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The all-time greatest FMLs

By j. farmer-smith - 09/02/2018 23:00 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I'm a superintendent at a school, and it snowed today after school. The snow ended up freezing on the road, so I called school off for tomorrow. I sent calls home, cancelled all school events, and then realized that it's Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 141

You deserved it 3 375

Ties that bind

By Anonymous - 27/10/2020 08:58 - United States

Today, I offered to give my ex a ride home from work. He and I ended on good terms years ago, we just aren't compatible with each other. I dropped him off and not ten seconds later, he came back out looking sick. His fiancee was inside having sex with MY new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 140

You deserved it 184

Oh no, what a nightmare!

By Nursr187 - 21/01/2018 15:00

Today, my wife asked me to back up all the photos and videos from our desktop computer so I synced it with my Google account. Every graphic picture and video my wife and I have ever exchanged was sent to all 3 of our children's tablets. My daughter cried all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 138

You deserved it 6 330

Twerking hard or hardly twerking?

By SailorSolaris - 04/10/2017 12:50 - United States

Today, I managed to pull a muscle at work. In my ass. While standing still. I still don't know how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 137

You deserved it 320

SailorSolaris tells us more.

SailorSolaris 43

Wednesday 4 October 2017 3:04

Op here. Still don't know how it happened. Third time, too, though the other times were in my back. Anyone have a clue?

Wham!

By Omar Khalaf - 28/09/2017 01:30

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 137

You deserved it 423

By jordansquared - 21/12/2018 16:00

Today, I received a Christmas card from my husband’s parents and found for the 7th straight year I wasn’t included on the card. Instead they included a picture of my husband’s ex-girlfriend holding my baby. I’ve already received messages asking if he’s back together with her. No. No he’s not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 136

You deserved it 194

Toxic parents

By Anonymous - 30/07/2020 20:01

Today, my mom caught me vaping weed oil and tried to ground me. I’m 33 years old, with my own wife and kids, weed is legal in this state with a medical card, and I use it to treat the seizures I’ve had since mom belted me around the head as a kid, giving me brain damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 136

You deserved it 257

By Anonymous - 04/10/2018 15:30

Today, my 6'8" russian friend picked me up, a 5'0" petite girl. This would be fine if he hadn't been startled by a moth and dropped me down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 136

You deserved it 238

By Sucks2suck - 20/11/2018 05:00

Today, I received an invitation to my ex’s wedding. We were dating for three years and just broke up four months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 135

You deserved it 231

By hazeblaze - 06/10/2017 23:15

Today, I noticed that my dad's WhatsApp profile picture was a very close up shot of his new wife's boob. None of us know how long he had this online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 134

You deserved it 266

By Hurtingincanada - 17/10/2018 05:00

Today, I woke up with bronchitis and hemorrhoids. I'm getting married in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 134

You deserved it 203

By toomuchwork - 13/09/2018 01:30

Today, as I was leaving for a 2-week vacation after working my ass off for 2 years, my area manager handed me a project. It's a 3-week job, and he told me he needs it when I get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 133

You deserved it 172

Main character syndrome

By daddysjudy92 - 28/09/2018 14:00

Today, after being hospitalized last week due to a severe mental breakdown, my mom is still mad at me for missing her big solo at church. She had even tried to demand I be released from the hospital for it. She's still going on about how she thinks I missed it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 133

You deserved it 258

By Two wrecks one car - 20/08/2018 16:30 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, a woman pulled out in front me and I couldn't avoid hitting her. When we pulled off on the side of the road to inspect the damage, she backed into me. My car is only a month old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 133

You deserved it 158

Married life

By ALO - 21/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Bossier City

Today, I found out my husband of 7 years has been cheating on me with "10-15" people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 133

You deserved it 233

Mr Commitment

By Crushed - 09/12/2018 12:30

Today, I finally got past my anxiety and confessed my feelings to the guy I like and have been intimate with. He responded that he just still wants to be close friends with me and still bang me monogamously, but with no relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 131

You deserved it 544

By sevenshotmovie - 21/09/2017 07:00 - United States - Sheffield

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 130

You deserved it 541

By Danny - 12/09/2018 20:30

Today, after being together for 8 months, I learned that not only was my boyfriend a liar, but that he is also married, and has been for 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 130

You deserved it 282

By ERnightmare - 02/08/2018 21:00 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 130

You deserved it 4 312

Careless Whisper?

By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 129

You deserved it 1 266

By ItchItchBaby - 09/09/2017 13:00

Today, 2 hours before a 13-hour flight, I found out I had head lice. I'm a 24-year-old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 128

You deserved it 479

Das wat u get hoomin

By Ray - 13/08/2017 17:15 - United States

Today, we took my cat to get her shots. She screeched and clamored in the car until I took her out of the carrier and held her in my lap… where she immediately pooped on my new white pants and then hid under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 127

You deserved it 2 458

By sluttyfox - 31/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was excited to finally receive my Halloween costume in the mail after the one I ordered back in September got lost in transit. Upon reaching my mailbox, I saw the lock had been broken off and my new costume had been stolen. The party is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 126

You deserved it 233

By killme - 13/12/2018 14:00

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me, saying I don’t make her happy, I don’t make her laugh, that she feels she is settling for me, and that she's not being pleased sexually. Even though she has always said I did all of that, and that we could work through anything. I was going to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 126

You deserved it 371

Opportunity knocks

By fuckyou - 21/05/2019 06:00

Today, my girlfriend took me to see my favorite band live. Afterwards, we were lucky enough to run into the lead guitarist, who promptly asked her if she'd like to go back to his hotel room. She accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 126

You deserved it 232

By Pierced - 30/05/2017 18:00

Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 126

You deserved it 448

By Lexy - 10/11/2018 12:00

Today, I saw my boyfriend coming up the walkway to our home. When I opened the door to greet him with a huge smile on my face, he scowled at me and angrily said, "I don't know why you have to do that!" Smile gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 125

You deserved it 446

By SiegFail - 23/11/2017 05:00

Today, my students are asking friends and family to come to a charity event. That would be all well if they weren't constantly mixing up "Rally Against Genocide" and "Support Genocide Victims" and telling everyone to come to the "Rally to Support Genocide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 124

You deserved it 324

Tech issues

By Anonymous - 04/12/2018 14:00

Today I was really hitting it off with my blind date and was eager to arrange a second date. I gave him my number and he decided to call my phone so I could save his number. My phone didn’t ring. He got upset because he thought I gave him a fake number and stormed off. The battery was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 124

You deserved it 456

By Anonymous - 20/09/2018 03:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I wanted to talk about marriage and our future with my boyfriend of over 10 years. My 30-year-old boyfriend responded by hiding under a blanket and pretending he couldn't hear me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 123

You deserved it 700

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The Top

Today, I went to a mall and got some really awesome shoes. I went home to find out that they are actually women's shoes. I'm a dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 903

Today, my wife was in labour and bouncing on her inflatable ball to relieve the pain when it popped. This thing has lasted her entire pregnancy and it chose to burst now, sending her crashing to the floor groin first while 8 cm dilated. And as the husband, it is of course all my fault, you bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 114

Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 918

You deserved it 3 420

Today, I logged into our family's shared Amazon account to buy some gift cards for Mother's Day. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the cart already had 6 items in it. Turns out my forgetful stepbrother was debating on what gazebo to buy and forgot to take the items out of the cart. Why'd he put them in there though? FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 399

Today, I've paid over £15k a year to have 1.5 years of my 3 year BSc online. All we can do is sit in a tiny room (genuinely worse than Nordic prisons) and watch "online lectures", i.e. paying enormous amounts of money for depression, boredom, loneliness, and information that can be gathered from Youtube or Wikipedia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 180

Today, I finally got the courage to approach a girl. I've never done anything like this before. She stared me down, not saying a word, until I felt so little that I just walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 767

You deserved it 8 796