20/04/2020 20:00 - New Zealand

Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 836

You deserved it 286

Dangling modifier

By Anonymous - 11/07/2020 23:06

Today, I took my dog out for his walk, only to find out that I had an extra bra hanging vertically out of my pants. Thankfully, the only person who saw me was the maintenance guy, who looked very confused, so I just smiled at him. I had no idea why, I only realized when the wind blew it against my leg and I saw my shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 836

You deserved it 510