The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Oh, hello

By kikuhime - 17/01/2021 02:01

Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 183

You deserved it 122

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 02:00

Today, I met my father, who I hadn't seen since I was a baby, at Subway. He made me pay for his meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 182

You deserved it 290

Cockstepblocked

By Anonymous - 19/09/2019 18:00

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 182

You deserved it 481

Slicey machine go thwack

By Anonymous - 28/03/2020 05:00

Today, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I have no way to pay my bills and very few places are hiring just now. My boss tried to make me feel better by saying her husband was just laid off and they'll struggle as well. She has a £120k salary and just got a £30k bonus. Apparently, "we're in the same boat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 181

You deserved it 191

By ummWhat? - 23/12/2018 02:00

Today my car was broken into. The only thing taken were condoms and lighters I had in the glove box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 181

You deserved it 207

This Charming Man

By Sheev - 18/10/2019 06:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was texting the guy I like. I asked him why our friend didn't want to come to the movies with us. He replied, "She didn't want to be the third wheel, but it's not like I'm going to put the moves on you. I'm out of your league, and you're socially awkward anyway." That's just what I wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 181

You deserved it 352

By riya - 29/09/2018 05:00

Today, I had the worst day of my life. I'd studied science for the whole damn night, only to realize the next morning that it's a math exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 181

You deserved it 3 080

By oops. - 22/12/2018 16:00

Today, my wife had a nip-slip. At my family reunion. In front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 180

You deserved it 377

Bad sex ed

By Sex ed instructor, fuck me - 18/04/2022 06:00

Today, I was ready to have sex with my new boyfriend. Turns out he's a 30 year-old virgin who doesn't know shit. He couldn't find my vagina and was just humping my crotch, then when he finally got it in it was 5 pumps, a squirt and done. He thinks he did a good job. Now I have to teach him how to do it properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 180

You deserved it 843

UTI?

By Jam2019 - 15/02/2019 14:00

Today, despite using the bathroom before I left my house, then at the bus station 10 minutes later, I still had to get off my bus halfway into my hour long journey to pee in a back alley or I would have wet myself. I'm 24 and this has happened twice in the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 180

You deserved it 255

Beautiful car

By Anonymous - 12/01/2020 05:00

Today, I sold my wife's old car because I bought her a newer and nicer one. On the way back home from the sale, the transmission went out in her new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 179

You deserved it 284

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 16/06/2020 02:02

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 179

You deserved it 274

Agony

By Ouch - 22/12/2021 22:59 - Netherlands

Today, I had sex with a guy I really liked. His testicle spontaneous turned inside his sack and he blacked out from the pain. He peed my bed, and I had to rush him to the ER so they could turn it back. Had to explain to his family and doctors what happened. It was my first time meeting them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 179

You deserved it 217

Queasy beats

By Bleh - 08/03/2019 22:00 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I found out that my new, expensive noise-canceling headphones trigger my motion sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 260

Probably for the best

By Anonymous - 05/02/2019 04:00

Today, I bought some new LED underglow lights for underneath my car. I was putting them on when my dad came out, insisted on taking over, and then proceeded to break them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 695

Favorite child

By Anonymous - 23/01/2020 01:00

Today, I heard that my mom is coming back from France, where my brother lives. I have lived in the same place, exactly 45 minutes from my mother, for 6 years. She hasn't visited me once, but has been out of state to see my sibling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 213

By Katxx93 - 01/01/2018 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was so tired I somehow managed to use black false eyelash glue instead of my liquid eyeliner. Every time I sneeze my eyes become glued shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 2 573

Stuck in a rut

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 20:00

Today, I realised my wife has been slowly phasing out most elements of our previously active and inventive sex life. These days, it's missionary once a month or she tells me to whack one off by myself in the bathroom. When did we get so boring? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 344

By Brittney Anderson - 24/03/2019 14:00

Today, I found out I need to have emergency surgery, which is extremely convenient considering I'm literally supposed to be moving out of state in 2 days and my whole house is completely packed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 175

You deserved it 140

Noob

By JustAmirage - 14/02/2019 20:00

Today, it was my first day at work. They had me a large tray with lots of food on it, even after I told them I wasn’t comfortable carrying it. I hit the door on the way out of the kitchen, spilling everything on the tray, breaking two soup bowls and three salad plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 175

You deserved it 383

No thanks, mom

By Anonymous - 08/04/2020 08:00

Today, my crazed and very hormonal pregnant mother told me that I should get pregnant too, so that we can be "preggo buddies." I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 174

You deserved it 142

Bosom buddies

By Lennie Mcfish - 06/07/2020 14:02

Today, while caring for my drunk girlfriend, she confessed that she cheated on me 3 different times with my sister. Now I know why they are always spending time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 174

You deserved it 185

Get away from me!

By Bobby The Baker - 03/04/2019 16:00

Today, a cockroach flew towards me, and out of panic I dropped my car keys in the sewer. Not only did I lose my keys, but the cake I made for a client is stuck inside the car. It's for a wedding, and they're arriving in the reception area in a few minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 174

You deserved it 486

Birthday gift

By Anonymous - 02/02/2020 03:00 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to bring my obnoxious ex to my birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 173

You deserved it 171

By Anonymous - 25/08/2019 19:00 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, going to my psychiatrist's appointment for my PTSD and depression, my mother yelled about how useless I am and how I torture her existence with my "abnormalities." She told the doctor how much I've improved and become such a delight at home for her and our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 173

You deserved it 140

Get it done already!

By yeetyeet - 06/01/2019 12:00

Today, we had an emergency lockdown drill. The closest room to me was the bathroom, so I rushed in and went into one of the stalls like I was supposed to, only to find out that a girl in the stall next to me was shitting. And it didn't seem like she was going to be done anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 173

You deserved it 343

By Anonymous - 29/01/2019 16:00

Today, I am now sleeping on the floor because my friend got super drunk at a small party then peed herself in her sleep. I was sleeping beside her and my clothes smell like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 172

You deserved it 243

Cool moves, Dahmer

By IwantOff - 09/10/2022 07:30

Today, as my new boyfriend was taking me home from our first date, a family of ducks walked across the road. I yelled at him to stop, but he ran over every single one of them. His logic? “They shouldn’t have been in the way,” and it was “natural selection anyway for them being so stupid.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 171

You deserved it 220

By Wetarse - 15/03/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laughing at the new granite stool sculpture our work put in the office garden. I said to my colleagues for a laugh that I'd be the first to sit on it. Turns out it was a bird bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 171

You deserved it 4 521

Social distancing done right

By Anonymous - 22/04/2020 17:00

Today, my girlfriend of two and half years broke up with me because I'm no longer able to give her the physical attention she needs. I live 4 hours away and we have been this way for almost a year. She found another guy to do it behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 171

You deserved it 331

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The Top

Today, I fell asleep on the bus after a long day. I woke up to the driver nudging me, saying, "End of the line, mate." I had no idea where I was, and it was raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 144

Today, my ex called me, apologetic about her mistakes, and saying she realised she wants to be with me. I eventually agreed to coffee, just to see if the old spark was still there. I ended up leaving after 0.0000005 seconds. She was 6 months pregnant with some other dude's baby. I wasted my afternoon for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 175

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 786

You deserved it 3 439

Today, I left my brand new iPod Touch outside. There had been a drought for the past 3 weeks. Not anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 699

You deserved it 67 936

Today, my grandmother is shocked that literally all of her kids and grandkids have mental handicaps. She won't admit it's because her and my grandfather are first cousins, and is claiming instead it's, "because of gluten." FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 145

Today, my deadbeat ex-husband who works at a country club was invited to play poker with some club members as they needed a last player. He’s rubbish at poker but got some lucky hands and ended up winning £112,000 from those rich guys. Life isn’t fair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 1 393